Content Warning: Alcoholism, Addiction, Alcohol Poisoning, Sobriety, Addiction Triggers
There are countless reasons that a person might decide to remove alcohol, certain foods, or other substances from their diets and their lives.
If we truly love them, the best thing we can do is show our undivided support and to avoid their triggers as much as possible, reasoned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor cricketee17's husband had been sober for about three years, after an accidental incident of drinking something that was spiked that nearly cost him his life.
When it was time to celebrate multiple milestones at once, the couple stated that no alcohol should be present, so the Original Poster (OP) was disgusted when her mother and stepdad not only showed up with alcohol, but pressured her husband to drink to have a proper celebration.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by kicking out my mom and stepdad for offering my sober husband champagne?"
The OP's husband was committed to his sobriety journey.
"My (31 Female) husband (32 Male) is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for almost three years now."
"He should have been sober for nearly seven years, but he suffered a setback in 2023 when some of his now-ex-friends spiked his drink with alcohol."
"This setback nearly ended our marriage. Fortunately, we worked through it and are still happily married."
While celebrating several milestones, the couple requested that their party be alcohol-free.
"A few days ago, we had a double celebration: my birthday and my husband's promotion."
"When we sent out invites, we explicitly said that the party was alcohol-free because we wanted to minimize the risk to my husband's sobriety, and I'm also pregnant."
"All of our guests respected this request except for my mom and stepdad, who arrived early and brought in several bottles of champagne and sparkling apple cider."
"When I greeted them at our front door, my stepdad told me, 'It's not a true celebration if we don't have a toast.'"
"This annoyed me, and I was about to ask him to leave, but my husband allowed him and my mom in."
"I was confident he wouldn't drink as we attended two weddings last year, where he never drank alcohol, despite other attendees around him having cocktails and wine."
The OP's stepdad infringed on the OP's husband's sobriety.
"The dinner party was going along well until my stepdad popped open the champagne and started handing over flutes of champagne to others, with my mom helping him."
"When there were two glasses left (which were supposedly for my husband and me), I thought my stepdad would pour the sparkling cider in them. However, he poured champagne into one and cider into the other."
"As he was about to hand over the glass of champagne to my husband, I stopped him and said, 'That should be cider.'"
"He responded, 'Oh, come on, OP, he gave in once and recovered from it; he can surely do it again.'"
"After hearing that statement and seeing my husband's face change from celebratory to defeat sent me over the edge. I shouted, 'Get the f**k out of my house!'"
The OP's mother sided with her stepdad.
"My mom asked me not kick my stepdad out, so I demanded an apology. It seems like his pride is more important than making things right, so he refused to apologize."
"I pulled aside my mom and told her, 'You have to choose, either rejoin the party or leave with my stepdad.' I hated to put my mom in a tough spot, but I refused to allow the disrespect my husband and I experienced in our own home."
"Sadly, my mom chose to leave with my stepdad. I accompanied her outside, kissed her goodbye, and told her I love her."
"Just before they left, my stepdad shouted out, 'What kind of good daughter kicks out her mom from her house?' I simply turned around and headed back inside."
"It's been days since the party, and I'm still replaying the events of that night in my head. Did I overreact when I kicked out my stepdad and mom when my stepdad tried to give my sober husband champagne?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that she did the right thing by advocating for and protecting her husband.
"No, you did not overreact! They were told multiple times not to be jerks, right up until it was time to pour cider in a second glass, and he chose not to! NOR." - Ok-Delivery-1444
"NOR. 'Oh, come on, OP, he gave in once and recovered from it; he can surely do it again.' So I'm sober, and this f**king comment sent me over the edge."
"The audacity of your stepdad to make a comment like this is just despicable and disgusting. Just throw that whole old man out permanently, and don't even think of letting him back in your house. He's an energy and sobriety vampire, and he is not invited in."
"Your mom shouldn't be, either; she's totally enabling him, which will end up getting your husband hurt to not 'hurt' her little husband's fee-fees." - Active-Echidna6834
"I've been sober for almost 6 years and not only would my husband not have allowed the alcohol to enter the house, he'd have thrown hands over, 'Oh, come on OP, he gave in once and recovered from it, he can surely do it again,' to the point that step dad would have ended up in the ICU and hubby would have ended up in jail."
"OP is definitely underreacting and needs to pull her head out of the sand about her mom's complicity in the situation." - Witchywomunn
"NOR. The invitation specifically said no alcohol, and they didn't respect that."
