Keeping it sexy and spicy in the bedroom are some of the ways many couples make it work.
Now, bringing the sexy out of the bedroom and in public is something that everybody should be on the same page about.
A surprise in this department can lead to some issues.
Case in point…
Redditor Throwaway920390 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not using my husband’s ‘hilarious’ gift?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“H (29 M[ale]) and I (26 F[emale]) have been married for four years.”
“I had a great job in sales before Covid, but we found during the pandemic that things just worked better with H at work and me at home (he earns enough to support us both).”
“I never thought I’d end up being a ‘traditional’ wife, but given that he’s the breadwinner, I sometimes feel as though I should pick up a lot of the slack at home.”
“I’m not a great cook, but I’m sociable and enjoy being the hostess.”
“When H has friends over to watch soccer, I prep a huge tray of snacks, keep the beers on ice, and pop in with drink and food top-ups during the game.”
“I don’t stay to watch, but I do ask the guys how they’re doing, etc, just polite chit-chat.”
“They all seemed into it and often comment that H has done well to have such a great wife.”
“It’s a nice setup.”
“Last week, H came home with a beautifully gift-wrapped box and said he’d got me a little something to wear when his friends are next over.”
“I do my best to dress nicely when they’re around, so I figured it would be a pretty dress or something.”
“He had this huge grin on his face, so I was SO excited.”
“I opened the box to find a red latex mini-dress and a ball gag.”
“The gag was designed to look like a soccer ball, and the dress is in his team’s color.”
“I didn’t know what to say at first.”
“I was so confused (he’s never been into anything like that, he’s very vanilla).”
“I asked if it was a joke, and at first, he said no and told me his friends wouldn’t believe how lucky he was if I walked in with the snacks like that.”
“I can’t remember what I said next, but then he told me it would be hilarious if I wore it, and I should lighten up.”
“I gave it a nervous laugh and told him I thought it was funny too.”
“This morning, he’d put both items on my dresser and said he’s looking forward to seeing me in them when the guys are around tomorrow.”
“I reminded him that he said it was a joke. He got a bit sulky and said he can’t believe I don’t have a sense of humor.”
“But from what he’s saying, it sounds like he’s expecting me to wear it.”
“I’m so confused because…”
“1) I don’t know if he’s done this as a joke because his friends think I talk too much, or…”
“2) If he’d get off on me being humiliated.”
“He says I’m being uptight and called me out for being an AH, but I honestly don’t think I’m unreasonable.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“WTF? If it’s something he’s into, this is not the way to introduce it.”
“And if humor is really the goal, tell him that his friends would find it even funnier if HE wore it (undeniably true), and then you can get upset if he doesn’t go along with that because that would make him uptight, and where is his sense of humor?
“100% NTA.” ~ bigcup321
“Unless his friends are the biggest collection of a**holes and creeps in the world, I’m pretty sure at least one of them would be super uncomfortable and confused if she wore those things to bring them snacks.”
“At best it looks like they are dragging his friends consensually into their kinks.”
“If I were married to one of those dudes, and my husband came home and said his friend’s wife had walked around in that outfit plus ball gag serving them, I would also be pretty upset.”
“I’m fine with him going to strip clubs, but another woman subbing in front of my husband kinda rubs me the wrong way.”
“Again I would feel like someone consensually involved my husband in their sex life, and that is not ok.”
“This is just so weird that even a low-level a**hole would probably go ‘wtf.'”
“I would probably tell the friends directly ‘Husband wanted me to wear a ball gag today, and I don’t know if he thinks I talk too much or you guys think I talk too much, but he made it weird, and so the snack service has now ended.'”
“‘You are welcome to ask him to get you snacks if you want them. Sorry if I’ve bothered you guys, but now I just feel too uncomfortable to come around.'”
“Let him deal with whatever fallout comes of that.” ~ Music_withRocks_In
“That’s how my boyfriend would be.”
