Living with someone else can be a tricky affair.
There can be concerns about sharing spaces, cleanliness, even worries about meals.
The meals became a particular problem for Redditor and Original Poster (OP) aitaajdidiwka which brought her to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to ask for guidance.
She asked:
“AITA for suggesting me and bf cook separate meals?”
She began with the background.
“Me (25 Female) and boyfriend (26 Male) moved together a few months ago.”
“I’m not American (maybe I need to say this) and he is.”
“Also sorry English is not my first language.”
“Firstly we agreed that I would cook because he hates cooking, and he would do other chores.”
“That was fine by me because I like cooking.”
OP then explained the problem.
“The problem is that he is an extremely picky eater, so this has been problematic.”
“I really like spices, not just pepper, I come from a country where we cook with a lot of spices.”
“He likes the food as bland as can be.”
“I tried to not use too many different spices and make it more bland but in a way I would also enjoy but he hates everything I make.”
“An example, if I cook rice, I usually use garlic, sometimes onion, sometimes add vegetables in it.”
“He wants the rice just cooked in water without anything.”
“If I cook some kind of meat, I use spices, but he wants to have only salt.”
“It would take too long for me to make two different meals every night (we only eat together at dinner).”
She suggested a compromise.
“So I said that we should make our own food.”
“The kitchen is big enough for the both of us to work at the same time if needed, and we could seat together to eat anyway.”
“But that made him completely angry because he hates cooking and if I’m already cooking I should make for both of us, and I should make everything to his taste and just ‘add some sauce in my plate’.”
“(He also hates the smell of my food so he doesn’t want me cooking what I like when he’s home).”
“Now cooking that I loved has become a nightmare.”
“I don’t know if I should just accommodate to his tastes and eat what I want at lunch or when I’m alone.”
“He says that we are a partnership now so everything should be done thinking about both of us, and what I’m asking is going to make us more distant.”
OP was left unsure of what the right course of action was.Â
“It’s my first time living with a SO, so I don’t know if this is normal and he’s right and I’m being petty.”
“He’s sulking now and refuses to discuss this with me if I don’t apologize for being selfish.”
Having explained the situation, she sought the guidance of Reddit.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some pointed out the boyfriend’s flawed logic.Â
NTA – ‘We’re a team, so we do what I want’ is the gist of his argument. You’ve offered a compromise, he’s offered none. “Sauce” is not a compromise.
“Maybe make him frozen food and make what you want for yourself.”
“He can wear noseplugs if the smell bothers him.”~CatPhDs
And,
” ‘everything should be done thinking about both of us, and what I’m asking is going to make us more distant’ “
“I love how he says this but is not willing to do it himself.”
“My automatic response was ‘Meal prep! Make your meals in advance then just heat up!’ “
“But honestly, why?”
“Why would you have to accommodate him when he is the one with the problem?”
“Can’t cook? Learn!”
“Doesn’t like cooking? That’s life!”
“You are not his mommy you are the girl that is nice enough to give him orgasms!”
“Those should always be two VERY different individuals.”
“Honestly, I have dumped people cause they liked the Jacob/Renesmee storyline so don’t listen to me if you don’t want to but never let anyone manipulate you into changing yourself to fit their image.”
“Also, what kind of boring bland family did he come from!”
“Who just cooks rice with water when they are not following a diet?”
“(I know Asian cuisine does it but they add meat or chicken that IS seasoned to the rice most of the time)” ~ CinderRebel
Others pointed out how immature the boyfriend is being.Â
“There are some things that are normal to change when you live with an SO.”
“My fiancé hates Alfredo sauce, so even tho I love it I only cook it when alone or order it when we go out.”
“I hate mushrooms so even tho my fiancé loves them he doesn’t cook with them.”
“But the fact that he completely wants you to change your entire flavor palette, refuses to offer any kind of compromise and then sulks like a child is ridiculous.”
“Just start cooking whatever you want and he can either eat it or cook for himself.”
“He wants to act like a child he can get treated like one.”~ladancer22
Responses were very detailed.
” ‘He also hates the smell of my food so he doesn’t want me cooking what I like when he’s home.’ “= “Selfish. On his part.”
” ‘…everything should be done thinking about both of us, and what I’m asking is going to make us more distant.’ ” =
“Selfish. On his part.”
“NTA – this guy is not a good match if you can’t even cook what you want at home, if your fundamental tastes are so diametrically opposed.”
” ‘He’s sulking now and refuses to discuss this with me if I don’t apologize for being selfish.’ “
“Major red flag here!”
“Adults discuss disputes and resolve amicably.”
“They don’t sulk and accuse you of being selfish when they are the ones being selfish (projection).”
“They don’t sulk until you ‘apologize for being selfish.’
“W the actual F?”
“None of this normal!”
“He gets angry because he insists you do all the cooking and hates what you cook?!”
“What are you to him, nothing more than a bang-maid?! Ugh.”~SrslyPissedOff
While others were very direct.Â
“Do you really want to be his replacement mom?”~generic_b*tch
Living with someone else can be a tricky affair.
Sharing spaces is hard, but the whole point is the sharing.
We give a little who we are, and we take a little of who they are. We find out new things about ourselves in the exploration.
Always beware those who are unwilling to give in shared spaces, it usually doesn’t end well.