We often find ourselves at a loss for words when someone near and dear to us has suffered a loss.
Knowing full well that our words can’t really change how they are feeling, or put an end to their grief.
Even so, we still find ourselves compelled to say something.
Though what we say might turn out to be the very last thing our friends want to hear.
Redditor PsychologicalAct8310 had recently suffered a devastating loss, prompting a friend to comfort her.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)’s friend ended up doing anything but comforting her, even resulting in the OP making something of a scene.
Having doubts about her behavior, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for reacting badly to my friend’s religious remark at a funeral?”
The OP explained why she lost her temper with her friend:
“My (24 F[emale]) friend (25F) came to the funeral for my mom, who died of cancer around Christmas time.”
“She came over to me to give me her condolences and asked about the details of how my mom passed.”
“I told her it was my mom’s second battle with cancer and how she had lots of complications.”
“She said ‘I’m so glad nothing like that has ever happened to me or my family. We’re blessed and highly favored. God doesn’t play about us’.”
“This made me extremely angry.”
“I said ‘Glad to know your God plays about my family and all the other people in the world dying of cancer’.”
“I caused a scene and got really upset.”
“She and her family said I’m wrong for attacking someone just being kind and offering their condolences, and that’s probably why God didn’t look after my Mom.”
“I said I want them gone from the funeral.”
“Since then, I haven’t spoken to them or any of the people defending them.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for yelling at her friend.
Everyone agreed that the comments made by the OP’s friends were selfish and insensitive, with many urging the OP to seriously consider cutting off all contact with this “friend.”
“NTA.”
“Your ex-friend is an a**hole.”- Gullible_Bar_7019
“NTA.”
“What she said was inappropriate.”
“The funeral wasn’t about her or her family.”
“Plus, there was the implication that there was a reason her family is ‘favored’ or that yours is not.”
“At least that’s how I took it.”- shroomie19
“She wasn’t being kind at all.”
“I lost my mother to cancer 15 short months ago, and if anyone had said something like that to me then I wouldn’t have been responsible for my actions.”
“Remove these people from your life completely OP, you don’t need sanctimonious religious people telling you that you’ve somehow ‘failed’ their god.”
“A hard NTA.”- Buck_Slamchest
“What in the prosperity gospel F*CK was that?”
“Wow, absolutely NTA!”
“I would immediately drop someone from being my friend if they said that at my mom’s funeral and didn’t apologize.”
“Your friend has an unbelievably toxic worldview and absolutely no social skills or empathy.”-BlaineTog
“NTA.”
“She wasn;t being ‘kind’ she was as being self-righteous, and your mothers funeral is not the time to be rubbing your religion in someone’s face.”
“Your friend isn’t a very good friend.”-Halatir
“Her family doubling down and implying your mom got cancer because you’re rude is wild.”
“NTA, of course.”
“Close relatives of the deceased have the right to make a scene if they want.”- wren_boy1313
“NTA, she wasn’t being kind; she was rubbing it in your face.”
“My only suggestion is that you openly and publicly spread why you wanted them gone, so that they cannot change the narrative behind your back.”
“Make sure everyone knows that this is not a nice person.”- analogascension
“NTA.”
“Never speak to them again.”
“Those weren’t condolences, they weren’t nice, kind, supporting or anything.”
“Your friend was cruel and insensitive, and deserves to be booted from your life.”- katbelleinthedark
“No.”
“Absolutely NTA.”
“It’s hard to justify what she said.”
“She wasn’t being nice, she was essentially saying God cares more about her family than yours which is honestly disgusting, and her family is the same for justifying it and not apologizing.”
“Your friend sounds like a narcissist and clearly has no understanding of the religion they claim to follow.”- DapperNoodle2
“NTA.”
“Can’t wait to see the karma her ‘God’ delivers later down the line.”
“I’m petty enough to keep this in my back pocket for whenever something shit happens to her.”
“Shame ‘God’ couldn’t have blessed her family with more than one brain cell to have the tact and compassion to know not to say something so sh*tty.”
