Over the past few decades, the pride flag has become a beacon of hope for many.
It’s flown everywhere, from schools to police stations.
It can be seen as a symbol of hope and safety.
But for some, it’s been labeled a distraction.
This has caused quite a stir in communities and relationships.
Redditor EarlySupport8728 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my friend that I wasn’t taking down my pride flag?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’ll try to keep it simple.”
“I (19 F[emale], lesbian) am living alone and have a friend (20 F) named Stephanie.”
“She and her 3-year-old kid came over the other day to my house since we’re close.”
“We had planned this a couple of days before, but while she was coming, she texted me to say that she’d prefer if I took my lesbian flag down.”
“She’s generally supportive. However, she has a conservative background.”
“She said she didn’t want her kid talking about gay stuff to her grandparents.”
“My flag is a hassle to put up.”
“When I put it up a year ago, I swear it took an hour just to get it up there, and it didn’t look perfect at all.”
“I said I couldn’t, but Stephanie didn’t have the time to see the response since she was already 10 minutes away.”
“She was very angry when she got there, and the flag was still up.”
“It went as normal otherwise, just a little awkward.”
“Fast forward to the day after they left.”
“Stephanie texted me about how mad she was because her kid mentioned the flag and was asking about it.”
“Stephanie went off on a rant about how she was never coming over again.”
“I was tired since I just got home, so I texted ‘okay’ and turned off my phone to take a nap.”
“I woke up to angry texts from 30 minutes ago.”
“Now I’m wondering if it was worth it over a flag and if I should have taken it down.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA… and I’m not sure how ‘supportive’ it is for her to be angry about your not taking it down or even asking you to.”
“Also, it seems like she just didn’t want to have to deal with her parents’ comments if her kid says something.”
“Um, I know you’re both relatively young, but she’s old enough to be a mother so she’s old enough to handle herself.”
“You responded really well: not your circus, not your clowns.”
“Live your life, including taking a nap if you’re tired.”
“Let her be annoyed all she wants that you didn’t do what she wanted.”
“Sucks for her that it’s not your job to do so.”
“Good for you.” ~ dresses_212_10028
“NTA. How hard would have been for Stephanie to say, ‘Oh it’s a flag OP likes.’”
“Kiddo is 3.”
“Don’t think you need to go in-depth on a lesbian flag with a 3-year-old. “
“Again OP NTA.”
“Now your friend AH.” ~ OutrageousDaikon1456
“Mommy, why does Auntie Early have a flag with rainbows?”
‘Because Auntie Early likes it.”
“That’s really all a minimal child needs.” ~ Tygrkatt
“NTA, this doesn’t sound like a friend.”
“I’m sorry you had to find out like that.”
“There is also no way her kid cared or knew what that flag was, so it was her excuse to see if she could get you to change (for her???).”
“Very odd behavior, and you’re better off without it in your life.” ~ Les-Veges-Bebe
“What I find absolutely atrocious AF about Stephanie’s request for OP to remove her pride flag is this: Stephanie is a 20-year-old mom to a 3-year-old.”
“Meaning she got pregnant at 16/17!”
“Which is technically taboo AF and deemed unacceptable in society so to speak!”
“(and I actually say this as a Mom who got pregnant with her first kid – a soon-to-be 28-year-old as a 15-year-old second-semester junior in HS)!”
“So to me, whatever she REALLY thinks goes out the window and makes Stephanie a GIANT A-H!”
“I’m so tired of everything and everyone going through life with the ‘rules for thee but not for me’ mentality for ‘ooh so scary taboo subjects.'”
“OP IS NTA IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, PERIOD!!”
“OP needs to leave Stephanie in the “former friend’ category of her life!” ~ bustakita
“This. I feel for Stephanie’s kids.”
“They’re having the type of upbringing that means they will have to hide their identity so as to avoid upsetting their conservative family (should they not be straight, or quite possibly anything else not conforming to ‘conservative normal’).”
“Stephanie let her mask slip.”
“She’s just the same as her parents, if not worse, because at least her parents are openly hostile.”
“Stephanie pretends to be fine with it until it risks making her life awkward.” ~ TrickSea_239
“NTA. At 3 years old, the kid’s not even gonna know what that flag is.”
“What little kid doesn’t like colorful stuff?”
“Stephanie can easily tell her kid ‘Oh friend just liked the color of it. It looks nice, doesn’t it?'”
“End of conversation.”
