Puppies are awesome but difficult at times.
Just like a baby, puppies need training.
That training takes time.
And it can get in the way of a lot of life situations.
Case in point…
Redditor Altruistic-You-2314 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA For booking a hotel room as part of a date night?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Backstory: My girlfriend (31) and I (33) have been dating for five years, living together for almost three now.”
“2 months ago, we adopted a rescue dog.”
“We love the dog, and having him has been amazing so far, except for one small problem: The dog developed an extreme attachment to my girlfriend and won’t let her out of his sight even for a minute.”
“This is not a big problem since work is flexible, and we have made it work.”
“However, our intimate time has taken a deep hit since we can never close the door of our bedroom without our doggy loudly howling and crying.”
“We are working on this separation anxiety separately, and hopefully it will get better in time.”
“Lately we joked about how we can’t remember the last time we had sex and how we will never have private time ever again.”
“All for good laughs.”
“Last week, while browsing a website that lists discounted products and special promotions, I stumbled upon a great deal at a fancy hotel in our city, 10 minutes walking distance from our place.”
“I immediately thought about her and booked the hotel and a table for dinner as well, thinking about it as a nice way to enjoy a casual date night and provide us with some space for us to be alone.”
“I also made arrangements for a friend of ours to stay home with our puppy.”
“After all the arrangements were done, I sent her a flirty message with the details of my plan; however, her answer was way different from what I expected.”
“She called me immediately and yelled at me.”
“In her words, she was furious that I booked everything without asking her first and disappointed that after so long time of being together, I would believe she would be happy about such a plan.”
“Also, a waste of money and a stupid thing to do, given we live in the same city.”
“It’s been now a couple of days, and she’s still angry at me, and I feel a deep void inside. I never expected this kind of reaction and started to consider I did something outrageous.”
“I apologized already and canceled the whole ordeal; however, I can’t stop thinking about it and haven’t been able to sleep since.”
“AITA here?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Yeah, f**k you for checks notes arranging a romantic surprise for your G[irl]F[riend].”
“Let me spell it out: what you did was nice. It is her reaction that is inexplicable.”
“WHY would she say she’d never be OK with it?”
“It’s not like you were going to abandon the dog. You found a sitter for the dog to keep it company.”
“I feel a deep void inside.”
“Listen to that feeling. She rejected you.”
“She rejected you emotionally, romantically, and sexually in a cruel way, and she is blaming YOU for it.”
“There is no coming back from this.”
“Your relationship is over now that she got this dog.”
“Now she is prioritizing this dog over you.”
“You have been replaced.”
“Plan your future accordingly.”
“If you stay with her, and (god help you) she ever has a baby, the same sh*t will happen all over again.”
“NTA by the way, NTA at all.” ~ Reddit
“That makes sense with anxiety and P[ost] T[raumatic] S[tress] D[isorder].”
“OP didn’t mention anything like that, so her reaction seems over the top to me, but your case is a bit different.”
“I personally also have issues with the ‘we have been together for X years you should know’ because what is sometimes so obvious to one partner is not always obvious to the other.”
“I have had discussions about statements like these in my relationship, and it always seems better to not say this and make clear why something is or is not ok.”
“We have so many interactions with our partners that sometimes feelings can change or intentions get crossed.” ~ Pixel_Spartan117
“I am feeling you here, but dinner and a hotel 10m from home are not flying to Tahiti for a week.”
“OP is staring down the barrel of a sexless life where they witness their girlfriend’s codependent relationship with a dog she is unhealthily enabling.”
“OP’s only hope for a semblance of a relationship is to wait for the dog to die?”
“That’s not cool either. OP’s girlfriend needs to meet them halfway here.” ~ Cant_Handle_This4eva
“Anxious person here with fly by the seat of her pants wife who has ‘an idea for a surprise for me for our 10th wedding anniversary’ this August.”
“Will develop one small ulcer for each day until the grand reveal, then probably have stress poops.”
“All that said, OP, a nice hotel 10m from your house AND locking up the trusted dog sitter is nothing but lovely and considerate.”
“I think you did a good job of being moderate with your surprise.”
“Your girlfriend’s reaction to being separated from the dog, um, might tell you more about what’s wrong with the dog?”
“I’m reminded of Caesar Milan saying dogs don’t need training. Their humans do. NTA.” ~ Cant_Handle_This4eva
“I’m saying NTA because she could have just explained that she doesn’t want to do it without yelling and calling it stupid.”
“Not wanting to participate doesn’t make her a jerk. It’s her reaction that does.”
“If this is the 3rd time in a year he sprang plans like this on her. I can see being frustrated – especially if she typically goes along to get along.”
“But even then it seems like an outsized reaction to yell and insult.” ~ starshine1988
“Exactly like you said.”
“The girlfriend’s reaction is inexplicable.”
“So much so that my cynical mind can’t help but think that we might be missing a part of the story maybe?”
“Because this makes the girlfriend sound pretty unhinged.”
“I could imagine being upset if you spent an extraordinary amount of money for a hotel 10 minutes from where you live, but OP mentions that wasn’t the case.”
“I’m at a loss here. NTA for sure.” ~ testBunny93
“As someone who has felt the deep void in a relationship, it is a cancer that will eat away at both the relationship and your self-esteem.”
“This relationship is doomed because OP now knows that doing anything spontaneous and romantic is going to come with outbursts, and not doing anything will come with accusations of neglecting his partner and the relationship, so he’s in a no-win situation.”
“OP NTA. You’ve done something thoughtful and been burned for it.”
“Might be worth putting together an escape plan as this could get a lot worse.” ~ Clear-Owl-378
“NTA, but this really doesn’t sound like it’s only about the dog or the hotel.”
“You need to sit down with your girlfriend and have a proper conversation about why she reacted the way she did.” ~ chrismansell
“NTA. That’s a very ungrateful response to what sounds like a well-thought-out surprise.”
“This reaction over a dog?”
“Look, I love animals as much as the next person but you can’t spend your whole life catering for them.”
“Being around your pets too much is not good for them, they never learn independence.”
“You would be well within your rights to discuss how disappointed you are with her reaction.” ~ Mobile_Prune_3207
“Did your girlfriend mention she wanted a hotel away from the dog?”
“It sounds like a nice gesture if the person receiving the time away actually wants it.”
“She might love the bonding and unconditional love she’s getting from the dog.”
“She might feel you want the hotel for sex only, which could make her feel cheap.”
“The intimacy level will take a dive anytime you bring in someone that can’t take care of themselves but it comes back.”
“This happens when you have kids too.”
“I wouldn’t say you are an AH but more uninformed of her needs.”
“She’s allowed to not want to go to a hotel room too.”
“Y’all have been together long enough to communicate these things to each other.”
“If you don’t want to have sex in front of the dog, do it in the shower.”
“I can assure you most dogs don’t care about humans having sex in front of them but understand if you don’t want to.” ~ tabbarrett
“NTA that’s a really sweet and thoughtful date night.”
“Staycations are fun.”
“I would find out what is actually bothering her.”
“Does she never like surprises?”
“Does she not want to be intimate with you?”
“Is she financially stressed out?” ~ Severe-Definition656
OP came back with some answers…
“We both have great salaries and spend this kind of money on regular days for dinner.”
“She has mentioned a few times that she wishes we were able to have sex and cuddle comfortably without worrying about the dog.”
“We have to close the door because if the dog is in the room, he jumps in bed every time. It’s not about him just watching us doing it.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You tried to do something nice and romantic.
Sounds like it’s a stressful time.
Soon the puppy will be trained.
Hopefully, then, all will be well.