There are some people who simply need to be the center of attention and will go to great lengths to ensure they always are.
As a result, these people have become experts at veering conversations back to them, and subtly, or not-so-subtly, making their presence known whenever they enter a room.
There are others who don’t necessarily crave attention but somehow manage always to become the center of attention.
Even so, the lack of intent doesn’t make the person whose thunder they stole feel any better about it.
The cousin of Redditor AITARR3‘s wife recently got engaged.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP) was less than thrilled by this news, mainly owing to the fact that her fiancé chose an important day in the OP’s life for the day of his proposal.
The OP felt there was only one appropriate course of action for this, one that subsequently put a strain on his friendship.
Wondering if he went too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for kicking a couple out of our wedding for getting engaged during the bouquet toss, which resulted in that being the center of conversation for the rest of the night?”
The OP explained why he felt anything but celebratory regarding the engagement of his wife’s cousin.
“My wife and I (26 F[emale & 32 M[ale]) got married two weeks ago.”
“At our reception, her cousin ‘Rachel’ (24 F) caught the bouquet.”
“Apparently her boyfriend ‘Ross’ (25 M) had been carrying a ring around, waiting for the right time to propose, and decided her catching the bouquet was a sign.”
“So, immediately after Rachel caught the bouquet, Ross ran out to the dance floor and got down on one knee to propose to her.”
“She said yes, and so obviously, this shifted all of the attention onto Ross and Rachel.”
“Everyone surrounded them to congratulate them, and then Rachel asked the DJ to play ‘their song’ for them to dance, which derailed the next few things we had planned.”
“I already wasn’t happy about this because we only had the photographer available for a certain number of hours and I was worried about going off the schedule.”
“But what really upset me was that I could see that my wife’s feelings were obviously very hurt that Ross and Rachel were stealing our thunder.”
“My wife is really not the type of person to want a lot of attention or to be comfortable spending a lot of money on herself, so our wedding was the one special day when she was able to do so without feeling guilty about it, and seeing it get ruined for her was awful.”
“I decided to ask Ross and Rachel to leave, and at the time, my wife agreed with me.”
“So, when I next had the chance, I pulled Ross aside to tell him that I didn’t appreciate him upstaging us and that I thought it would be best if he and Rachel left early so we could enjoy the rest of the night.”
“Ross started arguing with me, saying that I was acting nuts, which caused more of a scene than I expected or wanted because a small group of our wedding guests overheard the conversation and jumped in with their opinions.”
“Ross and Rachel did ultimately agree to leave, but for the rest of the night, people were talking not just about them getting engaged but also about me kicking them out.”
“Everyone was on our side, but even so, my wife and I weren’t happy that people continued to talk more about Ross and Rachel.”
“The reason we wanted them to leave was because we didn’t want to keep being reminded all night of the stunt they had just pulled on us instead of being able to simply celebrate our marriage with our friends and family.”
‘My wife has since said that it was wrong to kick Ross and Rachel out, and we should’ve pretended to be happy for them in the moment so as not to ruin the night further because people would have talked less about it that way.”
“Rachel’s mother has also complained to my wife’s mother about me kicking them out, saying that we should’ve brought it up to them privately later instead of letting a faux pas turn into a squabble because now that’s the only thing anyone is going to remember about our wedding and/or about Ross and Rachel’s engagement.’
“I do still think that Ross and Rachel, mostly Ross, were a-holes in this situation, but was I also?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for kicking Ross and Rachel out of his wedding.
Everyone agreed that a wedding was never an appropriate place for a proposal, and getting the DJ to play “their song” was beyond the pale. Even if some felt kicking them out wasn’t the best course of action.
“The mother at the end.”
“Telling them they should have done it privately when her f*cking son proposed at someone else’s wedding.”
“People have no shame or awareness.”- Sniffer_Bear93
“Sounds like a very Ross and Rachel thing to do.”- KingdomKey10
“While I get it was a spur-of-the-moment engagement, it was not appropriate.”
“That could almost have been forgiven if they hadn’t pushed it further.”
“Then going to the DJ to play ‘their song’ was completely out of line.”
“I’d be mad at the DJ too. He shouldn’t be taking requests from people who aren’t bride and groom.”
‘They should have realized the time and place and the middle of your wedding wasn’t it.”
“For those hung up on my spur-of-the-moment wording.”
‘I chose that because OP stated Ross has been carrying the ring around already.”
‘He was looking for the ‘perfect’ moment.”
“If it was his first time carrying the ring I wouldn’t have called it spur of the moment.”
‘He, however, had been carrying around a ring for an undisclosed amount of time.”
“Decide how you want.”
“Intentional or not, Ross and Rachel were still in the wrong.”
“It’s not appropriate to get engaged at somebody else’s wedding.”
“Keep downvoting me for whatever you are, but I am in no way condoning the engagement at their wedding.”- WebAcceptable7932
“And send Rachel’s mother an invoice for half of the reception and DJ fees.”
“They turned your wedding reception into their engagement party, so it’s only right that they cough up their share of the cost.”- CrankyWife
“Rachel and Ross did the rudest thing anyone could do at a wedding.”
“Personally, I wouldn’t even let them dance (and the DJ should have asked you if you were ok with it, since you paid for the ceremony).”- 000-Hotaru_Tomoe
“I can see being caught up in the moment (Ross); however, he was carrying around the ring at YOUR wedding, so he had already thought about proposing to Rachel AT your wedding.”
“That was an A**hole move on his part.”
“I don’t blame you for kicking them out.”
“Even though it ended up being more of a talking point.”
“Had Ross not been an A**hole and argued with you, and just realized his error in judgment and he and Rachel quietly left, then there would have been no scene, and you and your new wife could have then enjoyed YOUR day, the way you should have been able to.”
“I don’t agree with the poster who said that you should go to their wedding and upstage them because that would just cement in everyone’s minds that you two were the A**holes from the start.”
“However, what I would do is, IF you are invited to their wedding (which you might not be, as they might worry that you will retaliate) I would stand up and give a sincere congratulation and then say something like ‘and don’t worry, we have no intention of upstaging you two on your big day, this day is for YOU’ and then leave it at that.”
“It makes you the bigger person but reminds them what they did.”
“Because I wouldn’t put it past them to announce their pregnancy on someone else’s big day.”-MissSuzieSunshine
“But make up to them, get invited to their wedding, then announce your wife’s pregnancy there in similar fashion.”- bureaucratic_drift
“It was YOUR wedding day, so Ross choosing that point in time to propose was a slimeball move, especially if he didn’t discuss doing so prior to you and your wife’s big day.”
“Sign or not, there was no reason for Ross to think THAT was the appropriate time to do that, especially since he’s been walking around with the ring anyway.”
“What makes it all worse, Rachel thought it would be a good idea to have the DJ play their song, again, without consulting you or your wife.”- XoliaPhoenix
Weddings do tend to make you feel romantic and more in love than you thought you were.
Even so, the wedding should be about the happy couple and no one else.
As Ross and Rachel’s wedding day approaches, hopefully, they’ll come to realize how they would feel if someone chose their wedding to make a very public proposal.
Which hopefully might make them think very carefully about when to announce they’re expecting their first child.