Thanksgiving is a day to stop and take a moment for everything in your life you are grateful for, ideally spent with your closest friends and family.
Of course, it’s also a day to eat without inhibitions, having no shame in a second helping of mashed potatoes and turkey, or an extra large slice of pie.
Of course, whether or not you will be craving second and third helpings might depend on the person doing the cooking.
Redditor SaltRefrigerator9775 had become the annual host for his family’s sizable Thanksgiving party.
While the original poster (OP) did prepare some of the most important menu items of the day, to save him some of the trouble he decided to make it potluck style.
As a result, when the OP’s younger brother, who always showed up empty handed, made a specific request as to how the OP prepared one of his dishes, he had no trouble telling him this was a request he was not going to oblige.
Wondering if he was being inhospitable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to make vegan mashed potatoes?”
The OP explained why he was unwilling to cater to his brother’s demand regarding a certain dish:
“So I normally host thanksgiving but we do it pot luck style.”
“I do the turkey and homemade mashed potatoes for about 40 people.”
“It’s a lot.”
“I normally wouldn’t mind but my brother since being out of the nest shows up empty handed to every damn holiday.”
“He doesn’t even buy gifts for Christmas or anything because he’s broke.”
“That’s fine but it seems rude to me when everyone brings something even if it’s a bottle of soda or wine.”
“He invited his girlfriend and basically demanded I make part of the mashed potatoes vegan.”
“Normally I wouldn’t care but my brother doesn’t do s***.”
“So I told him if he wants a special dish for his girlfriend he can make it.”
“Our older single brother literally does an amazing ham and brussle sprouts dish so it’s not like my younger brother was taught men can’t cook.”
“So I think he can manage vegan mashed potatoes for one.”
“My brother called me a b**** and is threatening not to come to Thanksgiving now over this and my mom feels like I should do a compromise.”
“I said ok and my brother can host it at his apartment with his 4 roommates because he wants to act entitled over mashed potatoes.”
“My mom backtracked when she realized I will not be disrespected and host a meal that I have done for the last five years but my brother still refuses to come.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to make vegan mashed potatoes for his brother’s girlfriend.
Everyone agreed that not only should the OP’s brother’s girlfriend bring a dish that adheres to her dietary requirements rather than show up empty handed, but also that Thanksgiving dinner will probably be much more enjoyable without the OP’s brother present.
“NTA.”
“Sounds like a real win win solution to me.”- mike_hawks
“Compromise by asking your mom to do the vegan mashed potatoes.”
“NTA.”- pomegranate7777
“NTA.”
“Normally I’d point out how easy it is just to separate some potatoes before you add the dairy stuff, but given the way your brother is acting, sounds like the meal would be much more pleasant without him.”- NorthernLitUp
“One would think.”
“It’s just mashed potatoes without milk or butter.”
“Literally just boil potatoes, mash em, and add salt and pepper.”
“Maybe boil the potatoes with some herbs and garlic/onion if you’re feeling fancy but it’s not that complicated for one person to make.”
“NTA.”
“Your brother should be ashamed for insulting you over a girl.”
“Having said all of that I think I’m going to make potatoes tonight.”- BastardBroth
“Don’t threaten me with less work.”
“Mashed potatoes for 40 guests is a lot of mashed potatoes.”
“He & gf could have offered to bring roasted sweet potato mash.”
“But he decided to be a d*ck.”
“NTA.”
“Would add garlic & grated parm to the mashed potatoes this year.”- 2FatC
“Him not coming is a W[in].”- Undasta_mufasa
“NTA.”
“But it seems like this issue has solved itself.”
“Your brother is a selfish, entitled AH.”
“Seems like all he brings to the table is attitude.”
“Let him stay away.”
“The rest of the family will gave a better day.”- AdOne8433
“NTA.”
“He doesn’t bring anything, except now he wants to bring another mouth to feed, AND put specific requests.”
“It would be one thing if he was contributing to the dinner and he made the request.”
“As you said, you probably wouldn’t have minded if that were the case.”
