These days people are becoming more and more comfortable bringing their pets everywhere they go.
Even though most businesses and shops have a strict no-pet rule.
Of course, this doesn't apply to service animals, as they have a job to do in monitoring the health and safety of their owners.
Which doesn't always mean they will be greeted everywhere they go with open arms.
The sister of Redditor Free_Standard_7276 assumed it would be fine to bring her service dog to the original poster (OP)'s wedding.
Much to her surprise, the OP told her that wasn't possible, owing to his soon-to-be wife's allergies.
A decision the OP's sister didn't appreciate in the least.
Wondering if he was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for telling my sister that she absolutely can not bring her service dog to our wedding due to my wife's allergy?"
The OP explained why his sister's service dog wasn't welcome at his upcoming wedding.
"I (32 M[ale]) am getting married to my long-term girlfriend Gemma (30 F[emale]) at the end of November."
"Now me and Gemma are having a small wedding with only close family and friends invited mainly because we don't want it to be an inconvenience to others and choosing a venue is really hard due to Gemma's allergy."
"Gemma is allergic to dogs and is terrified of them due to a freak accident when she was younger (that's also when she found out she is allergic to them)."
"While her allergy is not deadly, even when taking anti allergies her face would get significantly swollen, have red marks all over it that are visible even with heavy makeup, and she would constantly sneeze."
"Lockdown was a blessing in a way that she could wear a face mask that was helping with allergies. She is still trying to wear face masks to help her, but can't always do it inside as people immediately think she is ill and don't really want to have us in their restaurants/cafes."
"And to the issue."
"My sister 'Kate" has diabetes and has a service dog 'Lenny' to help her."
"I absolutely adore him, and Gemma is not scared of him either; however, due to Emma's allergies, I have reminded Kate not to take Lenny to our wedding (I was dropping some parcels for her this week as she was away and they were sent to my house) as I believe my future wife should be able to enjoy her day without the swelling, which would be hard to avoid due to the venue being quite small and private."
"Gemma gets the reaction even if there's a dog in the same supermarket, even if it doesn't touch her."
"My sister has reminded me he is a service animal, and I can't ask her not to take him, but I have told her he is still a dog and being a service animal doesn't miraculously cancel my wife's allergies, and she knew about them from the start."
"I'm not asking not to take him to any family get-togethers, I am just asking not to take him to our wedding."
"My sister and my mum both called me an a**hole and are not talking to me and have threatened not to come to the wedding, which I said is fine as I value my wife's comfort more."
"But still AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to allow his sister to bring her service dog to his wedding.
Everyone agreed that OP was absolutely correct in believing that Gemma deserved an allergy-free wedding and that his sister had other ways of monitoring her diabetes and blood sugar while Gemma had no control over her allergies.
"NTA."
"There are ways for your sis to check her blood sugar without her service dog like before she got him."
"But there is no way for your wife to be allergy-free when the dog is there."
"So the sis has a medical alternative, your future wife not."
"And overall, she can decide just to stay home."
"It is the bride's wedding, and she has a right to have a day without coughing and swellings and to have nice memories to look back to."
"Sis is just a guest."
"I never understand how they pull others in it."- EvilFinch
"NTA."
"I feel for your sister, but your future wife has a right to have a wedding and photos without having an 'allergic hive face'!"
"For this one-time allergies trump service dog."- Comfortable-Sea-2454
"NTA."
"From what you've said, your wife doesn't complain at family functions."
"Which is nice of her, but her wedding is a day where she shouldn't have to worry about the dog, and her face will be immortalized in pictures forever, so of course she wants to look her best."
"It's understandable that the dog is useful to your diabetic sister, but as you've said, it has no impact on your wife's allergy."
"She might have to sit this one out if she can't function without the dog."
"Your mom would be the AH if she persists and doesn't go to your wedding tho."
"Good job supporting your wife."- Dangerous-Emu-7924
"Cool."
"Kate can't come to the wedding and also can't come to your house."
"These two have conflicting needs, which means having to decide who takes priority in a situation."
"In Gemma's wedding, Gemma's home, Gemma's events in general, that will be Gemma."
"At Kate's home and Kate's events, that will be Kate."
"So when it's Kate's event, Kate's home, Gemma can take medication and wear a mask or not attend."
"When it's Gemma's event, Gemma's home, Kate can leave her dog home and monitor her diabetes in other ways or not attend."
"And your mom needs to mind her business."
"NTA."- dryadduinath
"So - your wife is supposed to get swollen and gets hives and sneeze and generally be miserable on her own wedding day?"
"A wedding like this one doesn't take place without a bride."
"Guess who is not strictly essential to this wedding - your sister."
"If they are OK with the bride being miserable, then these people are not interested in celebrating you as a couple."
"They can stay home. And please, send them this post so that they can see from the comment just how awful they are being."
"Also, given that it is only for a few hours, and depending on the severity of her condition, is it possible to work out a solution?"
"Like she constantly checks her blood sugar during the ceremony and then goes home after that?"
"Or has a designated person with her to check on her and administer insulin or food when she needs it?"
"I know that it is not the same as having a dog that can anticipate the changes in sugar levels, but it is worth thinking if there are alternatives."
"NTA."- TA_totellornottotell
"So whats your sisters solution?"
"Having your future wife suffer at her own wedding?"
"Is this some kind of dominance play?"
"It's true you can't ask someone not to bring a service dog."
"But you can uninvite your sister."
"You have to stick up to your wife, and it's good you are doing so."
"I'll predict the future now and say that you'll have to do that more often later on because your sister and your mother will blame your wife for choosing her 'stupid health' over your sister's dog."
"NTA."
"Prepare for more fights in the future."
"I mean, you can't ask someone not to bring a service dog as in 'she can bring it to public places by law.'"
"Asking, of course, is always possible."- GemueseBeerchen
"From a service dog haver, NTA."
"Especially a diabetic alert dog."
"Tell her to test her blood."- Mission_Anybody2505
"I was about to vote NAH until I saw how your mom and your sister reacted to your reasonable request."
"Threatening to boycott your wedding because her service allergen can't come is manipulative and sh*tty."
"I'm sorry you're experiencing that from your own family, OP."
"NTA is my verdict, and congrats on your wedding!"- shiny-baby-cheetah
"NTA."
"This is your future wife's and your day."
"Your girlfriend should absolutely be able to enjoy her wedding without her allergies acting up."
"As you said, your sister's dog being a service animal doesn't cancel out the allergies."-DogsReadingBooks
It's understandable for Kate to expect it to be all right to bring her service dog to the wedding.
Even so, it also seems fair for Gemma to enjoy her wedding without the presence of something that will make her face swell up or cause her fear or anxiety.
It seems that Kate has to leave the room every now and again to check her blood pressure and blood sugar levels, which would be a very small price to pay to allow Gemma to enjoy her wedding.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.