It’s never attractive to gloat,
There is nothing necessarily wrong with being happy with your life, including your job, your friends or just your overall situation.
Nor is there necessarily anything wrong with trying to impress other people.
But when you spend an endless amount of time talking to other people about yourself, it will likely begin to wear thin fairly quickly.
Then too, it deprives you of the opportunity to learn more about other people.
Redditor Fuzzy-Pen-1457 was recently introduced to a friend of a friend, who wasted no time in going on and on about how happy he was in his professional life, clearly in hopes of impressing the original poster (OP).
However, this man spent so much time talking about himself, that he neglected to learn that he and the OP had more in common than he realized.
Leaving him embarrassed and more than a little angry about the gestures he made to the OP.
Worried that she should have spoken up sooner, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not telling a guy what I do for work and letting him pay for my drinks during the whole evening?”
The OP explained how she left a recent blind date of sorts angry and embarrassed by not sharing a piece of information, though she never really had the opportunity to do so.
“My friend ‘Grace’ invited me to a board game bar to play and have drinks with her, her boyfriend and one of their friend’s ‘Nick’.”
“We went to get drinks in pairs, Grace going with her boyfriend, meanwhile Nick and I stayed at the table and vice versa.”
“So Nick and I had plenty of time to talk just the two of us.”
“Nick started the night by telling about his recent career change, he decided to quit his previous job, go to a coding bootcamp and he got a job as a developer one or two months ago.”
“He was very proud of himself and his new salary and told me this multiple times.”
“He never asked me what I do for work, but talked about his new job quite a lot, occasionally saying ‘sorry, you don’t understand that, haha’.”
“During the entire evening, I never told him I had been working as a software engineer for the past 4 years, because he never asked and honestly, I found it a bit entertaining.”
“When it came to the drinks, he invited me to every single one.”
“‘Don’t worry about it, it’s not a problem with my developer salary’.”
“I told him multiple times he doesn’t have to pay for me, but he insisted.”
“At the end of the night, when we were saying our goodbyes, he took out his phone to send me a friend request on Facebook.”
“My job is listed in my profile, so that was when he realized that I’m software engineer.”
He asked me if it’s true that I’m a software engineer and I answered yes. He asked me why I haven’t told him, why did I let him believe I was a cashier like Grace used to be (?? I never implied that), and why did I let him pay for everything when I probably earn more than him.
“I told him that he never once asked and it was his fault he assumed.”
“He could have simply asked me about my job, but he only wanted to brag about his.”
“But if he wants me to, I can pay him back for the drinks.”
“He was angry and said I made a fool out of him.”
“I think he did that, not me.”
“But now Grace and her boyfriend are on his side too, saying that it would’ve cost me nothing to tell him early in the evening and I only kept it for myself for my own entertainment.”
“Well, I did find it entertaining, but I don’t really feel like I did anything wrong.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for letting Nick pay for her drinks, and not speaking up in regards to her profession.
Everyone agreed that Nick gave the opportunity no time for her to share anything, and had he given her even one opportunity to speak, he might not have embarrassed himself the way he did.
“He wanted to flaunt his career and money, but it backfired because he never bothered to ask about you.”- ElvisCresposblanket
“He wanted to brag and he was a bit sexist, he deserved this lesson.”- FedeRreal
“You didn’t ask him to pay for your drinks, and you did tell him he didn’t have to.”
“He was sexist in assuming that you didn’t have a job that would leave you comfortable, especially comfortable enough to buy your own drinks!”
“He was bragging and showing off, only to learn he was making a fool of himself.”- Aradene
“Not only are you NTA, you’re an absolute f*cking LEGEND.”- TaxiJab
“NTA NTA NTA NTA!”
“As a female software engineer myself, I love this so much.”
“Would love to do this to all of the men who are always surprised that I’m a software engineer.”-Wild_Exit_5925
“I love it when the trash takes itself out.”
“I bet he expected sex from you after paying for the drinks.”- zoeyjax
“I have a few narcissistic relatives like him.”
“They will never ask about anyone else.”
“They may politely wait through you volunteering information, but they won’t ask.”
“Because they don’t care.”
“Last month I called my cousin to tell him that my mom had passed, his ‘favorite aunt’, according to him.”
“He asked zero questions about her passing.”
“Instead, he spent the entire call ranting about the government screwing him over and withholding his Covid check for no reason.”
“Some people are so narcissistic, they don’t even know they are supposed to, at least, feign interest in others.”
“They can’t even fake it.”
“Don’t worry about your friends.”
“They should count themselves lucky you were amused by his total lack of interest instead of being angry/pissed off by his narcissistic, misogynistic BS.”- R3dl8dy
“In his mind, he’s on a pedestal higher than every one he knows and got pissed once he found out you’re on a higher one.”
“He insisted on buying you the drinks and you even offered to pay him back after the fact.”
“You’re not obligated to tell him anything and you weren’t keeping him a secret.”
“He would’ve found out your job had he hopped off his ego trip for a second, show some interest in you and let you speak.”- gover2087
“He assumed things and made a fool of himself.”- tatasz
“NTA had you mentioned your job after his bragging he likely would have had an issue with that too since you were stealing his thunder.”
“No win situation and definitely not someone you want to be in a relationship with.”
“Insecurity at its finest!”- randomalas
“Kinda hard to tell someone about your career when they never shut up.”
“And acting like you don’t understand?”
“So what if you were a cashier?”
“Does he think people only code for jobs?”- Anxious_Big_9564
“So you expect men to be mind readers and just know that you work in the field they are bragging about just recently getting into and have enough money to pay for your own drinks so they don’t need to.”
“If he cared slightly he would have asked.”
“I’ve asked people what they do for work while I rode the chair lift at a ski resort.”
“He was embarrassed he was making a fool of himself the whole night and wanted to take it out on you.”- canigetahiyyyaaaahh
“NTA, don’t listen to his flying monkeys.”
“Nick made a fool of himself.”
“Sounds like he is ashamed he embarrassed the hell out of himself and now he’s raging at you.”
“None of this is your problem!”
“Continue laughing at him forever.”
“I certainly will be!”- CapriciousPenguin
“So, he never ONCE asked what you did and just assumed you knew nothing about computing and then you’re supposedly the a**hole because he didn’t know?”
“Mate, he didn’t know because he chose to remain an ignoramus.”
“It’s not like you didn’t offer to pay for drinks, or were evasive with your responses.”
“He literally never bothered to ask you a simple question.”
“The drinks were just a**hole tax.”
“And tell your ‘mates’ to get a grip too.”- CynicalRecidivist
When trying to impress someone, people often become self conscious, and tend to build themselves up as best as possible.
Unfortunately, when the only subject people talk about is themselves, it often has the reverse effect of what they were hoping, as seemed to sadly be the case with Nick.
Here’s hoping next time he tries to impress a woman, he at least attempts to learn as much about them as he tells them about him.