When Revolutionary_Age142 and her then-fiancée announced their engagement a few years ago, they quickly learned that not all of their “friends” were supportive of an LGBTQ+ marriage.
The day of their wedding began with a disheartening blow, and she made a demand that was later criticized by a mutual friend.
Wondering what strangers would have to say, she visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for forcing my friends to pay for my ruined wedding dress?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained what led her to the subReddit now.
“This incident happened a few years ago but I was recently reminded of it and I want to take Reddit’s judgment.”
“So a few years ago me and N (my then fiancée) got engaged. We are both gay and female so it was a lesbian marriage.”
“We had tons of fun planning the wedding and especially choosing the wedding dresses. N chose a beautiful dress in white and I chose a gorgeous dress in sky blue.”
“Me and N have a mutual friend who I will call S. When we told S about our engagement he seemed weird but I just shrugged it off.”
“Fast forward to the day of the wedding. I wake up and I find out both me and N’s dresses are missing.”
“We both immediately start to look. I text S to ask if he had seen our dresses.”
“Here is basically how our conversation went:”
“Me: Have you seen me and N’s wedding dresses?”
“S: Gay people should not get married.”
“I press a little further and S admits that he along with M (N’s little sister) stole and destroyed our dresses.”
“Me: I am sending you a bill for $5,000 (the cost of both of our wedding dresses combined) so we can buy them again. If you and M don’t pay that then I and N am taking you both to court.”
“Me and N both started crying then because we didn’t know what to do. We then decide to wear another fancy dress we have though the whole day was basically ruined.”
“After the wedding S and M surprisingly pay us and me and N go no contact with them.”
“After we went no contact another mutual friend of ours said we should not have forced S and M to pay because it was not like we were going to get our wedding dresses back.”
“Well the thing is me and N wanted to buy our wedding dresses again as a keepsake because they were really pretty. N’s dress had flowers on it and mine had glitter and little white clouds on the skirt. We took the money and bought our dresses again and tried to move on.”
“But I am still conflicted on whether or not we should have asked for $5,000. AITA?”
“I am not look for judgement on cutting my friends off but on forcing them to pay $5,000.”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors said the OP and her wife were rightfully entitled to the money owed to them.
“NTA. I don’t understand your mutual friend at all. Should M and S have decided to steal your jewelry worth €5.000 there would have been no discussion whatsoever about the reimbursement.”
“They stole your stuff, they have to return it or pay you an equivalent value.” – aroukouth
“I agree. If S and M don’t like OP and her wife because they are gay, then why keep being friends with them? I’m glad she got the money.” – WeeklyConversation8
“I don’t understand it either. In what world is it okay for someone to steal and destroy someone else’s property? Who in their right mind would call OP an AH for demanding reimbursement?? The mutual friend is nuts. – OrdinaryOrder8
“NTA. $5000 is $5000. It doesn’t matter what it was, it could be a $5000 cheese board… it’s still theft. Just because you already got married and you don’t need the dresses, you want them and you’re entitled to them because it’s your money.”
“Even if you decided that you won’t repurchase the dresses, it makes no difference. They still stole and destroyed $5000 worth of belongings, and that’s what they owed you, it’s none of their business how you spend that money.”
“They should think themselves lucky, because if I was in a similar situation then I’d definitely press charges against them. Family or not, I wouldn’t stand for that.”
“And that isn’t even taking into account spoiling what is traditionally a big part in anyone’s wedding. Yeah, I’d say they got off too lightly.” – LoadedGull
“What they did is pretty much a hate crime! You guys had no inkling that this friend felt this way about gay marriages?”
“They should be made to pay for way more than just the cost of dresses. Your mutual friend sounds like a self righteous pill. What the hell were they thinking when they said you should not have made your aggressors pay for the dresses. Sheesh!” – Mr_Carson
“NTA. They stole and destroyed your property. It doesn’t matter whether the money will be able to buy the exact same thing again or whether you’d use it again. You’re entitled to be made whole.”
“They’re lucky you didn’t go to the police for theft and mischief.” – readingonthebus
The OP later responded to detailed inquiries and had words for those who left negative comments.
“[L]ots of people are asking how S and M stole the dresses. He lived with us in a house that me and N both owned.”
“After the wedding we kicked him out.”
“Me and N don’t feel comfortable sharing photos of ourselves on the internet but I can write a description of the dresses. My dress was sky blue with sparkles on it and white clouds on the skirt. N’s dress was with purple flowers, pink flowers, and green leaves on the skirts. We designed them ourselves.”
“Since we never got to wear the dresses on our wedding day we wear them for our anniversary, special/formal events, and on our holiday cards every year there is a picture of us in them. Wherever we are not wearing the dresses they are on a special mannequin in our room.”
“And we did report them to the police but chose not to press charges. And they cut up our dresses and threw them away. That is how they destroyed them. They did not sell the dresses.”
“To all the people saying this is fake, you are welcome to believe what you want. I will not argue with you.”
Overall, Redditors declared NTA and even believed the culprits got off easy by not owing more than the $5K amount for all of the distress they caused the couple on their wedding day.