We’ve all had those annoying experiences where someone approached us and asked us to do something differently, in order for them to save face.
But we often can see right through the excuses, confided the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor UnsafeSpacePlace was surprised when a man approached her at the bar, not to hit on her but to ask her to leave.
When he claimed that it was because the bar was his “safe space,” the Original Poster (OP) was immediately suspicious of what he really wanted.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for ruining a guy’s favorite spot?”
The OP was not exactly welcomed when she showed up at Trivia Night.
“There’s a small bar in my town I recently started going to. They have trivia night on Friday nights.”
“I started going a few weeks ago, and after my second week there, one of the regulars at trivia told me that trivia was something he had set up with the bar owner and I wasn’t welcome.”
“He doesn’t work for the bar, so I told him he couldn’t really tell me I was unwelcome.”
“He explained that trivia night was a guys’ thing and a safe space for them from the judgment of women.”
“I told him he shouldn’t have it in a public bar then.”
Then the situation escalated.
“Last week, he left ‘in protest’ of me being there, and his team was upset, because they didn’t do as well as usual.”
“I told my boyfriend what happened, and he thinks I’m being mean to the guy and should try to see his point of view.”
“Maybe I’m a little cold-hearted, but I don’t really care about that guy, even though he was there first.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some advised the OP to talk to the owner of the bar about the situation.
“NTA. A public bar is not the place for his boys club, and I’m sure the owner would be pissed at this guy for telling patrons they aren’t welcome to spend their money there.” – TheSeansei
“If I were the bar owner, I’d be furious if some random customer decides to deny entry to women every Friday, which would undoubtedly be a busy day with the end of the work week and all. Like, unless that guy is willing to reimburse me for all the sales, I would have lost by only allowing men into the bar.”
“He can take his little ‘No Girls Allowed’ tree fort somewhere else.” – CrimsonPromise
“The owner should be furious that this guy is implying he has the authority to make a decision for the bar that would violate the civil rights act.” – Consistent_Act_4828
“Not to mention, it is a FRIDAY night. I doubt the bar owner would be happy this dude is trying to chase off half the clientele. NTA.” – megnog21
“If he was trying to make a guys-only thing, it’s odd to do it in a public space, but the least he could do would be to pick an odd day of the week like Tuesday nights or something to get a smaller, more targeted audience.”
“Still not a good plan but considering Friday and Saturday nights are always going to be more popular, and wouldn’t you know it but about 50% of people aren’t men. If you weren’t the first woman to upset his plans, someone else would have been.” – Shimraa
“Does the bar owner want to sell a lot of beer to women? How does the bar owner feel about being known as the bar that provides a safe space from the judgment of women?”
“Does he know this guy is planning to make the bar a dudes-only space?”
“Do other dudes know there will be zero chances of meeting women there?”
“I have questions about the business model Trivia Guy is proposing.” – Zealousideal_Bag2493
“If I owned a bar and found out that one of my patrons had taken it upon himself to ban women from entering or taking part in bar-sponsored events, that guy would be the one not allowed in anymore, not the women.” – WaldoJeffers65
“I dunno, maybe the owner agrees? OP should call and talk to the owner, explain that this guy has been telling women they aren’t welcome at the bar on Fridays, and ask if that is in fact the case.”
“I suspect he will want to talk to his gender-obsessed customer and clarify some things.”
“(Of course, if the owner confirms that this is indeed the policy, she should probably apologize and, to make up for her rude faux pas, she should help spread the word that this is a men-only bar; post on FB, Yelp, etc. Make sure every female in town understands that giving the bar their woman-money would be hurtful and wrong.)” – preposterous_punk
Others thought the guy was simply envious of the OP’s trivia skills.
