Secrets always have a way of exploding.
It is only a matter of time.
Especially when more than one person knows the truth.
Then it’s all too easy for the secret to unravel.
When, where, and how the truth happens really plays a major role in the fallout.
Case in point…
Redditor That_Technician_9244 to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for walking out of a wedding I was a part of and ‘ruining’ the day?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I dated my ex-boyfriend ‘John’ for four years, and got serious enough where we started planning for our future (wedding, kids, etc.)”
“I thought we were pretty happy, but last year he dumped me pretty suddenly.”
“I tried to figure out what went wrong, but he said it was ‘personal’ and that I should respect his space.”
“During this time, my best friend ‘Stacy’ and her fiancé ‘Tom’ were my rocks, letting me crash at their place and just being overwhelmingly supportive and loving.”
“When Stacy asked me to be her M[aid]-O[f]-H[onor], I thought it was a no-brainer and happily took on the task.”
“Fast forward to what happened this weekend: the morning of the wedding, Tom asked me to meet him for breakfast super early in the AM before all of the festivities.”
“I thought it was weird but assumed he maybe wanted me to pass something on to Stacy.”
“What happened instead was that Tom let me know that a few days prior, Stacy admitted to him that she had an affair with John, which was what led to my breakup.”
“He said that Stacy wanted to come clean to ‘start their marriage fresh’ and that he was forgiving her to move forward.”
“He had gone back and forth between telling me and finally decided to spill the beans.”
“I guess he had expected me to forgive Stacy too because the affair was ‘so long ago.'”
“The opposite pretty much happened, and I just walked out on the wedding.”
“It ended up causing a huge mess because I was basically running the whole show (Stacy made me do everything, so she didn’t even know what was happening at certain times or who to call).”
“Not only that, but everyone realized that the MOH wasn’t there (she had headshots and bios of the party on her wedding page), and news of the affair eventually got out because her cousin knew John.”
“Stacy and Tom have both been slandering me online now, saying that I ruined their once-in-a-lifetime moment.”
“Some of their friends are on their side, saying that I should have handled the situation more privately and at least stuck out the wedding since it was so last minute.”
“I personally don’t know what Tom expected.”
“But either way, I’ve been getting bombarded with texts, and I heard that Stacy has been so upset she’s had to take time off work, which does make me feel like an AH.”
“Especially since I’ve just been ignoring her calls.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Hard NTA on this one.”
“Was walking out of the wedding the day of a nice thing to do?”
“Not particularly.”
“But what on Earth did they expect would happen by telling you?”
“And on the wedding day.”
“They knew they were playing with fire.”
“They chose when to tell you this information.”
“Simply walking out – because whoa, nelly, I bet there were a ton of conflicting emotions – was pretty adult.”
“You didn’t cause a huge scene.”
“You simply extricated yourself from the situation. NTA.” ~ ironchef8000
“I would have pretended to forgive her and then given a hell of a MOH speech, but I’m petty like that.” ~ Kashaya72
“Nope, I’m petty enough to do it before the ceremony starts, so she would be staying with an ugly-cry-face in the church (if they married there).”
“And all the guests would know why. NTA.” ~ Responsible_Judge007
“Oh, what she did was better. Her way the whole day imploded, as it should have. NTA.”
“The whole day was ruined because Stacey is a cheat and Tom is pathetic.”
“Why would you marry a cheat?”
“Once a cheater, always a cheater.”
“And to cheat with your ‘best friend’s B[oy]F[riend]?'”
“And then let her move in. She watches her grieve like they did nothing to cause the pain.”
“And the audacity of the both of them going after OP.”
“They are embarrassed that people now know Stacey is a cheater and Tom is the pathetic loser who has no self-respect.” ~ Mmoct
“Stacey’s the one to blame, but also WTF did Tom think was going to happen?”
“He spent months seeing first-hand the level of soul-destroying despair John’s sudden, inexplicable break-up had caused her.”
“It took him days to process the affair and decide how to move forward, but he gave her a few minutes to recover from the news that her best friend fu**ed her boyfriend and destroyed her life.”
“Then he expected her to smile, work her a** off to make the wedding happen as Stacey wanted, then toast to the wonderful couple?”
“Nobody’s that big an idiot.”
“He knew she wasn’t sticking around for the wedding.”
“The only question was if she was going to have a public fight with the bride-to-be before she left.” ~ GullibleWineBar
“I’m betting he knew exactly what would happen and did this on purpose.”
“My guess is he is not so forgiving, and canceling the wedding last minute would be all too much.”