“I’m so sorry about your mom.”- JBB2002902
“NTA.”
‘just being kind’… Nope.”
“There’s nothing ‘kind’ about telling someone their family member died because ‘God was playing games’.”
“Personally, I’ve found it’s best to leave religion and personal beliefs out of the conversation when offering condolences.”
“‘My condolences on your loss. Please let me know if you need anything. I’m just a phone call away’.”- SigSauerPower320
“‘I’m so glad I don’t suffer as much as you do!'”
“How is that being kind?”
“NTA.”- Argorian17
“As a catholic, uuuhh NTA.”
“That’s not okay to say and such a weird thing to think.”
“It’s not even biblical.”- Independent-Ant513
“Absolutely NTA, who says something like that at someone’s funeral?”
“Willing to bet her family didn’t hear the entire actual comment, or they probably (hopefully!) wouldn’t be defending her.”
“My deepest condolences for your loss.”- EeveeBailey
“NTA.”
“I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with these AHs during your time of loss.”
“Your friend’s smugness and lack of kindness are so uncharitable and, dare I say, unchristian.”-wharleeprof
“Absolutely NTA I’m sorry you had to deal with such a sh*t person on such a hard day.”
“Condolences to you and your family.”- A-Lame-Joke
“I’m really sorry for your loss, NTA.”
“She was totally out of line, good on u for telling her off.”- tofurkey_
“NTA.”
“She wasn’t being kind or offering her condolences.”
“She was telling you that God likes her family more than yours, and (by extension) that it’s your mum’s fault she died because she didn’t curry enough favor with God.”
“I wouldn’t be speaking to her again either – it’s absolutely unforgivable to come out with a line like that.”
“If she actually wanted to offer her condolences, she’d tell you ‘I’m so sorry for your loss, I’ll be praying for your mum and the whole family’.”- PetersMapProject
“NTA.”
“I’m religious, and that was so seriously inappropriate and wrong for her to say.”
“Her theology and her social skills both suck.”
“My sympathies on the loss of your mom.”
“F*ck cancer.”- jonesnori
“NTA.”
“I am very sorry for your loss.”
“Their behavior was not very Christian-like at all, and I say that as a minister.”
“God doesn’t signal people out like tha,t and her to imply that is blasphemy.”
“God doesn’t seek to punish his children.”
“I know it’s probably not very comforting at the moment, but it’s more likely your mom was called home to end her suffering and for her to have eternal life in the Kingdom of Heaven without the pain and suffering she had in her Earthly body.”
“You will often hear people ask why a person just isn’t cured and it’s a good question and unfortunately it’s one that I can’t answer.”
“I can however pray that in time your pain will lessen and that you can begin healing.”
“Don’t let others tell you how long to grieve or tell you that it’s been long enough, move on.”
“Grief has no timeline, and it’s never the same for everyone.”
“You can keep her memory alive by sharing stories and documenting what you remember now, as sometimes those memories fade.”
“NTA by your acquaintance, who definitely is not a friend, surely was.”- 4N6momma
“NTA.”
“I am sorry for your loss.”
“Your ‘friend’ and those defending her statement are TA.”
“Sickness is not a punishment from God as some people like to claim.”
“Will she be looking for fault in her family when someone falls ill?”
“Doubtful.”
“Please take care of yourself, get some grief therapy, and keep moving forward without those people in your life.”
“You deserve friends who are caring and compassionate, and those people aren’t.”- SensibleFriend
“NTA.”
“Your friend is an absolute AH of course.”
“Even if you do believe in God, that’s not how things work.”
“Next time they pull something like that, ask them why God ‘favors’ their family but allows little innocent kids all over the world to get horrific diseases and get assaulted by adults.”
“Let them justify that one.”- Carma56
Finding words of comfort is far more difficult than we think it will be.
That being said, it’s hard to imagine how the OP’s friend could have possibly felt that what she said would bring any comfort or relief to the OP.
In fact, anyone with an accurate understanding of Christianity would know that her words were the last thing a good Christian would say…