Some shoppers single-handedly keep the economy stable.
But for many, shopping can be nothing but a stress-inducing nightmare.
Too many people focus on the “perfect” gift.
And the “right” price tag to show affection.
How can something that’s meant to be thoughtful and fun turn sour?
Case in point…
Redditor Otherworldly-crime wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my B[oy]F[riend] the jewelry he bought me is fake?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“This happened on Valentine’s Day and it’s still been on my mind.”
“I am 32 and female, my BF is 36 male, we have been together seven years.”
“We have a very good relationship, but he has not proposed.”
“We both have decent jobs, we bought a house together, cars together, we raise our kids together.”
“For a couple of holidays, he has bought me jewelry.”
“It has always been thoughtful, and things that I have wanted and liked that he remembered from a conversation.”
“Let me also tell you that I am a jeweler for a big jewelry company.”
“I get a very good discount on jewelry that would apply to him shopping for me.”
“It’s not hard for me to see when something is fake as I inspect and fix other people’s jewelry all day.”
“The first time, I didn’t say anything.”
“I assumed he probably got swindled, and I still wore it.”
“The second time I did not say anything again, and again still wore it.”
“Now, on Valentine’s Day, he got me something I’ve been looking for for a long time.”
“I was so excited.”
“I couldn’t help but be disappointed when I realized it was fake as well.”
“I felt an urge to ask him how much he paid for it.”
“I was thinking, is he getting ripped off from the same company over and over, or does he think I don’t notice?”
“I said something.”
“But the way I said it I still feel bad about it.”
“I said, ‘You know it’s fake, right? Like all the other jewelry you got me?'”
“I could see he looked sad when I said that.”
“I tried to smooth the situation out and explain these rare gems cost a lot of money; if this is less than 500 dollars, it’s most likely going to be a fake.”
“I don’t want you to get ripped off.”
“He said no, he didn’t pay that much for it.”
“Part of me was relieved and another part was kind of upset he didn’t research it at all.”
“I don’t want him to spend that much of me for Valentine’s Day.”
“But I also don’t want to wear fake jewelry when I work with jewelry experts, and I am a jewelry expert myself.”
“This isn’t a big ongoing fight or anything.”
“There’s not a bunch of drama tied to it still.”
“But did I prevent him from wanting to buy me jewelry in the future?”
“Should I have just kept quiet?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NAH. There is not enough information here to judge him because he might just not know better, and you let it slide the first time, essentially giving him the green light.”
“But it is definitely worth discussing with him.”
“But he has not proposed…”
“This concerns me.”
“Don’t ever wait for someone to propose.”
“Whether and when to get married is a discussion a couple should have together.”
“The answer to a proposal should never be a surprise because the couple should have already agreed that they want to get married and about when.”
“The how of the proposal should be the only surprise.”
“If you want him to propose, talk to him.” ~ GreekAmericanDom
“Reminds me of a story my friend told me where her husband bought her lilies for every special occasion.”
“She hated lilies but never said anything.”
“Then one day they had a fight on Valentine’s Day and of course, he had bought a huge bouquet of lilies.”
“She finally asked why do you always buy me lilies when I hate them?”
“He said I thought those were tulips.”
“Tulips are her favorite flower.”
“That pretty much ended the fight.”
“The guy just didn’t know his flowers.”
“It’s best to communicate and not let things fester.” ~ Avedygoodgirl
“Every year on our anniversary, my husband gets me a replica of my wedding bouquet as a floral arrangement.”
“The thing is… the florist screwed up my wedding bouquet.”
“It was not what I asked for, and I thought it looked hideous.”
“I have never said a word to my husband.”
“He gets a 10 out of 10 for thoughtfulness, and I appreciate that, even if they aren’t my favorite flowers in the world.”
“OP’s situation is a little bit different, though.”
“Getting fake jewelry for a jeweler?”
“That’s, uh… I’m gonna go with BOLD.”
“If his budget is lower, I’m sure he can still find something awesome within that budget.”
