Reddit user ThrowRA14467 found himself in a position of pitying his roommate, who was breaking his back to support two people while his partner barely lifted a finger.
After letting a string of choice words loose on the partner, he took to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for perspective.
“AITA for telling my roommate her aspirations of being an influencer are ‘f’king pathetic’?”
Our original poster, or OP, set up the situation.
“I’ve lived with a couple for a little over a year and a half. I’m in my early 20’s, they’re in their early 30’s.”
“The boyfriend works 2 minimum wage jobs, at least 50 hours a week in order to provide for the two of them as the girlfriend is striving to be an ‘influencer’ and doesn’t have a job.”
“She spends most of her time taking pictures to post on Instagram and dming brands trying to get sponsorships.”
“So far no income has come from this.”
Fifty hours a week will take a toll on anybody eventually.
“Last week, the boyfriend had a complete breakdown (while the girlfriend wasn’t home) and tells me he’s exhausted from being extremely overworked.”
“He’s straight-up sobbing saying that even though he’s working back to back shifts, he still isn’t making enough money to support the both of them and (which I didn’t know about till now) her frivolous spending.”
“He even had to ask his parents to help with this month’s rent.”
“I felt really bad for the guy.”
A poorly timed conversation with the roommate’s girlfriend lead to some very uncouth words coming out of OP’s mouth.
“Skip forward to last night and I’m sitting chatting with the girlfriend and the topic of money came up. She started to complain that they weren’t making enough money for her to do the things she wanted.”
“I politely asked her if getting a job and doing the Instagram thing on the side was an option, and she immediately got defensive.”
“She told me that ‘of course that isn’t an option’ and that she shouldn’t have to put her dreams on hold. Confused, I asked her what those dreams are. She said to inspire people.”
“And then I said, which I probably shouldn’t have, ‘To do nothing?’ She got really offended and said that there’s so much that goes into it that I could NEVER understand.”
OP was already annoyed after seeing his roommate break down, but this pushed him to a new level.
“I mean, the girl takes pictures of lattes and her in yoga poses. She doesn’t even edit them, just uses the default filters on the app.”
“I didn’t want to argue about the logistics of ‘influencing’ so I instead brought up my concern for her boyfriend and told her that I think he may be overworking himself, he’s not happy, and he needs her help to support them financially.”
“She says ‘Well, I don’t understand why we both have to be unhappy. At least one of us is pursuing our aspirations.’”
“To that, I said, ‘Well if your aspirations are to do nothing while your partner busts their a** to support you, then your aspirations are f’king pathetic.’”
The girlfriend did not take kindly to this.
“Later that evening I get a text from the boyfriend saying what I said crossed a line and now because of me, she thinks that he believes she does nothing and her ‘dreams’ are pathetic.”
“I feel bad but holy crap, I couldn’t just sit by and bite my tongue. AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors took OP’s side here, no holds barred.
“NTA. Her boyfriend is beyond exhausted, works long hours, and she pretty much spends the bulk, if not all of his money. No wonder he had a mental breakdown.”
“Some things should be noted about influencers though.”
“For one, you have to put in the hard work. You can’t just do minimal and expect to make it. And two, the public perception matters.”
“Finding out that she is living off the back of her boyfriend, working him half to death, making him miserable and spending his money like crazy, isn’t going to go down well with the general public.”
“This poor fella is much better off leaving her, as she is causing him nothing but grief. Besides, with his work ethic he has a higher chance of making it as an influencer than her.”~RedditMerit456
“NTA. She says she wants to inspire people yet she is willing to hurt the people she loves to achieve her dreams. Not someone I would want to aspire to be.”
“Keep your lattes and yoga poses.”~__goldenroses
“NTA. From your description, this couple is in some kind of toxic and potentially volatile co-dependency situation.”
“However, you should tread very lightly, as anything even the slightest bit critical you say to a lazy narcissist will not register in a constructive manner.”
“You might want to apologize for overstepping your bounds if that’s viable.”
“The boyfriend needs to look at the big picture and speak up. He’s being abused. No one should suffer in silence. He might want to pursue counselling.”~[deleted]
“While it probably wasn’t your business to say anything, good for you. I went from irritated to PISSED when she said she doesn’t understand why they both need to be unhappy.”
“Tf? I have a whole rant over influencer culture, won’t get into that now. But this struck a nerve. NTA of course.”~sun_shine4
After all, girlfriend’s actions are causing mental and physical damage to OP’s roommate.
