The length and care of a person’s hair is an intimate issue.
As is the cleaning schedule in a couple’s household.
Hair maintenance and house cleaning can clash quite often.
So who gets to decide what?
Lose the hair?
Or hiring a cleaning person?
Case in point…
Redditor Glad_Cause9006 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not wanting to cut my hair?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I have really long hair that goes down to my back.”
“It’s about 2 feet of hair.”
“It’s always been a strong point of pride for me because I spend a good chunk of money maintaining and caring for my hair.”
“My boyfriend has always been pushing for me to cut it, but recently he’s been even more insistent.”
“He handles all of the grittier cleanings in our home since I really can’t handle dust.”
“He does sweeping, wiping down, and vacuuming.”
“I handle cooking and cleaning that doesn’t make me interact with dust, like dishes, laundry, and some of the trash cans.”
“But because of that, he complains a lot that he has to spend a lot of time cleaning up my hair shedding.”
“He says it makes cleaning take way longer than it has to.”
“He says that even though he’s responsible for cleaning, I should be responsible with my hair, and if it sheds this much then I should consider cutting it.”
“But he doesn’t want me to go shorter by like an inch or two, he wants me to cut off HALF of it, so it goes down to just behind my shoulders.”
“I’m unwilling to part with that much, but he insists that I should.”
“But I really would rather not cut my hair.”
“My nieces have also recently started learning how to braid hair, and it’s been really fun bonding with them through braiding our hair too.”
“I think cleaning up my hair is really just a part of the housework (along with his hair shedding too!)”
“I don’t see a need for me to cut it.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“I have hair above my shoulders… I still shed CONSTANTLY!”
“It’s EVERYWHERE!!”
“Cutting won’t stop the shedding.”
“I’m highly allergic to dust but I live alone, so when I clean I use a mask, wear my glasses, and have long sleeves/gloves.”
“Maybe try that so you can help with the cleaning more?”
“And if you REALLY can’t be around dust, then maybe just try to clean up your hair whenever you can.”
“But you are absolutely NTA for wanting to keep your hair.”
“Cutting it won’t solve the problem but now you’ll also be unhappy.” ~ lumoslomas
“Yes exactly, I was about to say having shorter hair won’t magically stop shedding.”
“Tying it up regularly makes it easier, and only brushing it in one place, rather than all over the house.”
“But otherwise NTA.” ~ Lady_Kajiit
“My daughter and I have a trade-off.”
“I clean the hair out of the drain and she cleans the toilet.”
“We traded least favorite jobs.”
“Perhaps OP and boyfriend could reach an agreement in a similar manner if they discussed it instead of one partner making demands and the other being willfully helpless.” ~ Zealousideal-Slide98
“I put my hair on the wall too, then throw it away when I get out of the shower.”
“My hair sheds like crazy no matter what I do.”
“But in 24 years of marriage, my husband has not once complained about hair shedding (in a house where all three kids, even my teenage son has long hair, he would have a lot of hair shedding to complain about).”
“NTA OP, but I do think you could find ways to help him clean up the hair.”
“I do all the vacuuming and I take the vacuum apart to remove hair that gets entwined in the roller.”
“My suggestion is to find a compromise that makes you both happy.” ~ MamaDragonExMo
“Hold on. OP is inconsiderate because her partner has to clean up her shedding hair to spite the fact that she does the cooking, the laundry, and the dishes. What?”
“How do you get a ‘messier partner’ from this?”
“She’s doing her fair share and one might even argue, more than her fair share.”
“He sweeps, dusts, and vacuums.”
“Oh, the unfairness of the world!”
“OP, don’t EVER let your partner tell you what to do with your own hair. NTA.” ~ ElectronicEcho2788
“She does the cooking, dishes, laundry, and trash.”
“I’d bet that means she also does the grocery shopping?”
“Even if she doesn’t, she still cleans way more than him.”
“NTA at all. It sounds like he’s fixating on it.”
“When she cuts it he’ll find something else that she needs to do to accommodate him.” ~ DiamondsAndDesigners
“Sorry, as someone who has long curly hair, and who sheds quite a lot (and who is solely responsible for cleaning her own house), I simply do not buy the argument that OP’s hair creates a significant difference in the time required to clean the house.”