“As adults, we love to project our years of lived experience onto kids.”
“Just because we know what that flag means doesn’t mean you can’t explain it in any other way than the full, unabridged truth.”
“Does Stephanie really think the only way she can answer those questions is the full birds and the bees and the birds and the birds and the bees and the bees talk?” ~ SquiffyRae
“NTA. This is a 3-year-old child.”
“The kid would have absolutely NO idea what the flag represents.”
“Even if the child had asked what it was, your friend could have said it was just a decoration of yours.”
“Your friend seems to be blaming her own child for her own issues.” ~ Smarterthanuthink867
“NTA at all!”
“Your house, your rules, and definitely your flag! 🏳️🌈”
“It’s tough that Stephanie didn’t understand, but honestly, it sounds like she’s using her conservative background as an excuse to push her comfort over your identity.”
“You shouldn’t have to hide who you are, especially in your own space.”
“Maybe it’s time for Stephanie to have a chat with her kid about the diverse world out there.”
“Stick to your colors and keep flying that flag high!” ~ NathalieCupcake_
“Exactly. OP shouldn’t have to hide the flag (especially after putting so much effort into putting it up).”
“The friend should also consider OP’s feelings instead of expecting her to compromise for their kid.” ~ Asleep_Tomatillo6912
“I’m not out to my extended conservative family because I’m not interested in arguing or debating my identity.”
“On some level, I can understand Stephanie’s concern about the kid bringing gay stuff up in front of her parents and starting an argument.”
“If she’s been breaking free, then she’s likely already had to deal with a lot of comments from them.”
“That’s the extent of the sympathy I’m willing to give, though.”
“She is still responsible for what she says and does, and she was definitely TA to OP.”
“However, Stephanie has forgotten that her fears don’t give her the right to make OP do anything.”
“Even if she’s so concerned about conflict with her parents, she’s still the one who has to find a solution that she thinks will work.”
“Of course, I doubt that this will be the last time the kid ever sees a pride flag.”
“I just hope Stephanie is prepared for that reality.” ~ ConstructionNo9678
“NTA, but at least you see what type of person she is now.”
“And not to sound judgmental… though I guess this is the sub for it, but conservative background…teenage pregnancy… worried about that ‘gay stuff.'”
“Okay. Interesting!” ~ chaenukyun
“NTA… and a very petty part of me wants to point out that the very conservative-raised kid had a baby at 16 while the EVIL LESBO (full sarcasm) has her s**t remarkably together at 19.”
“The scary gay flag questions are the least of her problems once the kid can start doing math.” ~ Secret_Werewolf1942
“NTA – so a pride flag is an issue for her conservative background but not the fact she got pregnant at 16?”
“Maybe if she embraced a more open-minded mindset, she might manage to not be a grandma at 32.”
“But seriously, you be confident in your sexuality regardless of orientation will serve you well in protecting yourself in romantic relationships.”
“Now apply it to friends – unless she is in an extremely unsafe situation where her parent’s rampant homophobia means her friendship with you poses a danger to her, then you need to tell her her request was out of line and the excuse ‘I’m not homophobic, they are’ doesn’t cut it.” ~ NoZookeepergame9552
“NTA. It’s not like you had graphic lesbian porn on display, it was a flag.”
“It was stripes of color in a row.”
“She’d rather let her kids be exposed to hate rather than acceptance.”
“She wants her kids to not know/ask about queer people because it’s easier for her to deal with her bigoted family that way, and that’s not your responsibility.” ~ lncognithrowaway
“NTA. Had a so-called friend call me ahead of our hang-out time just to tell me not to wear my Lesbian Pride Dragon T-shirt on the day of her Birthday.”
“Which I also planned a birthday surprise for her.”
“My response was, ‘Have a happy birthday’ and I hung up on her and blocked her number.”
“I am older and don’t have many friends.”
“But, I chose to end the friendship that day.”
“Because no friendship or relationship is worth my mental health and having to hide my authentic self.”
“Life is too short.”
“So enjoy your life.”
“Live your truth and don’t let anyone treat you like you’re just meant to be tolerated or respected only when they feel you deserve to be respected.”
“Be well.” ~ Artist_Thin_Ice505
“NTA. Your friend is NOT supportive.”
“If she were, she’d have no issue with explaining what a lesbian is to her child, even if she had to say ‘But granny and grandpa don’t like hearing about that, so maybe don’t talk about lesbians around them.'”