“NTA she has no idea what she is doing. My BFF started a YouTube channel on the side, it’s a niche interest after x years they have enough subs to make about 10k from it.”
“They don’t rely on that income, it’s fluid and changes month to month.”
“99.9% of people who call themselves an influencer or an entrepreneur are self absorbed morons that can’t function in real world jobs because they are a**holes.”
“Whether they are selfish, self absorbed, lazy, millennial-esque, refuse to follow rules, refuse to work ‘menial’ jobs, refuse to put their phone down, not good working with groups or coworkers, can’t be bothered to follow a basic dress code, won’t clean bathrooms, don’t show up to work on time, etc. It all goes under the category of ‘no’ for all jobs.”~HolyCrappolla123
“I really want to say N / T / A – like I don’t think really you said anything out of line, but I think you fumbled it by saying that to the girlfriend.”
“You should have just told the guy to break up with his girlfriend, and made you case to him about why.”
“YTA, you initiated a fight in a relationship where you won’t see the majority of the blowback, or they’ll both gang up on you.”
“It was just a stupid move for everyone involved, imo. The girlfriend is an a**hole too, but you got too far into their business.”~WishingAnaStar
“NTA. Nothing wrong with being an influencer, but at the end of the day, she’s leeching off of him.”
“She’s not putting her half of the effort into their relationship. Why does ANYONE have to be unhappy?”~brownies671
“What I don’t get is why you’re staying with them. He’s overworking himself for a girl who can’t bring in enough followers to be an influencer.”
“If we’re getting technical, half of the influencers had stable income before they gain followers.”
“NTA but, you may want to look for a different place.”~Kitsumekat
And though OP’s actions may have been a bit misguided, his intentions were good.
“NTA, sometime tough love is the best way.”
“I hate Instagram for the influencers, like who actually buys something an influencer recommends, when you know they are being paid to promote it. Stupid stupid stupid.”
“Good on you for standing up for your mate, you probably have made life a bit more difficult for him in the short term, so you could apologise for that.”
“I am sure if you say it was coming from a place of care and worry for him he will appreciate it, once the ‘influencer’ gets over themselves.”
“I hope your roommate breaks up with her and in a year or two you can have a drink, a laugh and a cheers dodging for that bullet.”~raeofsunshine181
“Most influencers that I follow (though I’m sure not every one) had hobbies, jobs or other goals before they became big on social media.”
“Then they made social media their primary or only source of income. You’re definitely NTA and I feel bad for your roommate.”
“It’s a nice though to become a social media influencer and make a boat load of money, but unrealistic when the market is so saturated.”~Lifegoeson3131
“ESH but I use that decision lightly. It’s their relationship, of which you have no standing.”
“Your concern should be that the boyfriend/girlfriend duo are struggling with the rent, which you should prioritise over their personal problems.”
“Do I think the girlfriend is an AH? Yes of course, she’s working her boyfriend to death to be photo ready for sponsorships that will never come.”
“But you’re giving tough love (if you call it love) on the wrong side of the couple. She will probably never learn from this, the boyfriend from what he understands from you calling his girlfriend out, sees you making it harder on him.”
“People need to stop calling out sh*tty behaviour, and start convincing the wounded party that they deserve better than how they’re being treated.”
“Next time you can, apologise to the boyfriend, not her because she doesn’t really deserve it, and let him know that you’re on his side, that you won’t interfere, but that his relationship is not sustainable in the long term.”~TheLastMinded
“NTA. In an unjustifiable way, at least. You were correct. The issues they have in their relationship were caused by her creating them, not you pointing them out.”
“And, I’m no influencer but it is more work than I think she realizes and she just wants the fame to fall in her lap without realizing how low her chances most likely are.”
“Like, what happens if he decides to just be a movie star with no effort and stop paying for her things? He shouldn’t have to be unhappy, right? Dreams come first? It’s ridiculous.”
“I would just be a support to your friend. You can’t control what he chooses to do but make sure he knows he has people in his corner and his time/money/health is important and he shouldn’t waste that on a sh*tty partner.”~betonthebirds
OP has laid his opinion on the table, but now it’s ultimately up to his roommate to make a final decision about the relationship he has found himself stuck in.
Whatever will be will be—but we wholeheartedly hope it’s for the health and happiness of all involved.