"You can have a toast with water if you want; it doesn't matter what's in the glass, as long as people are celebrating." - midnyt-toker
"That is so f**ked up! Personally, I think you are UNDER-reacting!! These people would not be allowed back into my house."
"But also, I would not have let the bottle come through the threshold. You had already instructed everyone NOT to bring any alcohol, so you need to stick to your guns!"
"If it were me, I would have made them take it back to the car, and if they refused, it would have crash-landed in the bushes or come through the threshold just long enough to be poured down the sink. Please use me as permission to do that next time; your Auntie and Bestie Twistfaria said so."
"Your stepdad is clearly testing how far he can go. First, it was getting the bottle in the house, and then it was to offer some to your husband. Next time, he'll be sneakier about getting it inside, and he might be the next one to spike something. I wouldn't give that nasty man with an even nastier attitude a chance (and by that, I also mean your mom)." - Twistfaria
Others side-eyed the stepdad and assumed that he had a problem with the OP's husband's sobriety journey.
"NOR. Stepdad planned the sabotage, and he was just mad that he didn't get away with it. He is not a safe person who cares about you or your husband's well-being. He's a hater in disguise." - Just1_Doom_2Scrollin
"Is your stepdad an alcoholic? I've seen this kind of behavior from heavy drinkers before. They get mad when someone gets sober."
"Go very low contact with your mom, and him. This behavior is unacceptable. NOR." - butterflygardyn
"He ACTUALLY tried to question, 'What kind of good daughter kicks her mother out?!' while he's the reason just moments before."
"The proper answer would have been to shout back:"
"'The kind of daughter that is going to protect the sobriety of someone who nearly died of alcohol poisoning! You know this, and you still tried to give him alcohol! What kind of monster are you?!? Or are you just that dumb?!?!'"
"You are most definitely NOR. And quite seriously, I would be re-thinking your relationship with your mom, as well! Seriously!!"
"Who, in their right mind, would really think bringing alcohol into your home, and trying to get your sober husband to drink it, is OK? Ever?"
"Your mother went along with this! Your mother helped carry the alcohol into your home! Your mother helped pour and serve the alcohol! She even handed out the glasses!"
"Are you kidding me?!"
"She doesn't care one iota about your husband. She doesn't care one iota about your feelings about having no alcohol in your home. She doesn't care one iota that you nearly lost your husband just a few short years ago."
"She knew what her husband was doing, and she went along with it. Not one single ounce of remorse. Not one apology. Not one argument from her. And you are giving her a pass?"
"Nope. Nope. Nope."
"Cut them both off. Now. Before they do it again. Next time, your husband might not be able to stop. Next time could be the last time. He might not survive if he starts drinking again."
"I want to change my vote from NOR to YOU ARE SERIOUSLY UNDER-REACTING!" - Valuable-Release-868
"There's definitely a category of problem drinker who feels threatened and gets weird. With some, it's just conversation going from easy to awkward; others will fixate and harp on it, and every once in a while, someone will do something malignant and, maybe without realizing it, life-threatening."
"I have experienced the first two a few times, but I've only ever heard of the third happening through others."
"Whether stepdad is an alcoholic or just ignorant as f**k, he's a threat to OP's hubby until his sobriety is sturdy enough that OP doesn't have to run interference to this degree."
"You get to a point where people like this just aren't in your life anymore. Some need to be pushed out deliberately, but most just fade away on their own." - Opening-Natural-3468
"OP, when people love, value, and respect us, they don't put our partners or spouses in danger."
"They do not take his sobriety seriously."
"Your stepfather owes you and your husband apologies for:"
"They arrived with booze and steamrolled you into allowing alcohol in the house."
"They poured your husband champagne when they had sparkling cider, so giving your husband alcohol was still their goal."
"They said something awful about your husband that can put his sobriety in jeopardy."
"They treated you unfairly and tried to set you up to be the bad guy."
"When you refused to let them disrespect your home and harm your husband, they doubled down and insulted you."
"Your stepfather sounds like the kind of person who thinks he is the ELDER above anybody who is younger than him."
"He will never actually treat you like your own adult with your own rights and to make rules and uphold them in your house... forget that!"
"Your husband's sobriety is MORE IMPORTANT THAN THEM!"
"The fact that they refused to support that tells you everything you need to know." - No_Appointment_7232
Birthdays, promotions, and babies on the way are certainly things to celebrate, but there are different ways to celebrate that absolutely do not require alcohol.
It's already a problematic enough act to work against someone's journey to sobriety, but when alcohol has been specifically excluded from an event, and the person in question had a near-fatal accident with alcohol, it's disgusting and life-threatening.
