Sharing an apartment with a roommate can be a challenge.
In addition to sharing common living spaces and doing their share of chores and grocery shopping, there’s also the issue of being courteous to each other when sleeping schedules don’t align.
Things also get a little complicated when one roommate begins to bring their significant other over for long stretches of time, as not everyone might feel comfortable being woken up and greeted by someone they barely know.
Such was the case for Redditor sadcloud22, who wasn’t particularly happy that her roommate’s boyfriend was beginning to spend more and more time at their apartment.
Complicating matters was the fact that the original poster (OP) and her roommate’s boyfriend’s work schedules differed considerably, and her roommate’s boyfriend found himself annoyed by the morning habits of the OP.
When he asked the OP if she might change this, the OP couldn’t help but laugh in his face.
Concerned that she might have been inconsiderate, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for laughing when my roommates boyfriend asked my to use less alarms in the morning?”
The OP explained how her roommate’s boyfriend made what she felt was a wholly unreasonable request regarding the start to her day.
“My roommate 22 F[emale] moved in with me (23 F) about 2 months ago.”
“She been great with exception her bf stays the night at our apartment the majority of the week about 5-6 nights.”
“After the first month I spoke with her about how I’m uncomfortable with her bf staying the night all the time, and he can still come over regularly but if the sleeping over could be reduced to 2-3 nights a week I would really appreciate it.”
“She essentially shut me down over it and said that she doesn’t see the issue since the majority of the time he stays in her room so I dropped it.”
“Now onto the new issue, I’m an extremely heavy sleeper and I set multiple alarms in the morning so I can wake up on time.”
“I told my roommate about this early on and she had no problem with it since she too is a heavy sleeper.”
“Apparently her bf is not, a couple days ago he approached me in the morning, he woke up to my alarm and told me to set less alarms because I wake him up hours before he has to be at work.”
“I was still half asleep so I laughed and told him that he has his own apartment to sleep at if it bothers him that much.”
“Also that I’ll only take his request into consideration once he starts paying a third of rent and utilities.”
“He was not happy with that but is now staying more often at his apartment, so I’m not upset at the result.”
“But my roommate is not happy with me because her bf spends less time with her.”
“I was telling my friends about the situation and they told me that I should have been more considerate about my noise level that early and I was rude for how I handled the situation.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for laughing off the request of her roommate’s boyfriend.
Everyone agreed that the OP was exactly right in pointing out how since her roommate’s boyfriend was not a rent-paying resident of the house, he had no say in what the OP could and couldn’t do.
“NTA.”
“If he wants to make rules and requests he needs to pay up.”
“Your’e doing what you need in order to get to work.”
“He and your roommate can stay at his place, although I’m sure there’s some ridiculous reason why they can’t.”- KhajiitNeedSkooma
“NTA.”
“If he actually lived there, of course you’d take his complaints into consideration.”
“But he was crashing there every single night without paying rent or utilities, and you were absolutely right to call him out on it.”- imothro
“You were rude for how you handled the situation?!”
“You didn’t even want him there that often in the first place.”
“Your complaints were dismissed, and you just let it go.”
“Your roommate knew you’d use multiple alarms, and still agreed to move in.”
“Now this guy she won’t send back to his OWN home has the gall to complain to you?”
“Wow.”
“That’s some entitlement there.”
“How in the hell is this rude?”
“Especially with the previous circumstances?”
“Even with the laugh (I’d laugh too at the audacity) you weren’t rude.”
“It’s not rude to have boundaries & not allow them to be trampled over.”
“You have a right to your own home.”- ashleighbuck
“NTA.”
“As you said he gets an opinion when he starts paying rent.”
“Also, what’s stopping your roommate from sleeping over at his apartment if she wants to see him more?”- ANBU_Black_0ps
“NTA.”
‘he doesn’t pay rent.”
“and he has his own apartment.”- Old-Smoke932
“NTA.”
“In addition to what other people are saying about rents, if they find your alarms so difficult and she feels she can’t spend as much time with him, why can’t your roommate stay at his apartment most nights of the week?”- Deltron_Zed
“NTA, if they don’t pay rent, they get no say.”
“I bet not one of your friends who thought you weren’t being considerate would tolerate it either.”
“Easy to be the bleeding heart when it costs them nothing.”- Cannabis-aficionado
“The boyfriend isn’t on the lease, and he shouldn’t be sleeping over nearly every night.”
“Good for you.”
“The next time his majesty starts making demands on how things are run in your apartment, talk to the landlord.”
“She can stay at his place.”
“As for the friends who believe you should have been more considerate, you did just fine.”
“You would be more than justified if you told them to go and pound sand.”
“Definitely NTA.”- GibsonGirl55
“NTA.”
“Damn the audacity!”
“The pettiness in me wants you to really go overboard with the alarms when he’s there.”
“I’m ready to pitch in for a cuckoo clock for you!”- Pepper-90210
“NTA.”
“Now you know how to eliminate him from your apt,.like an unwanted roach, I would encourage you to increase the number of alarms, make them louder and more obnoxious.”
“Your friends are mistaken.”
“Your roommate should’ve been more considerate of your reasonable request to limit her bf’s visits.”
“And since she ignored your request, he should have to split the water, sewer, electricity, cable, and internet, and the rent should be split three ways.”
“It is not fair to you. You didn’t agree to 2 roommates.”
“You should check your lease. There may be a clause about other people not being able to stay unless they are on the lease.”- Gladtobealive2020
“NTA.”
“Time to move out or get a new roommate to replace the two you now have.”- frogmuffins
“NTA.”
“It’s not his apartment. He doesn’t get to tell you how to live in your own apartment.”
“Could you maybe not have laughed his concerns off, sure.”
“But then again, it sounds like he basically demanded that you set less alarms instead of even asking you nicely about it.”- mashuto
“NTA.”
“You have multiple alarms to wake you, and you made sure to find/have a roommate who was OK with this.”
“You’re not setting alarms to annoy him; you’re setting them to wake up in the morning.”
“As he’s not your actual roommate, you didn’t have the opportunity to screen him for his alarm clock expectations–there’s no way for you to have known about that.”
“The fact that he – a guest in your home – felt entitled enough to tell you to use fewer alarms definitely makes him TA here.”
“Requesting very, very nicely would’ve resulted in an N-A-H vote from me.”
“What’s up with him acting like there’s no solution but fewer alarms anyway?”
“I mean, he could’ve tried earplugs or something.”
“BTW, OP unrelated: as a fellow-multi-alarm user myself, I highly recommend both a rising light alarm (comes up gradually) and the sonic boom alarm (which has a bed shaker component) — if you don’t already have them, of course.”
“They’ve helped me cut down on the number of alarms I need in the morning.”- toxicredox
“NTA.”
“He can sleep in the appropriate domain should he object.”- UbiquitousFlounder
“Why doesn’t your roommate go stay at his place some nights?”
“Also, NTA.”- MyBedroomIsSiberia
It seems like common courtesy at its most simple not to tell someone what they can and cannot do in their own house.
Nor should the OP’s friends have chimed in the way they did on a situation that didn’t concern them.
If the OP’s roommate had an issue with the noise level, then she should have spoken up earlier, in which case this whole situation could have been avoided.