When parents see their children grow up and get married, it’s not long before they start to count the days until their children have children of their own, making them grandparents.
Of course, some want-to-be grandparents are much less patient than others.
Generally speaking, as eager as they are to become grandparents, most people understand that their children don’t want to rush into it until they are ready, and have the means to raise their child as needed, or as they see fit.
Others however simply don’t have time to wait, and what’s more, don’t even make an effort to hide their impatience to their children and in-laws.
The in-laws of Redditor Cool_Temperature_316 were very much of the latter variety, continuing to pressure their daughter and the original poster (OP) into starting a family.
This was despite knowing that the OP and his wife were waiting till his wife finished graduate school, and was settled in her chosen career path.
Having finally had enough, the OP told his in-laws that if they were so eager to become grandparents, there was an easy solution for them to make it possible.
A solution they found ridiculous, effectively putting them at odds.
Wondering if he had gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my in-laws that if they want a grandchild they should give my wife her inheritance now?”
The OP explained why his in-laws were less than pleased with his suggestion of how they might get their wish to have grandchildren sooner rather than later:
“Basically my in-laws want their only child, my wife Diana, to start pumping out grandchildren.”
“Diana is 28 and just finishing her PhD.”
“Then she wants to get established in a career before we start a family.”
“My in-laws know how much money I make and they know we could live comfortably off my earnings.”
“That isn’t what Diana wants.”
“She has worked her *ss off to get where she is and she wants to reap the rewards of here hard work.”
“She also says that once she is working then I can cut back on my hours I’m a welder, and relax a little.”
“I have been working since I was 15, so literally half my life.”
“I make a very good living in return for a lot of fairly hard work.”
“I have supported Diana and her education.”
“She will graduate without student loans.”
“We have a house.”
“She has a good car.”
“We have a good life.”
“We want a few more years alone before we start our family.”
“Over Christmas the in-laws just wouldn’t drop it.”
“I finally snapped.”
“I said that if they wanted grandchildren, then they could reimburse us for her education.”
“They could further pay her the salary she would be giving up.”
“When she returned to work, they could pay her the difference between what she could be earning and her entry-level position.”
“They could pay for a nanny so my wife could work.”
“Or they could back off and wait for us to be ready.”
“They said that they couldn’t afford all that. I asked them how they expected us to afford it.”
“I said that if it was really what they wanted, they could just give her the inheritance that would be coming her way now instead of later.”
“They got all offended and said that is not hers until they don’t need it anymore.”
“Diana asked me to drop it.”
“She has tried dozens of times to explain to her parents why we are waiting.”
“They just ignore her.”
“They ignore what we want for our lives.”
“They have been very cold since Christmas.”
“They seem to think I was a rude a**hole for pointing out the costs of what they are asking for.”
“A lot of her family agree with them that I went too far in asking them to pay if they want a grandchild now instead of later.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for asking his in-laws to fork over Dina’s inheritance if they were so eager for a grandchild.
Everyone agreed that Diana’s parents were putting their noses too deep in something that wasn’t remotely their business, shocked that they didn’t seem remotely proud of her accomplishments, and agreeing the OP gave the perfect response.
“Been there, husband was studying for his PhD and we kept getting that question.”
“Eventually, I snapped and pointed out the only person with a permanent job was me, and we would be waiting until he had one too.”
“Pretty sure it didn’t help my relationship with my in-laws but that was their problem.”- HBheadache
“They have to be reminded in VERY STRONG terms that it is literally none of their business.”
“They have absolutely no say whatsoever in when you both choose to procreate.”
“Stop being nice about it.”
“They need to be put in their proper place.”
“If they want a new baby around, their option is to adopt.”
“That’s where they have a say.”
“Otherwise, they need to STFU and back all the way off.”- The_Bad_Agent
“Are they even proud of their daughter’s accomplishments, or she just a walking incubator to them?”-Artistic_Sun1825
“I think this is a brilliant response to grandparents insisting you ‘give’ them grandkids.”- Extra-Ad2751
“If they didn’t want you to say what you thought, they shouldn’t have said what *they* thought.”
“They don’t have to agree with you, but it’s ridiculous for them to feel that free to express themselves and then clutch their pearls when you respond in kind.”- Proof_Option1386
“Was your snap back harsh and a**hole-ish?”
“Was it deserved?”
“Sometimes, we need to be a**holes.”
“They were constantly persistent and pressuring you both, despite your wife repeatedly explaining why you both wanted to wait.”
“They needed to be shut down once and for all.”
“Moving forward, if they try to start up again, keep it short & firm: ‘we aren’t ready/we aren’t discussing this’ and move on.”
“NTA, they want grandkids that badly – they should help pay for them, yet they have the audacity to want when they themselves can’t afford while trying to trample your wife’s work/career plans.”
“Honestly, your in-laws and their flying monkeys need to STFU now & forevermore because when you & her do have children – you & your wife can prevent /block them all from being around said children.”- maywellflower
“You laid out the costs in stark terms, and they were angry about being confronted for their selfishness.”
“I think you did a great job.”- Kitchen_Victory_7964
“It wasn’t like you were really demanding a giant stack of cash.”
“You were trying to drive in a point you’ve had to argue over time and time again.”
“The simple fact is it’s not their decision, and it’s not their business.”
“If I were your wife, I would have told them long ago that they can shut their mouths about it, or we’d stop coming around.”
“I’d let them know that if they continued being pushy, that I wouldn’t be comfortable with their involvement when we were ready.”- StacyB125
“It would have been rude if you were literally asking/expecting them to pony up some cash so you guys could have kids.”
“But you were simply pointing out what they’re demanding she give up in order to fulfill their wish.”- OkeyDokey654
“I don’t understand why you and your wife don’t just tell them that the next time they bring up the grandchild/baby topic, you and your wife will leave and you won’t have contact with them for a month.”
“And if they do it again, rinse and repeat.”
“They wanted to have the conversation.”- Never_Sunmer
“Pestering people to have children is an AH move.”
“You sound so supportive of her wife and ambitions so kudos for that.”
“You were just pointing out the obvious cost of having children to them.”- Cutewitch_
“Sometimes you have to be harsh when you need to get nosy inlaws out of your genitals.”
“The polite discussions haven’t worked.”- C_Majuscula
“My dad gave us all our inheritance in 2020.”
“He cashed us out and three of us bought houses, the other paid her house off.”
“He wanted us to use the money while we needed it, not when we’re done raising our kids.”
“The reality is without his help, he knew we’d never be able to get a house—and we make over $100k lol.”- misguidedsadist1
No one can make Diana’s parents, or anyone for that matter, change their desire to become grandparents.
Even so, until that joyous occasion occurs, it is hard to understand why they can’t seem to be even the slightest bit proud of Diana’s considerable accomplishments.
Then too, sometimes the things you have to wait the longest for prove to be the most rewarding.