“Human hair is not terribly difficult to clean up; if you’re sweeping, vacuuming, or dusting, the hair goes along with everything else, and requires no extra effort.”
“It’s not like OP’s hair hovers about in midair, with each strand needing to be individually grabbed by hand.” ~ GothicGingerbread
“What seriously? Okay well her bf should continue to do the dusting because he’s, presumably, larger than her and therefore certainly contributes far more skin cells to the dust around the house.”
“This is stupid, NTA.”
“Living with another person sometimes means cleaning more than when you’re alone.”
“Asking you to cut your hair to reduce a tiny fraction of that cleaning is frankly weird.”
“It sounds like they have a pretty even cleaning workload as is, boyfriend is just being whiney or maybe doesn’t like her long hair for other reasons.”
“‘Piles of super long hair,’ my god she’s not going bald.” ~ c**kasauras
“I wouldn’t even say he’s being dumb.”
“Say your vacuum cleaner is using a brush bar (which it really should be if you have a large carpeted space) longer hairs tangle into it much more.”
“I don’t know what OP’s home is like so can’t make that judgment and jump to ‘Cut your hair!!'”
“Is extreme but I could understand the frustration.”
“The sensible approach would be to agree to a new cleaning schedule and invest in the proper PPE.”
“Would OP live in squalor if they lived alone?”
“Still, for the purpose of the question, OP is NTA.” ~ allyg2749
“For real. I have hair as long as OP and there is A LOT of it.”
“Several times in the last year the bar of my vacuum has quit turning because of all the hair wrapped around it.”
“I’ve had to go at it with scissors for a good twenty minutes to restore functionality.”
“I’ve always had a lot of hair and I’ve always shed, but this didn’t happen when it was shorter.”
“Also the literally hairballs of my own hair around the house were waayyyy less noticeable and more manageable.”
“Cutting her hair probably would solve some of the issues he’s facing.”
“She doesn’t have to do it, but he’s not a bad guy for being at the end of his rope and trying to find a solution.” ~ paigecorrina
“NTA. I would love to hear his explanation for how it’s that much more difficult to vacuum up a 24-inch single strand of hair than a 12-inch strand of hair.”
“My vacuum can handle either.” ~ JazzyKnowsBest13
“I cut my hair from being halfway down my back to being about shoulder length.”
“You’re right that there are just as many hairs.”
“What you’re missing, though, is that shorter hairs are significantly easier to tidy up, that extra 12″ of length makes the tangled mess so much worse.”
“OP is NTA for not wanting to cut their hair, but definitely an AH for expecting her boyfriend to put in the extra work.” ~ Raephstel
“First off, the cleaning thing is a complete red herring.”
“Whatever is behind his demand, it has nothing to do with having to clean up your hair.”
“He might genuinely prefer you with shorter hair, or he might be trying to get you to adopt the hairstyle of the girl who got away, or something else, but I can guarantee it’s not about finding hair around the house.”
“That’s an insanely trivial reason for pressuring someone to change their identity.”
“So don’t do a thing until you find out what’s really going on.”
“And frankly, his method of nagging you and pressuring you to change is pretty off-putting and completely disrespectful.”
“It’s not something I’d do to a partner.”
“I might remark – once – how attractive I found a particular style, and how I thought it might look good on her, but if she chose otherwise, I’d let it drop.”
“It’s her body, after all.”
“Of course you’re NTA.”
“You’re entitled to look however you like.” ~ south3y
“NTA. Most women with extremely long hair are very attached to it.”
“I assume you’re no different, so he’s asking far too big a sacrifice here.”
“I can see where your boyfriend has a point.”
“I just think that there has to be a better compromise here.”
“As an aside, I don’t think cutting it in half is really going to make a massive difference.” ~ squigs
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
It’s your hair.
It’s a part of you.
You get to feel uncomfortable about cutting it.
Hopefully, you and your boyfriend can come to an understanding.
Perhaps a better vacuum or cleaning schedule is in order?