“However, his entitelement is not your responsibility.”- StellarPhenom420
“NTA.”
“You don’t owe it to anyone to cook a special portion for a single guest when you have a guest list of 40 people.”
“If your brother really cares so much he can stop acting like an entitled child and cook some mash.”-SailorCentauri
“You doing what your brother wants is not how compromise works.”
“NTA.”- No-Yogurtcloset-8785
“Generally I’d say it’s on the host to accommodate their guests in stuff like this, but considering the numbers, the potluck, his attitude, his history, and HOW F8CKING EASY IT IS TO MAKE MASHED POTATOES, NTA.”
“Though I do wonder how substitutes for milk and butter would work out.”
“F*ck, now I want mashed potatoes.”- BetweenWeebandOtaku
“Never mind the mashed potatoes with or without butter.”
“Why is the default setting for any woman who does not do what a man wants is being called B.*.T.C.H.”
“I really had enough of that word being thrown around for just about anything when you say NO!”
“Rant over!”- MangoTeaDrinker
“NTA.”
“Him not coming sounds like a good thing.”
“Gotta wonder if he told his gf he was asked to bring a dish like everyone else does, or if he just told her you won’t make anything vegan for her.”- Limerase
“NTA.”
“Oh no, you will miss out on your brothers entitlement, what an awful shame!”- International-Fee255
“NTA good.”
“He shouldn’t come after calling you that.”
“You should in fact tell him that it doesn’t matter if he wants to come because he’s not invited anymore.”
“Then I’d go nc and never invite him again.”- Asleep-Tank3228
“NTA.”
“Sounds like the trash took himself out lol.”- mslisath
“NTA.”
“Definitely don’t make the mashed potatoes, esp if he doesn’t contribute.”
“His gf can bring mashed potatoes she can eat.”
“You certainly didn’t do anything for him to call you a b*tch.”
“Geez.”- lady_rain_was_here
“Based on the title I was leaning towards YTA because vegan butter is cheap and delicious and it would have been a super easy swap…but after hearing about your entitled brother, I say NTA.”
“He can try being an adult and contributing if he wants to accommodate her.”- bokatan778
“NTA.”
“You’re brother sounds entitled.”
“I’m vegetarian with a severe dairy allergy so eat a lot of vegan things anyway and mashed potatoes are literally super easy to make vegan, but you shouldn’t be obligated to cater to your brother’s rudeness.”- Stressed_Beach
“The best revenge would be to reach out in a super polite and kind way to his girlfriend.”
“She is probably going to be horrified about the drama.”- DaisySam3130
“I’m sorry, he called you a what?”
“That’s extremely disrespectful.”
“You don’t need to make accommodations for one person especially when there’s 40 people you’re serving in total.”
“Tell him not to come.”
“One less dish that needs to be washed.”
“He’s ridiculous.”
“Who the hell wants to eat vegan mashed potatoes on thanksgiving anyway?”
“NTA.”- Loose_Wall_2881
“NTA.”
“In my house, you don’t get special request permissions for a big dinner unless you are also willing to contribute something.”- sophia-sews
“NTA.”
“But maybe make it more clear to your brother that you have no problem with his GF, the fact that she is vegan, or her need/desire to have some vegan dishes at Thanksgiving.”
“This is all about him growing up and contributing to the family event!”
“I feel like the fact that the dispute finally erupted over the vegan dish is allowing him to reframe it as an anti-vegan issue, when it’s not.”- JeepersCreepers74
“NTA.”
“In this situation I think your brother is entitled.”
“Him and his girlfriend can bring a few side dishes, totally normal thing to do.”
“OR ask that you leave some the potatoes put aside plain, so she can dress them as she likes.”
“This comes up every holiday.”
“Vegan or vegetable requests…seem to create fights.”- gnatdump6
If there’s ever a time not to show up at a party or gathering empty handed, it’s a potluck.
Nor is a potluck the time or place to make sure other people cater to your specific dietary needs.
One can only hope the OP’s brother will stop and consider which is more important: no vegan mashed potatoes, or spending Thanksgiving without your nearest and dearest.