“I’m glad OP said something because it’s so absurd, and it’s not the same as flowers that are only going to last a week or so.” ~ __The_Kraken__
“This is a big thing.”
“If your partner is doing something wrong, tell them.”
“Like outright tell them, no little hints or passive-aggressive post-it note behavior, just tell them flat out, especially if it’s the first time you’re bringing it up to them.”
“There is a good chance they may not know better.” ~ kinkinhood
“I think he’s just kind of a dumb a** for trying?”
“It would be like me buying computer hardware for my ex-husband who built computers, or buying paint for an artist, or an instrument for a musician.”
“Some things just make sh*tty gifts because the gift giver knows 10% of what the recipient knows about the subject.”
“I think you should have said something sooner because you inadvertently encouraged him to keep buying your crap you didn’t want, so I’m voting NAH.” ~ Brave_Quality_4135
“This. If he’s going to buy a jeweler’s jewelry, the least he could do is research what he’s actually buying and what it should actually cost.”
“I can’t imagine after all the years of living with the OP that he doesn’t have some idea of how expensive genuine gemstones and precious metal settings really are.”
“I agree that OP wearing the fake stuff without saying anything inadvertently encouraged him and sent the wrong message that she liked those pieces.”
“Even if it may hurt his feelings initially, he can get past it and not waste money in the future buying gifts the OP doesn’t want. NAH.” ~ SierraWells
“You NAH, but you kinda dump on OP’s BF for not going above and beyond and/or knowing something that nobody told him until now.” ~ yamo25000
“As an artist, I agree.”
“Can’t tell you how many times I’ve received well-meaning gifts that end up donated because they just aren’t the quality I prefer.”
“I’d never buy my fishkeeping fiancé any aquarium plants/fish/supplies because there’s a lot that goes on with it. Things need different parameters.”
“So I buy him a gift card to his favorite fish store!” ~ wathappentothetatato
“Same. I’ve been a bartender for fifteen years and have been at my current whisky bar for ten years.”
“I’ve received more than a few sets of whisky stones.”
“I guess I appreciate the thought, but it is not at all how I enjoy my whisky, and also I think they’re stupid anyway.”
“Don’t buy me whisky or bartending stuff unless you’ve heard me explicitly say that I wanted that thing!”
“Chances are, I probably already have whatever it is, or it’s a pointless, home-bar item that I’d be embarrassed to have. Endrant.” ~ bbrekke
“I think this is unfair and really depends on the dynamics of their relationship.”
“She seems to indicate he’s being attentive and so she’s probably expressing interest in these kinds of pieces.”
“And he possibly feels like these are the things that OP is hinting she wants for a gift and he feels stuck between a rock and a hard place in terms of budget.”
“Honestly, I feel like this is a situation where OP needs to be the one to establish those expectations accordingly, acknowledging explicitly that she doesn’t want him to get those pieces because they would be too expensive if they’re meeting her standards.” ~ torodonn
“Man, people are being pretty hard on a guy who is trying to do a nice thing for his girlfriend.”
“There’s absolutely nothing wrong with telling him this stuff is fake, but you should also tell him you appreciate the consideration and thoughtfulness, if not the actual gift itself.”
“Maybe also offer — if he wants to get you something in the future — to do so together.”
“That way, you get what you want. He’s sure he’s not getting conned, and you get to show off your expertise!” ~ bewbies-
“Maybe she didn’t use the tone I read it in, but there was certainly a better way to approach her issue with the gifts (and I think they realize that).”
“Just because she is an expert in the jewelry field doesn’t mean he is.”
“If I want a gift from my fiancée related to an area of specific interest of mine that she is not knowledgeable in such as cars or computers, I know to be precisely specific in what and where to buy what I want.”
“Otherwise, it’s not her fault if I am disappointed, and I don’t get to be an asshole about my disappointment.”
“I would never buy the OP jewelry again.” ~ Colonel_Lechuga
Well, OP, Reddit is with you. You had an honest concern.
People in honest relationships can have honest, possibly uncomfortable conversations.
Maybe have another chat about it after everything has cooled down.
For the future… does he know about the big discount?
Good luck.