“INFO: how badly did you beat him at trivia?” – bqwcde
“He’s only mad because, from reading between the lines, OP is smarter than him, so he is butthurt.” – gottagetanotherbetta
“I bet she answered a few too many questions and gave him a fair bit of healthy competition which is a no-no to this guy. Lol (laughing out loud).” – Professional_End5908
“Honestly, this just sounds like OP is good at trivia, and the guy doesn’t like losing to a woman, lol (laughing out loud).” – Therefrigerator
“That’s likely exactly what provoked him to tell op to leave. Some woman was proving to be smarter than him and he simply couldn’t have that. What a doorknob.” – Novel_Fox
“The sheer audacity to have both boobs AND a brain? They must be stopped!”
“NTA, OP. That guy is weird.” – Mathlete86
“Yeah, let this dude have his little mantrum. I can see why he feels the need to have a space ‘without female judgment’ when just having a lady around causes him to behave this badly.”
“I am definitely picturing him storming out of the bar like a dramatic Southern Belle.”
“It’s even funnier because his friends only cared when they lost.”
“You’re NTA, but he definitely is for even asking you not to participate because of your gender and then for his over-the-top public performance. It’s not like this is a group therapy session for men. It’s trivia. It’s literally just… Trivia night.” – VincentVanGTFO
Some were also left questioning the OP’s partner as boyfriend material.
“I’m sorry, but I really do not like the OP’s boyfriend right now. Wanting equal access to public spaces is MEAN, y’all.” – Eh_gender
“I think you should have a conversation with your boyfriend, because that is not okay. And if he doesn’t get that, do you really want to be with him?” – Used_Grocery_9048
“NTA. He‘s an AH, and so is your boyfriend. They‘re both sexist.” – realstareyes
“The boyfriend does have a point, though (sarcastically). Clearly, the guy doesn’t have anywhere else to be inappropriate and say things too vulgar for a woman’s fragile, virgin ears.”
“On a serious note, people who try to claim public space as theirs like he did have serious issues they need to deal with.”
“NTA, OP.” – PhiberOptix
“I have no problem with you being ‘mean’ to a sexist a** who is afraid of the judgment of women at a trivia night. NTA.” – wklink
“OP is NTA, but the guy at the bar is not the only a**hole in this situation. I’d be questioning what her boyfriend thinks the other guy’s point-of-view is and why she owes anything to him, let alone to try to see his side.” – lizzo13
“I’m more worried about OP and the boyfriend. That she’ll continue to lie with someone so misogynistic and a guy who isn’t even on her team when some a**hole is attacking her.”
“I’m going to be the person on this thread that advocates for a breakup.”
“This would be a dealbreaker for me a) not standing with me against a misogynistic a**hole and b) for being a misogynistic a**hole himself.” – Academic_Snow_7680
“I’m pretty disappointed that her boyfriend wasn’t immediately like, ‘That’s bulls**t, anyone should be welcome.'”
“I do feel bad for the giant baby that left ‘in protest.’ He’s obviously got s**t to work through.” – that_girl_you_flipped
“It would genuinely make me rethink my relationship if my partner took this guy’s side.” – lonibell1289
“NTA. It sounds like he needs ‘the judgment of women.’ And men. And anyone who has two spare brain cells to rub together.”
“If he wants a private trivia night, he needs to pay to rent a space or have it in his mom’s basement.”
“Also, you might want to re-evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend. I’m not sure exactly what he means by you needing to see this other guy’s point of view, but it sounds like he expects you to be a doormat.”
“Is he going to expect you to ‘see his point of view’ and always give up things you enjoy in favor of him? I’m not telling you to break up, but it might be something to think about.” – AgileDimension1594
“You should be more concerned that your boyfriend is supporting a random stranger being misogynistic towards you.”
“You said, ‘I told my boyfriend, and he thinks I’m being mean to the guy and should try to see his point of view.'”
“Tell him you think he’s being mean to you, and he should try to see your point of view. Ask him how he feels now. If he doesn’t get it, you need to take a view on that…” – adreddit298
The subReddit was thoroughly frustrated on the OP’s behalf for being asked to leave a space she should have access to and for not being supported back home.
It definitely sounded like the guy who approached her was more worried about his trivia score and was using a hot-button term like “safe space” to cover it up.