“The fact that she doesn’t want her child learning about The GaysTM at all means that she doesn’t think it’s a child-friendly topic – which means she’s a bigot, even if it’s ‘low key.'” ~ boogerbabe69
“NTA. I can’t imagine Stephanie is actually supportive.”
“It doesn’t matter how hard or easy your flag was to put up.”
“You’re proud of who you are.”
“She can’t explain a simple flag to her toddler?”
‘I’d be reevaluating your friendship.” ~ Reasonable_Beach1087
“NTA, I always answered any questions my children had growing up.”
“My (60) close friend (F 76) is a lesbian, and I explained what it meant that their aunt is a lesbian.”
“Essentially, they were told that people love people they are attracted to and love is love.’
“Your friend should have explained the flag, in an age-appropriate way.”
“Hiding or acting embarrassed helps the child to grow up thinking there is something shameful or needs to be hidden.”
“Children are not born with intolerance or hatred, that is something they learn.” ~ Diligent-Touch-5456
“NTA. I can’t get over how sh*tty people are becoming.”
“I can’t imagine asking someone to buy Michelob instead of Bud Light if they said they’re going to the liquor store to buy us beer.”
“Nevermind demanding someone do something to make me feel more comfortable in their house.”
“If someone invites you for supper you eat what is made and tell them it was delicious and thank them.”
“That’s the rules.”
“If someone invites you to their house you go there, be respectful, thank them for everything, and text after saying thanks again for everything.”
“I just can’t get over the entitlement and nerve of some people to carry themselves the way they do.” ~ REDDIT
“F**k Stephanie.”
“How you express yourself in your house is none of her business.”
“The kid is 3 and she’d have first had to explain the flag to get her to talk about it in any kind of way with the grandparents who should have been told they’re bigots if Stephanie was any kind of supportive whatsoever.” ~ NinjaHidingintheOpen
“NTA – but… if she used the term ‘lesbian flag’ I would definitely be questioning WTF her deal was.”
“She doesn’t sound like her family is the only ones who have a problem.”
“Besides, her 3-year-old would have literally recognized the rainbow and that’s it.”
“Her child was not asking why you had the flag up, or any other question that should have upset her.”
“‘Oh, she likes rainbows.'”
“Would have ended that conversation, and wouldn’t have been a lie.”
“ETA – I have been informed that there’s an actual ‘Lesbian flag’ that’s outside of the standard rainbow pride flag.”
“I’ve only ever experienced the standard rainbow or trans flag, so my other comments don’t matter.”
“Just my judgment of NTA.” ~ IcePrincess_Not_Sk8r
“NTA. Please remove this person from your life this is toxic!”
“Your home is your safe place as a mom to an extremely curious two-year-old and friends who have pride flags up I tell him it’s a rainbow or it’s pretty.”
“Never has it been negative the fact that she was mad at your home decor… she is not a friend.” ~ Joeywraylyne
“The grandparents don’t know you.”
“They will never know you, and therefore you are not their problem: if they get pissed off because their granddaughter’s friend owns a lesbian flag in her own home, they can die mad about it. NTA.” ~ junkdrawertales
“NTA It’s YOUR home. Not hers.”
“And she doesn’t sound generally supportive whatsoever.”
“At 3 my kid loves waving around a pride flag I got at a pride parade just bc it was rainbow, she didn’t understand (though I personally have since explained).”
“Your ‘friend’ is being absolutely ridiculous and exactly how I would expect a conservative to behave.”
“End of story.” ~ nirvanaaesthetixxx
“NTA. Not even about the kid or her background or whatever.”
“I don’t know why a ‘friend’ would think they could request you change the decor in your house for any reason.”
“Just don’t come over, hun.” ~ Regular-Message9591
“NTA. Your friend is actually a bigot.”
“Block and move on.” ~ BigWhiteDog
“NTA. It was super rude of her to ask.”
“And I wouldn’t have taken the flag down either.”
“Would she tell other friends to take down paintings she doesn’t like?”
“Your friend is being ridiculous.” ~ ChicagoWhiteSox35
“NTA, but imagine possessing the audacity to ask a queer person to take down the pride flag at their home?”
“She’s not your friend.” ~ MotherofCats9258
Reddit proudly has your back OP.
Your house, your flag, your rules.
How dare your “friend” ask this of you in the first place!
Some “friend.”
You have every right to stand your ground with your decision.
If she doesn’t want a relationship with you and your family, then so be it.
Happy Pride… every day!!