It’s that time of the year, when romance is in the air and people struggle to justify why they’re single. Not everyone has to deal with that, but it doesn’t mean things are any easier when you’re deciding on a gift for your significant other.
Redditor Conscious-Roof-1064 encountered this exact issue when he chose his gifts for his girlfriend. Now he’s going to the “Am I the A**hole” to find out if he was wrong to get her the gift.
The original poster (OP) asked:
“AITA for getting my girlfriend a bidet?”
Before you start judging, read his story.
“Hey everyone, I’ll try to keep this short. I’m 28M, my girlfriend is 24F. My mom got me a bidet for Christmas and it changed my life. I love it.”
“I honestly can not say enough wonderful things about having a bidet.”
“So for Valentine’s Day I got my girl the typical flowers and chocolate, a necklace, and….. a bidet. I honestly thought it was a good idea, I legitimately thought she’d love it, my mom also got my sister one and she loves hers.”
“I got my girlfriend a really good one, set it up for her and everything.”
“She was f***ing PISSED when she saw I got it for her. She said that I was insinuating that she was dirty, and that I was passively aggressively telling her she needed to clean herself better.”
“My girlfriend is a meticulously clean person. I’ve never had any complaints about how she grooms herself, she always smells great and is waxed and clean everywhere, I honestly just wanted to share the joy my bidet brought me with her.”
“Was this a bad judgment call? AITA here?”
Now you are free to judge OP. Who would think of a plumbing gift for Valentine’s Day?
The users on AITA judge stories like this with one of these acronyms:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
There was a lot of discussion, but the board determined OP was wrong to give his girlfriend that gift without consulting her.
“The lightest YTA, but only because you didn’t stop and think about it for a second. You got her an ass cleaner for the what is considered the most romantic day of the year.” – themajorfall
“YTA for assuming that you liking something meant your girlfriend would automatically like it as much. This gift is way too specific to get for someone without discussing beforehand, never mind going ahead and installing it in their home before they’d okay’d it.”
“TBH I’m wondering if because you love having a bidet you just wanted one when you’re at her place too, in which case it’s a gift for you, not a valentines gift for her. If you’d asked if you could set one up I feel like that might have gone over better, rather than masquerading it as a gift for her.”
“She kinda sucks for jumping to getting all offended (rather than just calling you out for an inappropriate gift), but, I mean, who knows how any of us would react if someone secretly installed a bidet in our home.” – dioor
“Mild YTA. I mean, you were trying to do a nice thing and give your girlfriend a practical gift you thought could benefit her, but you have to see how it would look to her to just give her that unprompted.”
“Just apologise profusely, explain to her that it’s nothing to do with being clean, you just really love yours and it changed your life and wanted to share that with her but she doesn’t have to use it if she doesn’t want it.” – niv727
But it wasn’t so cut and dry. Many people discussed the idea of the gift versus the reaction of the girlfriend and how it would be perceived.
Plenty of comments didn’t think it was all that bad.
“Very mild ESH. There’s a time and a place for plumbing related acts of service, valentines day isn’t one of them. It was thoughtful of you, just badly executed.”
“I’d suggest apologising for this misjudgement, not forcing the issue and letting events play out. Hopefully once heads are cooler you and your partner will both be laughing about this.”
“Enjoy your fresh tushies :)” – HopkirkDeceased
“I’m not sure you would necessarily be TA so much as it simply being a giant fail in communication and timing.”
“You probably should have not done it as a gift, especially at Valentine’s day, but it’s also not really one of those things you spring on a partner without their having expressed a willingness, if not a desire, to own such a thing.”
“I can also 100% see how she would have taken that personally.”
“I’m going to go with NAH, but you got some serious talking to do with your girlfriend when she’s calmed down enough to hear what you’re saying.” – ArtOfOdd
“It’s hard to consider you an ‘asshole’ for what is essentially a badly timed, but considerate, gift. Really, your crime is being a bit oblivious to context regarding when you give the gift of a bidet!”
“I’d honestly go with NAH (except some clean ones). It actually sounds encouraging if you can have a relationship where weird gifts are normal, along with honest gift feedback.” – JohnBovril
OP took it all in stride. He’s since reconciled with his girlfriend, but loves the comments he’s getting.
In fact, he asked for more.
“Update: My GF just texted me and said she used the bidet this morning and loves it 😂 Still loving these judgements though, keep ‘em coming”
“Final update: thanks for all your comments, guys. I get it-I was the a**hole, wrong day, I’m a dumba**, but hey, if I’m going to be an a**hole, at least I’m a clean one.
“My girlfriend and I are both loving reading all of these comments, she loves the gift and has since apologized for freaking out and making a snap judgement on her gift. Have a great night, everyone!”
And he even responded to some of the funnier comments.
“YTA unless the card said ‘your heart is big but your butt is bigger happy Valentine’s Day’” – Bubbledbacteria
“F***! Missed opportunity” – Conscious-Roof-1064
“Honestly, as a person who has used bidets… NTA.”
“I can understand where your girlfriend might be stretching to, but she has to try it to believe it (and I see that she did LOL) but like, yeah, my parents tried a bidet recently at the fancy appliance store (they had them in the bathrooms) and were HOOKED.”
“(I used them in Japan and it was definitely life-changing).”
“You definitely got her this gift out of love and for a meticulously clean person as you say your gf is, this actually makes being clean easier so, yeah.”
“I totally get it’s a ‘weird’ gift and might be offensive without context but like, the context is: get a bidet.” – The-Moocat
“Seriously if any Redditors take anything from this I hope it’s this: GET A BIDET.” – Conscious-Roof-1064
Things worked out well for OP and his partner, and this will be a story they can laugh about for a while. Using a bidet may even become an inside joke.
But if you’re unsure about the gift for your spouse for Valentine’s Day, maybe fall back on the basics, and consider the plumbing gift for a less special occasion.