Sometimes people make the decision to give up their child for adoption. It can take a lot of time and can be a difficult choice, but for some, it’s the right decision.
Redditor toldsisterrr explained his own situation, and how his sister reacted. But after the original poster (OP) snapped at her, he’s left wondering if she might have had a point.
OP took his story to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to be judged for his actions.
“AITA for lashing out at my sister for not shutting up about adoption decision?”
OP had their reasons for their decision:
“My girlfriend (25f) is almost 4 months pregnant. We tried to be careful with protection but I guess we f***ed up and here we are.”
“Her and I (25m) decided adoption will be best. We want kids in the future but we’re both working minimum wage jobs barely making it okay with the bills every month.”
“And we talked about it a lot before we decided it just wouldn’t be fair if our baby had to live in sh**ty conditions because it will get expensive, when we could find someone who might be able to.”
“We found this couple through friends of friends and we’re getting to know them pretty well. Seeing what kind of people they are.”
“My family knows we’re choosing this route and for the most part support it.”
“My sister (35) however keeps pushing that we keep the baby. She has 3 kids herself and all she keeps saying is parenthood is hard but it’s rewarding.”
“I’ve told her yeah we get that, we want kids, but in the future with better jobs and us not counting change in our pockets to take the train to work. It’s been hard enough accepting the reality that we won’t get to raise our first baby together and her constant comments don’t make it better.”
“Even when I ask her tell me how we’re gonna support a baby she just said she doesn’t know but ‘you’ll find a way.’ I’ve told her many times to stop talking about it because of everything it does to us and she’s not even being helpful.”
“Today at my moms she still brings it up again. Just saying she really thinks we’re making a mistake and talking about how tough it’ll be as a parent but it’ll be worth it.”
“My girlfriend got all upset she went to the bathroom. And idk I just told her to ‘shut up’ already. Exactly like that. And that I’m sick of her always talking about this.”
“We know everything we’re going to miss out on so stop talking already. Wasn’t like screaming or anything but I did raise my voice at her because I was just so frustrated already.”
“We didn’t stay long but yeah my sister does think I was an a**hole for having that reaction and she didn’t deserve to be told ‘shut up’ for simply caring about her future niece/nephew. We’ve never fought like this before but I really couldn’t take it anymore.”
“She won’t talk to me, still thinks I was in the wrong. It’s hard to see how but maybe I missed something. Was I an a**hole?”
OP snapped at his sister, but felt he had a good reason. To determine if that’s true, users of the AITA subReddit judged OP based on his story.
This was done by including one of the following in their comment:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP and his girlfriend had a long discussion and came to what they felt was the responsible decision. While OP’s sister can voice her opinion, the continual complaints at OP aren’t helping anyone.
Add on top of that, the girlfriend is hurt by the sister’s continuous comments.
OP wasn’t wrong to have snapped at his sister.
“NTA. you made a very hard, extremely mature decision. your sister has zero say in it and if she haven’t understand it by now, i guess now she does.”
“if she cares about that baby so much, she can adopt it herself. good luck OP.” – durmik
“Funny thing is I suggested that if she’s so adamant about us keeping the baby but she told me to stop being ridiculous.” – toldsisterrrr (OP)
“NTA. Why doesn’t she adopt the baby if she wants to keep it in the family? Adoption is hard enough without the conflict.”
“It’s good that you re sticking your ground. I hope everything goes well and your baby goes to a great family to have a better life, like you intend.” – Opposite_Papaya4210
“NTA being a good parent means making decisions with your childs best interest at heart, which is exactly what you’ve done.”
‘It’s mature and sensible to have realised that you can’t afford a baby right now and have found someone who is, rather than keeping it and not being able to provide for it.” – No-Zucchini4567
Other commenters shared their own stories.
“100% NTA. I was put up for adoption by a birth family in a similar position to yours. I was infinitely better off because of that decision.”
“The decision you’re making is an incredibly important and difficult one that can only be made by you and your girlfriend. If your sister isn’t able to provide the love and support you need right now, then shutting up is exactly what she should do.” – Prestigious_Key_8355
“NTA. You’ve thought about it thoroughly, and made what you feel is the best decision for yourselves and your child. Your sister needs to back off and realise it’s not a decision you made lightly.”
“I’d she’s that adamant you keep the child, is she planning to help you out financially? Unless she is, she has no say in anything.”
“As someone who struggled with fertility, thank you. Thank you for doing the best for your child. Thank you for giving someone a chance at parenthood that they may not have had otherwise.”
“And good luck with everything, you’re doing an incredible, selfless thing.” – Bazzlekry
OP’s sister needs to move on and be supportive of her brother. While she may want him to keep the child, she’s made that clear and he’s already told her he disagreed.
Now is not the time to keep nagging about it, but to try and help.