“He’s texting me, and I’d call him with an emergency so he could nope tf out of there.”
“At the same, he’d never in a million years want me to feel the way this woman’s HUSBAND is making her feel.”
“Partners are supposed to love and support you and prioritize your respect and comfort.”
“He’d never even give me something like that as a ‘joke gift’ because he values my feelings.”
“OP, I think you can do better.”
“You are NTA. Far from it.”
“Your husband though.” ~ StromanthePoet
“My husband wouldn’t even be subtle.”
“It would be ‘Well this is f**ked up.”
“I’m leaving. Don’t call me again. as he’s leaving: ‘THIS IS WHY I DON’T HANG OUT WITH STRAIGHT PEOPLE, MAN! WTF?'”
“NTA OP, this is beyond weird and disgusting, and nobody thinks their homie’s wife dressed as a waitress at a BDSM sports bar is a ‘joke.'”
“That’s also a REALLY expensive joke.”
“I don’t think he’s kidding, and you should shut that s**t down immediately if he keeps pressuring you to behave in a sexual manner in front of his friends, I would constitute that sexual harassment and divorce him ASAP.” ~ thr0wwwwawayyy
“I don’t get how everyone seems to miss that the key element of kink is communication, literally from beginning to end.”
“You discuss things you want to try (latex! Being dressed up by your partner! Exhibitionism!), each participant’s potential comfort with that, limits, a safe word.”
“And typically you build your way up. You don’t go straight to ‘wear fetish gear in front of my friends while serving us food and drinks.'”
“If I were being generous, I’d say that this was an incredibly poor attempt to approach an interest in kink with OP since society is sh*t at helping straight folk communicate their sexual desires that deviate from the norm.”
“But that doesn’t make this acceptable; he’s being so defensive when OP asked for clarification that it’s frankly unhealthy and borderline violent communication.”
“This would make me feel really unsafe as a sexual/romantic partner.” ~ Uma__
“I really enjoy having guests, treating them with delicious food, and making my husband happy.”
“But doing all the prep work AND being the waitress during the evening for my husband and his friends?”
“F*** that. I’m not his maid.”
“We could prep together, but once the game is on bye-bye.”
“He and his friends can manage with the food and drinks while I go enjoy a girl’s night out or a spa day.”
“OP is already being waayyyyyy too nice, and her husband is, at best, dumb as a knife without a handle, at worst a huge toxic and abusive creep who just started showing off his true colors.” ~ dalaigh93
“This. Snack service has now ended.”
“NTA, OP. Your husband sure is for taking what he claimed is a joke to the level of basically saying outright he’s into this.”
“Seems he wanted you to laugh but also desperately wants you to ‘be sexier’ or something.”
“Privately? There are ways to ask. Publicly? It’s humiliation.” ~ runswithwands
“I honestly think that maybe the compliments made him feel amazing—and he is bragging about exactly how much he can get his wife to do.”
“Like she doesn’t do it out of the kindness of her own heart, but because she’s submissive to him and does whatever he wants.”
“I bet he talked himself up like this with his friends, and that’s why he wants his wife to dress up like this.”
“It’s not a bondage kink—it’s simultaneously a humiliation kink and making himself feel like ‘an alpha’ with his friends.”
“This feels like some toxic Andrew Tate incel sh*t.”
“It’s not a joke. Don’t do it.”
“And have a serious talk with your husband about why he thinks this is okay. NTA.” ~ Quirky_Number4460
“NTA. The husband is really f**ked up for even suggesting that as a joke.”
“If this is his first act like this, then what the f**k is he going to do next?”
“I honestly thought it’d be like a sexy maid outfit, which would still be awful, but a f**king ball gag!” ~ Rush_Is_Right
Well, OP, Reddit, is with you loud and clear.
There are jokes, and then there are red flags.
Situations like these should be cleared ahead of time and discussed and agreed upon.