Moving is a long and arduous process.
Even if you have money and things fall into place, the stress is unavoidable.
The packing and unpacking never seem to end.
Things will always get broken, and there is never enough time to do everything calmly.
That’s why some people try to come up with ways to alleviate the stress.
But often, that can only lead to more drama.
Case in point…
Redditor Sensitive_R wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for selling our house without informing my wife?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife and I have been married for many years, but before we got married, I had built up a substantial wealth.”
“When we got married, I opted for a prenuptial agreement and complete separation of assets.”
“She also had a significant pre-marital wealth.”
“Besides the house we currently live in, I still own a beautiful apartment in the same city that I usually rent out, but it’s currently vacant.”
“Over the past two years, we’ve had many discussions about moving to a smaller town and getting a house near the beach.”
“Two months ago, we bought the house for our upcoming move.”
“We’ve already made the renovations we wanted, bought furniture, and will be moving into the new house soon.”
“Since we won’t be living in this city anymore, I didn’t see a reason to keep the house we currently live in and sold it without notifying my wife.”
“Considering it’s solely my asset, I didn’t see the need to inform her in advance.”
“Plus, selling and buying property is always a stressful process.”
“On the day I finalized the sale, I told her that I had sold the house, and she was furious with me for not letting her know.”
“She mentioned that she still needs a residence in this city and intends to come here frequently.”
“I explained to her that I still have the apartment, which we can use whenever we need to be in the city, so there shouldn’t be an issue.”
“She remains upset with me, claiming that I didn’t treat her like a wife by not involving her in such an important decision.”
“On the other hand, I believe I didn’t leave her without an address in the city, and the house was always exclusively my asset, just as she has her own wealth.”
“She argues that it’s a completely different situation because it’s the house we’ve been living in, and we’re moving in the next few days.”
The OP was left to wonder,
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. Sounds like this house was your main residence.”
“It seems reasonable to me that you would’ve discussed what would happen to it after your move.”
“That would’ve been the time to make the case that the apartment you also own could serve as her residence when she’s in town.”
“It does seem that you didn’t care what she thought about selling the place.”
“You should’ve involved her, even if you think it is ‘your asset.'” ~ stroppo
“Like this is your wife, whom you live with and presumably have for years, and you basically just pulled the rug out from under her.”
“Living arrangements changing should not be a unilateral decision like this, and they certainly shouldn’t be sprung on someone out of nowhere.” ~ Heavy_Sand5228
“YTA. You are selling a house. How did you not think that you should have mentioned it?”
“It’s not as if it is an unwanted pair of shoes- it is a house and one that she had been living in.”
“To me, it seems a common courtesy to say, by the way I am thinking about selling the house.”
“Are you trying to deliberately hide something from Her?”
“I am thinking there is another reason you never bought it up and just did it.”
“What is really going on?” ~ Routine_Mysterious
“Not only did it not just slip his mind, but he has to have gone out of his way to hide it.”
“Showings… where was she when it was being shown, when pics were taken, during meetings with the listing agent etc etc etc.”
“It’s a process with lots of steps that he had to organize without his wife finding out.” ~ sherrib99
“From a real estate perspective, even if he bought the house under his name, they are both living in it, and if it’s over a set amount of time, she still has rights to certain things.”
“Any secondary home owned is considered more ‘asset-based’ than your primary residence.”
“Which you, in California, have rights to your primary residence more than what’s happening with secondary property.” ~ Pdchefnc
“My question is, did your wife just happen not to notice real estate agents and people coming to view your house or open houses?”
“Or did you specifically plan them when she wouldn’t be around?” ~ Tall_Pumpkin1
“Or any inspections?”
“Did he sell as is AND sight unseen?”
“This takes a good deal of planning and time, and it never crossed his mind even to mention, ‘Oh yeah, I’m selling the house. We’ll need to move to the new place by such and such date?'”
“I mean he said he told her after the sale was finalized, which usually means you NEED to move sooner vs. later, if not ASAP.”