“So let the cat out of the bag and watch the fun begin.”
“Frankly, if I was getting married and told last minute about cheating, I’d do something similar if I thought of it.”
“Or just make one hell of a speech and get it nullified the day after.”
“Or after the honeymoon, after shagging the crap out of the cheat and leaving her feeling a tiny bit of the betrayal she made me feel.”
“Who in their right mind would have thought it would be swept under the rug?”
“At least now the guy starts the marriage with a huge argument winner.”
“Any time he does anything wrong can just refer to the cheating.”
“But that’ll be a very unhealthy marriage.” ~ SteveJobsPenis
“Worst still, this fake AF friend asked her to be MOH then piled on so much work, knowing all the while she’d devastated her and didn’t care!”
“And what the hell with Tom marrying her?”
“Then him getting cheeky because OP rightfully blew up by walking out?”
“Where the hell is his compassion?”
“And her friends taking her side?”
“OMG, all of them are nutters.”
“You did handle it privately. You left.”
“Why the hell should you suck it up for the nasty two-faced cuckolding piece of work for appearances?”
“I would go nuclear and blast on social media tagging the two-faced ex Bestie.”
“She sounds pretty narcissistic to think all water under the bridge when she didn’t even tell OP.”
“So revolting John couldn’t even come clean either.”
“He deserves a good tongue-lashing.”
“Soooo NTA. I hope you’re okay OP.” ~ sikonat
“Spot on! OP walked away quietly and calmly without making any scene.”
“Stacy and Tom ought to apologize and be ashamed.”
“Stacy for the affair with OP then partner John and both of them for the calculated way in which they told OP.”
“If they didn’t even know what was happening when at their own wedding, that just shows them up.”
“Very hard and strong NTA.” ~ Littlevoice13x
“NTA I agree.”
“Tom chose to tell OP and she has every right to react as she did.”
“If anything, Tom is even more guilty for what’s down, in my opinion, because of his timing.”
“He could’ve waited until after the wedding to tell OP.”
“And I won’t even say what I’m thinking about the ex-best friend, as that would get me banned from this sub.” ~ mysteriousrev
“NTA. Also, while it’s lovely to have a maid of honor, she’s not a hired wedding planner.”
“The couple themselves should have known each and every detail of their own wedding… It’s their day!”
“If she’d fallen ill, gotten hurt, had an accident, or was unavailable etc.”
“It still would have gone sideways, all because the couple didn’t bother to know what was happening on their own day.”
“That’s not OP’s fault.”
“That’s on the couple, and if it was a hotel, they should have had a single contact at the location who coordinates everything for staff and timings to feed questions to.” ~ Sirix_8472
“So wait. Your BEST friend has an affair with your then fiancé.”
“He breaks up with you over it, canceling your happily ever after.”
“She asks you to be her MOH, but everyone is upset with you because you found out she slept with YOUR fiancé and you can’t suck it up for a few hours to make HER day great to start her happily ever after. NTA.” ~ Sashasez
“I had a similar thing happen.”
“A friend (F[emale]) of my then boyfriend, let’s call her B, was the one who warned me about him talking frequently with a girl over the phone and insisted I checked his Facebook account.”
“That’s how I found he was cheating on me.”
“B and her husband were my rock during the following months after our breakup.”
“They would insist I stayed with them at their apartment, invite me to eat out, take me on their trips.”
“But also tried to make me drunk enough to you-know-what.”
“That last thing, and many others (like her later cheating with the husband’s best friend), made me distance myself from them.”
“Fast-forward to like 5 years, I see I have a message request on Facebook.”
“It was the woman with whom my ex had cheated.”
“She had sent me (months ago) a bone-chilling voice message in which she told me that ‘she was not the only one he cheated with,’ and that he and B had been together many times during our relationship.”
“With psycho laughs and all, she said he had just cheated on her with B and that they broke up.”
“I contacted B’s husband and told him everything.”
“Turns out he already suspected they had been together all those years ago, and more recently B had cheated on him (again) with my ex and with a new guy.”
“It was the darkest moment of my life.”
“And I still can’t believe I experienced all that, much less that B was so kind to me when she was also helping my ex cheat on me.”
“It’s even creepier when I remember that when I stayed at hers after the breakup, she dyed her hair like mine and bought the same sweater I used so we looked like ‘sisters.'”
“OP is totally NTA. Good for her.” ~ Anais-95
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You were wronged and betrayed.
You had every right to be angry.
You exited with grace and dignity when you could’ve gone nuclear.
Keep your head held high.
And move forward.
Good luck.