Life is messy.
Spills, stains, and dents happen as a natural part of moving through the world.
So, what happens when a natural part of life leaves a stain and someone makes you feel horrible for it?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Competitive-Dot4612 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA Boyfriend found my clean “period panties” and made me feel crappy about it”
OP began with quick introductions.
“Hey all, my boyfriend is 27 and I’m 24.”
“We’ve been together for almost two years.”
Then a quick explanation of her boyfriend’s disposition on dirt.
“My boyfriend is EXTREMELY hygienic in all ways.”
“Like showers twice a day, washes his clothes after every single wear, don’t leave a single dish in the sink dirty.”
“If you ask me, he’s a little over the top on how clean he and everything around the house needs to be 24/7.”
“He will scrub his body 3 separate times in one shower cycle just to make sure he doesn’t miss any dirt. His showers are easily an hour most days if not more.”
“I obviously have good basic hygiene skills, but I am much more relaxed.”
“For example, I will wear a t-shirt twice before washing it so long as it’s not stained, covered in something, or stinky.”
“Or I might leave a few dishes in the sink for a few hours after dinner before I get up and wash them. He would prefer I didn’t and just kept everything to a T right away.”
“Yesterday night we were doing laundry.”
“We always air-dry our clothes to save money and to reduce fading and shrinking.”
“Usually I am the laundry person but on a one-off, he happened to be the one to take the clothes out of the washer and lay them out to dry.”
“He came across one of my pairs of panties that I specifically only wear during that time of the month.”
“I’m certain ladies will understand that we keep panties separate for periods than we do for when we aren’t.”
“Aka I have my ugly or maybe blood-stained pairs for my period, and my cute and well-kempt ones for when I’m not on my period.”
“Anyways, upon seeing these, he told me that I need to throw that pair away and that it’s disgusting and unhygienic.”
She explained the situation at hand,
“He made quite a few comments about how gross they are despite them being CLEAN but just blood-stained from a previous period/spotting situation.”
“I attempted to explain that I keep those pairs solely for when I am bleeding and that it’s a common thing girls do but quickly stopped because I could tell he just disagreed with me and told me that he’s pretty sure other girls do not do this.”
“It made me feel really… I don’t know gross? Ugly? Alienated? I’m not really sure but it definitely made me upset and feel some type of way about something I felt was natural I guess.”
“I snapped at him to forget my explanation because he’s just making me feel like im gross.”
“And a small argument ensued because of this.”
OP was left to wonder,
“We ended up going to bed kind of frustrated with each other but i don’t think I’m in the wrong. AITA?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some pointed out how common OP’s practice is.
“Period panties are 100000% A Thing. If you keep them well washed, why waste money?”
“I am kind of concerned about your partner’s behaviors, has he seen someone about his obsessive/compulsive tendencies?” ~ Background-Aioli4709
“Also saving money by sue drying clothes but he takes up to two hour long showers a day? He is so the AH.”
“OP you are NTA.”
“Every women I’ve ever known Who has a period, and I have a lot of sisters, has certain pairs for while we’re on our period. He is ridiculous.” ~ Reluctantagave
“Absolutely period panties are a thing.”
“What makes this man think he knows better than someone who actually menstruates?”
“Also agreeing with everyone who says that his obsession with hygiene indicates a problem.”
“It’s also bad for the environment and bad for his health; human skin needs those oils he’s constantly scrubbing away.” ~ Passing_Throu
“‘It’s understandable to have underwear etc specifically for that time of the month.”‘
“You can mention ‘period undies’ to pretty much every woman in the world and they will immediately know exactly what you’re talking about! I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have them.”
“NTA op, there’s nothing wrong with having underwear for that time of the month at all.”
“Like why would you want to stain nice undies when there’s the manky ones already ruined aesthetically?”
“I’m 51 and have always had period undies and I’m in Australia so this isn’t something that’s only happening in your country, state, county, town, street, or household……. it’s global 🤗” ~ SheDidWhaaaat
Others were concerned for BF’s mental health.
“You are NTA.”
“He probably has a mental health disorder or phobia that causes his cleaning behavior and even then it’s you wearing them not him.”
“He doesn’t need to touch them or be near them it’s your body and I understand wanting to keep nice panties.”
“I wonder what he would be like with someone who has acidic discharge which bleaches their underwear. Is that also unhygienic even though it is a normal hygienic bodily function?” ~ InvisibleAngst
“I think BF has a mental illness that is not being treated. Scrubbing his body 3x twice a day is not healthy—physically or mentally.”
Keep in mind, if he stays like this you can never have kids with this guy.”
“Kids are disgusting, barfing, puking, crapping stain machines.”
“BTW: Many women wear their period-stained underwear any time they’re clean.”
“I hope he gets help.” ~ Rhuthbarb
“Actually, she said he takes showers twice a day and scrubs himself 3 times per shower so that’s a grand total of 6 body scrubbings per day. Which is deeply problematic behavior.” ~ ThinCommon7
“Can confirm, compulsively bathing yourself wreaks havoc on your skin.”
“This used to be something I’d do when I would get prolonged spells of anxiety, and there wasn’t any amount of lotion that would stop the itching.”
“Edit: not saying that’s what’s going on with OPs partner, but my immediate thought when I read this was how itchy he must be.” ~ priorsloth
“Yes seems more like signs of someone with OCD than just likes to be clean.”
“The hour long showers must cost a fortune and washing all his clothes constantly. Even if they air dry that cannot make up for what his spending on water.”
“OP nothing you’re doing is gross or unhygienic, your boyfriend is obsessive with his hygiene not better.”
“It’s understandable to have underwear etc specifically for that time of the month.”
“Tell him if he thinks it’s so gross HE can buy you new underwear each month. If not tell him to shut the fuck up until he gets a uterus.” ~ Erebu593
There were also financial issues to consider.
“If he would like to buy you period panties every month he is free to do so otherwise STFU.”
“Also periods are normal and no reason for shame.”
“If he don’t want periods in his life he is free to only date post menopausal women. Otherwise he needs to stop being a baby and grow TF up.” ~ kouturecrochet
Some pointed out that this could have future impacts.
“He’s freaking out this bad over period panties?”
“Okay, I’m going to give you things to think about.”
“If you ever have kids, imagine him losing his shit over child birth due to his OCD.”
“Birth isn’t pretty. He’ll most likely be making you feel like garbage during it because he is a germ freak. Then imagine when your kids nurse from you and him freaking the f*ck out over the milk leaking.”
“Something you can’t control but he’ll gaslight you and blame you. Then imagine him freaking the hell out because the toddlers made a mess in the kitchen.”
“OCD is a pain in the ass to live with. Get out of this relationship. NTA” ~ Yip-Yee
Some were just confused.
“NTA why are you still with him?”
“He basically degraded and insulted you.”
“Yes, a lot of women have period panties. He needs to grow up. Tell him that you can survive waking up in a pool of your own blood does he want to try that?” ~ Consolegamergirl
OP did return to give a little more detail.
“Edit to add that ‘black panties’ don’t exactly work for me because I have an iud and my period (and spotting) is very sporadic.”
“I could go 3 months without a period, or I could have it two months in a row.”
“I could have some random light spotting, or the full blown waterfall.”
“There’s really not consistency due to my iud. So I can’t exactly ‘plan out’ when to start wearing those specific black period panties.”
Life is messy.
This does not mean that we have to be ashamed of it.
Accidents, spills, and simple life happens.
Shame should not.