“OP, YTA. Presumably, you sold the house you have lived in for years that your wife sees as your family home, even if her name isn’t on it.”
“It’s like she’s an afterthought when it comes to your monetary decisions.”
“You don’t care about her opinion or her as a person.” ~ trvllvr
“I’m shocked OP wrote this entire post and didn’t see that truth.”
“I’m hoping it’s one of those posts written by the wife or children because yikes.”
“But just in case OP YTA.”
“I have friends and family who I treat and who treat me with more respect than he treated his wife.”
“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been catching up with someone, and they’ve said something like, ‘We are thinking about buying/selling a/this house, moving, etc.'”
“And I’m not even part of their decision or permission-making process.”
“Just friends sharing with friends.”
“Either everyone in my life talks too much, or OP is a consistent AH, and this isn’t an isolated incident.”
“There’s no way this is the only time OP has decided he doesn’t have to communicate with his wife and family.” ~ cakivalue
OP returned with some info…
“I’m impressed that there are over 3k responses.”
“Just to clarify a few things: We have about 45 days to move out of the house, and we already had our move to the new house scheduled for the upcoming days.”
“I thought she agreed to sell, as we both agreed that the house was too big and required a lot of maintenance.”
“So selling it was always the next step.”
Reddit continued…
“YTA… the death of a loved one, divorce… and MOVING HOMES are considered some of the three largest stressors in life.”
“OP, you made an already stressful transition even more stressful unnecessarily.”
“Just communicating about it would have prevented a whole bunch of heartache.”
“Instead, you were doing things in secret and behind her back.”
“If you aren’t sincere in your apology, you may get to put your prenup to the test.”
“With the lack of care and respect for your wife that you express in your post, you are due for a divorce. Was that your end game all along?” ~ Effective_Pie1312
“Also, the apartment is currently vacant.”
“So OP is still wanting to rent that out, I guess, since he normally does that.”
“Besides, selling a house is not a one-day job.”
“It takes time, so at any moment, OP should and could have said something but didn’t.”
“As a married couple, you share things, especially big things.”
“OP has stated selling a house is a stressful process, so he is aware it is a big thing.” ~ Pollythepony1993
“He was fully aware that if he involved her in the process, she’d be against selling the house, and saying ‘It’s my house and therefore my decision’ would be an a**holish thing to say.”
“He might have thought that maybe she would want to buy the house, and for some reason, whether it be ‘not wanting to give a spousal discount,’ ‘needs a place for his mistress,’ or anything in between, he didn’t want to sell it to her.”
“He also didn’t want to repeatedly have to defend his position because not only did he not want to be talked out of selling it, but he also knows that an argument dragged out for the length of time it takes to sell a house gives her a lot of time for her to consider what an a**hole he’s being.”
“And whether he’s the kind of person she wants to spend the rest of her life with.”
“So he waited until it was too late for her to do anything about it, hoping they could just have one argument, which would be tempered by the fact that there wasn’t anything they could do about it anymore.”
“OP, YTA, and you know it.” ~ TheDisapprovingBrit
“Legally, nothing wrong with what you did, but ethically sm wrong over here.”
“Next time you’re going for a trip with your OWN money, don’t inform your wife and just go for a few weeks and just appear back at your home and see how happy your wife gets. YTA.” ~ Shanks_27
“YTA. This isn’t a money thing or even a house thing.”
“It’s a communication thing.”
“She’s lived in that house for years.”
“She has memories, associations, and probably had plans for the future involving it.”
“Just snatching that away from her is an AH move.” ~ BetweenWeebandOtaku
Well, OP, Reddit has some serious issues with your choices.
Yes, financially, the house was always yours.
But a heads up to your wife on selling probably would’ve saved you a lot of stress.
Sometimes people like to prepare to say goodbye to the homes they’ve lived in.
Your intentions seem to have been in the right place.
But the execution could’ve used some work.
Good luck.