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Woman Angers Roommate After Leaving His Young Daughter Home Alone To Tend To A Work Emergency

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When sharing a living space, certain accommodations have to be made. Even if you’re only roommates and not friends, there’s still some give and take required for a harmonious home.

However when one side wants to take more than the other is willing to give, there’s bound to be conflict.

A woman dealing with that issue in her shared home turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Redditor Throwaway292727n asked:

“AITA for leaving my roommate’s kid home alone?”

She added:

“I told him I couldn’t babysit because I had work.”

“He asked me to just stay home and I didn’t.”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I am a 25-year-old old woman and my roommate is a 30-year-old man. We’re just roommates, he’s not really a friend.”

“He found out a few months ago that he has a 7-year-old child with a woman he had a one night stand with years ago.”

“He has partial custody and I was planning on moving out when the lease is up in April because I didn’t really want to be living with a parent or family. I had been looking for a roommate who’s a quiet young professional because I work from home 3 days a week and like a quiet space.”

“Yesterday, my roommate asked over text if I would be home today. I said yes.”

“He asked, could I look after his daughter today. I said no, I had work.”

“He said that I wouldn’t have to do much, his daughter was pretty independent and I wouldn’t have to take time away from work. Just be there in case she needs anything.”

“I said that I didn’t really want to split my attention. He said that she wouldn’t need hardly any attention, and I dropped it there because I didn’t want to argue.”

Despite saying “no” several times…

“So I thought that was resolved—I thought he realized I’d declined.”

…the message didn’t quite get through.

“This morning, I was expecting to work from home but I got an urgent call from the office, they needed me there ASAP. So I grabbed my laptop and ran out the door without stopping for anything, didn’t stop for breakfast or even a shower.”

“I saw his daughter in the living room watching TV and I didn’t see my roommate there but I didn’t think anything of it. He spends a lot of time in his bedroom so I wasn’t surprised to not see him there.”

“Honestly it barely registered because I was stressed and preoccupied with the thing going wrong at work.”

“I went to the office for the morning and my co-workers and I resolved the issue in time for everyone to head home for lunch. And when I got home, my roommate was there and he was mad, saying I had told him I’d be home all day and then he comes back and I’m out and I’ve left his daughter home alone after he asked me to look after her.”

“I was baffled and said that I’d said I couldn’t babysit. He said that he thought we established that I wouldn’t need to babysit, just be present just in case.”

“I said I didn’t agree to that and I had not tried to lie to him, I had to go to work urgently because something unexpected went wrong.”

“He was mad at me for being so ‘head in the clouds’ for seeing a little kid alone when I already knew she might be home alone, and he’d already asked me to just be there in the apartment, and just running out the door.”

“I said I had enough going on I didn’t have the mental energy to take responsibility for his kid at all. I have work and my own responsibilities.”

“He told me that he wasn’t expecting me to ‘take responsibility’ just do the bare minimum of consideration.”

“AITA for leaving my roommate’s kid home alone?”

Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.

“NTA. If he really thought that you had agreed to babysit, he would have let you know that he was leaving so you would know to check in on the child periodically.”

“He opted to slip away without telling you, assuming that once you realized that the child had been left with you, you would have to keep an eye on her.” ~ Mysterious-System680

“NTA, you clearly declined and he left his kid there without actually yelling or confirming it with you. It’s his own fault.” ~ HKM-1017

“Yeah I think it’s a pretty universal rule that if you don’t know that you’re babysitting, you’re not babysitting.”

“As someone who made a living being a babysitter/nanny for many years, childcare should be preceded by a conversation about the expectations, any allergies, the rules, the concerns, etc…”

“If the kid is under 13, your PRIMARY activity in that house is supervising that kid, especially if they’re not yours. Even a passing childcare role is high stakes enough that it needs to be confirmed, detailed and agreed upon.” ~ VisceralSardonic

“NTA, not your child, not your problem. Especially since you already told him no!”

“If he wants to be in this kid’s life, he’s going to have to learn how to parent, including finding reliable babysitters – it’s not your responsibility to do that for him.” ~ riritreetop

“Not to mention the fact that in the unlikely event something went wrong then the roommate would have pinned it all on OP.”

“Stand firm, OP, and do not agree to watch his kid for any length of time. NTA.” ~ Anonymotron42

“Definitely NTA. I have no idea how can any parent even think of doing that. I have seen a couple of similar post here lately (parents leaving kids alone or with people that don’t want/can’t take care of them, like another slightly older child).”

“What are these people thinking? I have two kid’s and I cannot possibly imagine a reason to leave them alone in a house (or anywhere) unsupervised, or hell, with someone I don’t completely trust (like VERY CLOSE family or a trusted professional I am paying for).”

“They are supposed to be the thing you care about most in the world, and you decide to just let them do whatever like a puppy?”

“What are they doing that you cannot take them in an emergency? Or why can you not arrange a professional service?”

“I mean it is expensive but any normal parent has one on call just for unexpected issues.”

“I admit I may be a bit biased since often it seems my two boys have some sort of a deathwish, and get themselves in dangerous situations all the time, like climbing everywhere, scavenging for tools, getting on the roof, trying to start the firepit and all sorts of shit like that.” ~ gordito_delgado

“Why the heck wouldn’t the kid just be staying with Mom? Visitation isn’t for a parent’s roommate.”

“But NTA. Kind of ridiculous for your roommate to pretend he didn’t realize you said no.”

“When you badger someone further after being given a no silence doesn’t change it to yes if you ignore someone.” ~ Kris82868

Most Redditors focused on the fact the OP said “no.”

Repeatedly.

It was their roommate’s responsibility to make certain their child was being supervised.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metis Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. She considers herself another proud Maineiac.
Member of NAJA.