We all have our own preferences in regards to what happens in our home, whether it’s how it’s organized or how often people are invited in.
But people aren’t always the most understanding of practices that are different from the norm, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor sarkasd**k personally did not like having people visit their home at all, which their family did not appreciate or particularly understand.
So when the Original Poster (OP) declined a request for an overnight stay, their family was appalled.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for not letting my in-laws stay in my home overnight to catch an earlier flight?”
The OP did not like having anyone visiting their home.
“I hate having people in my home. Hate it with a passion. I’ve always hated people in my space in general to the point where my bedroom was an off-limits zone period.”
“I don’t have people over to ‘entertain’ them, never did sleepovers as a kid, just altogether, f**k that.”
“There’s no abnormal psych behind it, I’m not remotely introverted, I just hate it.”
“It took me a long time to let my now-husband into my apartment when I lived alone, and he’s always been very respectful. He also feels pretty similar, but it’s more a ‘creature of habit’ thing for him.”
The OP received a request from their in-laws recently.
“We live about 30 minutes from the largest airport in my state, and my in-laws live about 3 hours away.”
“Oftentimes they’ll meet us for dinner or something nearby on their way to and from their flights.”
“Well, there’s now a big stink because my FIL (father-in-law) and MIL (mother-in-law) asked to sleep over so they could get a good night’s rest before heading off to wherever they’re traveling for Thanksgiving.”
“I said no without an explanation.”
“They asked again closer to the date, ‘Are you sure it won’t work?’ and I said no again.”
Their resistance caused family drama.
“MIL asked me AGAIN, now that we’re just a few days out.”
“She asked why, if we had guests, and I just said, ‘We don’t have the space.'”
“She was put out by this and got p**sy and asked what the big deal was, it was just one night, and it would save them a lot of hassle.”
“My husband took over and said no, that we aren’t a makeshift hotel, and to please stop asking.”
“He then said that we just don’t like having people over period, and it’s nothing personal.”
“The ‘nothing personal’ line really p**sed off my MIL, who is now making a big stink up and down social media with all the ‘in my day’ and ‘I would NEVER’ posts, which is totally fine because SHE DOESN’T MIND IT, OBVIOUSLY.”
“For f**k’s sake, a hotel nearby isn’t going to be more than $150, and it’s not like they’re strapped for cash.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was the AH for being so dismissive of family.
“YTA – you aren’t obligated to allow your in-laws to stay over, it’s just the decent thing to do.”
“I assume as his parents, they literally fed and clothed and cared for your husband for 18 years, and this is his home now too, so he could probably extend a courtesy to his parents.”
“Other than it being annoying, there’s no real reason not to, and they haven’t done anything wrong to warrant not being allowed to stay over.”
“Ultimately it’s your space and your choice, but when given a choice, it’s much nicer to choose to be kind, even if it slightly inconveniences you, especially to those you care about.”
“I noticed you said there’s no abnormal psych behind it, but being this closed off about allowing even close family into your home is definitely strange. Might be worth trying to figure out why it bothers you so much.” – PuppetJonBonJovi
“I hate people in my house too. I feel so tense and invaded. Anxiety, introversion, depression, ADHD, and OCD all blend together for the ‘I hate people in my house’ storm that causes literal panic.”
“It’s a tiny townhouse and we don’t even have room for us, let alone them as well. I absolutely hate people using my bathroom too. I don’t even like sharing a bathroom with my husband. I could bleach it 5 times and still be grossed out.”
“But you know what I’ve been doing all week? Cleaning my a** off so my MIL and FIL can stay with us for three days. They’re family and we love them.”
“And I know through therapy I have to step out of my comfort zone. I can’t let my mental illnesses control me.”
“OP claims she doesn’t even have literal mental health issues that could make them staying hard on her. If I can let my in-laws stay at my house for days, even a week sometimes at a time, she can handle one night. She’s the major AH and so is her husband.” – LysstheB***hCalore
“If they never have anyone over, does that mean they stay at other people’s houses and also never reciprocate hosting? Because, hypocritical and selfish if so.”
“I’m also not a fan of people in my space, but I suck it up for family, particularly if it’s just for a night. OP is being stubborn and childish.” – Lilitu9tails
“Nobody is obligated to give anybody anything, this is true, but in the real world if you would not do a reasonable favor for family or friends you are an asshole. Everybody needs a favor or help sometimes and we need to rely on the people we love.”
“So technically it is within your rights to not allow your in-laws to spend the night, but that doesn’t mean you’re not still an a**hole.”
“Now if you had a problem with your in-laws or they were hostile towards you it would be different, but that doesn’t seem to be the case here.” – elvtd1
Others said this was an ESH situation because of boundary-pushing.
“You’re totally dismissing how OP feels about hosting them. It is clearly not just ‘annoying’ or a ‘slight inconvenience’ for them.”
“They clearly state in the post that they hate having guests over with a passion. How would you feel if someone repeatedly pressured you to do something that you would passionately hate to do??” – psyched2k20
“I think it’s fine to say no. But that’s because I too hate having people in my home.”
“But I would 100% pay for their hotel and take them out for dinner, because the right thing to do is house them and I can afford to house them less than 0.5 mi away at a nice place. If I couldn’t I’d suck it up and let them stay.” – I_Suggest_Therapy
“OP is an AH if she can’t suck it up for one night for in-laws that presumably they’re on good terms with.”
“That being said… this is an ESH. Ask once and being told no? Sure. Ask twice? A little annoying, but nothing out of the ordinary?”
“Asking again, getting p**sy about being told ‘no’ (which as we say a lot on this sub, is a whole sentence), and then going to social media to shame OP and her son? Yeah, MIL is just as much of an entitled AH, if not more as the OP.” – SparkAxolotl
While the subReddit could agree that the OP and their husband had every right to say yes or no to someone visiting or staying in their home, they could also agree that there could be consequences.
The OP was still technically wrong to turn away their family to the extent they did, though the mother-in-law’s behavior was questionable, as well. Sometimes we do things for our family that we wouldn’t do for anyone else, and that includes the in-laws.