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Lesbian Balks When Male Best Friend’s Girlfriend Tells Her To ‘Back The F**k Off’ After First Meeting

Maria Lysenko/Unsplash

Introducing a significant other to a close friend can be nerve-racking.

Both relationships are so important, but for very different reasons. As Seinfeld’s George Costanza put it, that’s when the worlds collide.

One Redditor found herself involved in just that dynamic. She posted about it on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.

The Original Poster (OP), known as anongaybestfriend on the site, asked:

“AITA For not avoiding my best friend so his gf feels more comfortable?”

OP began with an array of background information. 

“I (21-year-old female) am best friends with W (22-year-old male). W and I met during freshman orientation and formed a tight knit group with 3 other girls.”

“We are all still friends, but W and I hang out the most because we are the most social people in the group.”

Let’s get this out of the way, I am a lesbian, and I am fully out of the closet. W has also never expressed any attraction to me before or after I came out.”

“I’ve always gotten along with his partners, and I’m still close friends with one of his exes.”

“I’m also a very ‘huggy’ person, I give incredible hugs and it’s a skill that needs to be shared and appreciated lol.”

Recently, W’s romantic life took a major turn. 

“He’s been dating S (22-year-old female) for 2 months now and he seems really happy about it. It had been rough for him during the pandemic, and I’m happy that he found someone who lifts him up.”

“That’s why I’m a little conflicted here.”

“I was excited to meet S after W talking about her nonstop and we + a couple of other friends met at his place (we are all vaccinated and tested negative).”

That meeting did not go great. 

“She didn’t seem to like me very much, answering all my questions with one or two word responses and giving my kinda cold looks.”

“I tend to overthink, so I figured she was just shy and I was reading too much into things.”

“We all ended up playing Mario Kart and Smash for a few hours. When it was time to go I hugged W and all my other friends goodbye, I nonverbally offered her a hug but she just shook her head (fair enough, honestly).”

But it didn’t end there. 

“The next day I got a dm from her on Instagram telling me she didn’t appreciate how flirty I was with W and told me to ‘back the fu** off.’ “

“I was pretty shocked, because I thought she knew I was gay, but I could kinda see where she was coming from. I’m very fem presenting so people might often assume incorrectly.”

“I clarified that I am not interested in W or any man for that matter, and I have no intention of getting between them.”

“She said that didn’t matter and I need to ‘know my role.’ Which was….interesting.”

That was tough for OP to swallow. 

“Trying to keep the peace, I told her I’d stop giving him hugs if that was the issue. Which she then replied that she’d prefer I just distance myself from him. I haven’t responded.”

“I really have no intention of avoiding or distancing myself from one of my best friends.”

“AITA, is this disrespectful to their relationship?”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Redditors assured OP she wasn’t the a**hole. 

“NTA honestly no, you are not disrespectful at all, you are just trying to be nice. she is disrespectful to her boyfriend.”

she doesn’t care that you are his best friend and also, she should know that relationship without trust is a huge 0.”

“don’t stress out. you don’t need to be friends with her, nor do you guys need to like each other. it’s okay.” — tatemalia

“NTA. You two are friends, nothing more. She’s just being insecure because the relationship is new and she’s trying to throw her weight around.”

“So just stand your ground and don’t let her push you around. The second you do, the more she’s gonna do it.” — PhoenixEcho1

“You are NTA. She is out of line for demanding this from you. You have no relationship with her at this point. Her relationship is with him. She needs to demand this from him if she wants it.”

“Then he has the choice to keep his friendship with you and kick her to the curb or distance himself from you.”

“You should not distance yourself voluntarily, this choice should not be yours but his. You will see how much the friendship means to him.”

“Perhaps he should get out (of the relationship) while he still can because this is not normal behavior….” — RollTheHard66

Others offered some advice. 

“NTA Youre not being disrespectful to their relationship, you’ve known him for longer and neither of you are interested in each other.. You’re also best friends. She’s been around for 2 months and is already making demands..”

“Hell she needs to know her place as girlfriend means she cannot keep him from seeing people.”

“Genuinely I’d bring this up to W, maybe ask what his verdict is on this.. Because even if it ends for them in a break up, that’s better considering how controlling and jealous she seems” — zZombi__

“Whoa, whoa — huge NTA. I would say gf of 2 months needs to take her own advice and check her position here. It’s incredibly inappropriate that she took it upon herself to tell you off over her own jealousy issues.”

“I’d give your friend a heads up. He deserves to know who he’s dating and that his gf is trying to invoke some major changes to his interpersonal relationships likely without his knowledge (or consent).” — humanmartians

“NTA it’s an insecure child still stuck in high school mentality, tell your friend because the combativeness and trying to put distance between him and his friends won’t stop with you and he has the right to know” — Ssshushpup23

As an update to her original post illustrated, OP took that advice to heart. 

“I slept on it and I sent screenshots of the convo to W with the message ‘hey homie, I totally understand if you want to focus on your relationship right now. I don’t know if this is a joint decision between you and S, but I will do whatever makes you happiest’.”

“‘If I crossed a boundary please let me know.’ He hasn’t read the message yet.”

OP later informed folks how it all shook out. 

“I spoke with W and you all were right. He didn’t want to lower contact and he didn’t even know that S felt this way. S never seemed jealous or upset when he’d talk about me to her.”

“He told me I didn’t do anything wrong in his eyes and that he’d talk to her and try to figure this out. The call was pretty short and he seemed really upset, so that sucks. But I don’t think I’m going to lose a friend.”

“S deleted her messages on insta.”

At the very least, OP can rest assured she was a thoughtful, loyal friend throughout the whole ordeal.

Written by Eric Spring

Eric Spring lives in New York City. He has poor vision and cooks a good egg. Most of his money is spent on live music and produce. He usually wears plain, solid color sweatshirts without hoods because he assumes loud patterns make people expect something big. Typically, he'll bypass a handshake and go straight for the hug.