It’s hard to punish those we love.
But when pleas and warnings continue to fall on deaf ears, sometimes a punishment is the only solution.
When Redditor throaway87284 discovered her son was behaving in a truly appalling manner, she knew the only solution was a severe punishment.
A punishment so severe that it put a strain not only on her relationship with her son, but also on her marriage.
Concerned she may have been to hard on her son, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for kicking my son out after he peed on his bed multiple times?”
The OP shared a shocking discovery she learned from her housekeeper.
“I (44 F[emale]) will start by saying that my son (Luke) is 18 years old, he is not a child, and he purposefully peed on his bed multiple times.”
“We have a housekeeper (Mary) that helps me with the laundry, cleaning, etc and she only brought it up after it had already happened over and over again.”
“I could tell she was very uncomfortable when she explained the situation, she said she had been cleaning and washing our son’s sheets over and over for almost a week and she was concerned.”
The OP was even more shocked when Luke didn’t even try to deny what he had been doing and even confessed his fairly shocking reason for doing so.
“After having a conversation with Luke, he unashamedly told us that he was doing that purposefully to piss off Mary because apparently he does not like the way she talks to him.”
“He said Mary keeps telling him to scrape the leftovers from his plates in the garbage can, not in the sink (as he usually does which ends up clogging the pipes) and quote ‘she didn’t even thank me for doing the dishes, it’s literally her job, if I do it and it happens to clog the pipes that’s not my f**king problem, I want her gone and if you’re not gonna fire her I’ll make her quit’.”
The OP disclosed Luke’s behavior is not a new problem and expressed her concerns it had been tolerated for far too long.
“Luke is our only child and has always had reprehensible behaviors, he has gone to therapy multiple times but currently refuses to go.”
“You could argue that it’s a result of bad parenting, and frankly yes, whenever he shows bad behavior my husband doesn’t take it seriously, he thinks Luke is just a normal teen boy doing ‘boy things’.”
“My son is not ‘scared’ of me, he doesn’t listen to me, he doesn’t wanna work or go to college, he is not afraid of any consequences because he knows his dad will let him off.”
But the incident with Mary proved to be the last straw for the OP, even if she didn’t get complete support from her husband.
“Of course I love my son, but after what he said regarding this incident I kicked him out.”
“I told him Mary was not going anywhere and that he was going to pack his things and find a place to rent with the money his dad gives him.”
“My husband believes my reaction to this situation was too extreme and he was on my son’s side, but Luke decided he was going to live with his friend that had been looking for a roommate because ‘he hates me and the only way I’m ever gonna get off his ass is by moving out’.”
“I am hurt by this, obviously, but as a mother I think the only way that he’s ever gonna learn and mature is if he moves out and deals with shit on his own.”
“My husband is still very upset and this is taking a toll on our marriage, however, I do not want advice and comments regarding my marriage, that’s not the point of this post.”
“I want different perspectives from different people and that is why I’m here, my husband firmly believes I am TA for kicking our son out, so, am I really TA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
There was no doubt in the minds of the Reddit community that the OP was not at all the a**hole for kicking her son out of the house.
Everyone was shocked and appalled by Luke’s behavior, with some feeling kicking him out of the house was long overdue.
“Um, excuse me?”
“He thought he was gonna get Mary to quit because she’s telling him how to do things correctly as an adult?”
“Who exactly does he think he is? “
“He’s not paying her.”
“He’s not paying the mortgage.”
“He’s not paying for the plumber or clearing the pipes himself when he jacks them up.”
“It’s not his place to make any kind of decision about Mary.”
“I think he needs to learn the hard way how life really is.”
“If scraping scraps into the disposal is really that serious of a burden for him, I think he’s in for a rude awakening.”
“You are NTA.”
“Your son is very much TA.” – julioux
“He is performing a bodily function to spite your housekeeper.”
“Which means he has to sleep in the piss mattress in order to do that.”
“That’s some weird ass behavior.” –yardie-takingupspace
“That behavior is vile, and maybe it was a long time coming, but this is what it will take to put your son on the right track.”
“You’re doing him a favor.”
“And no one should EVER treat people the way he does.” –MyCatSpellsBetter
“If you were, it’d only be because this has gone on so long, but I can see you and your spouse don’t quite see eye to eye on that.”
“Peeing on your sheets to make the housekeeper quit because they weren’t sufficiently deferential to you is NOT ‘normal teen boy things’.”
“For one thing, 99.9% of teen boys don’t HAVE a housekeeper.”
“Your son is clearly suffering from affluenza.”
“He’s had everything handed to him his whole life, and is now so entitled that he feels no obligation to have a productive adulthood or adhere to norms of decent behavior.”
“The fact that therapy didn’t help and he now refuses to go sounds… Idk. Dangerous.”
“Maybe having to manage on his own for a bit will adjust his perspective, but I doubt it.” –Ippus_21
Some even went so far as to say not only should the OP kick Luke out of the house, but they should even consider changing the locks.
“If the son has access to your home, I would change the locks to keep him from coming back and wreaking havoc when he knows you won’t be there.”
“If you’re worried, have security cameras installed.”
“If he would intentionally pee in his bed, who knows what form of retaliation he may decide he “owes you”- kcoinga
Others also held the OP’s husband accountable, for condoning Luke’s bad behavior for far too long.
“You’re 100% right. “
“Your son is acting like a petulant child and your husband is not just condoning, but outright supporting your son’s bad behavior.”
“He needed consequences long ago, but it’s better late than to never hold him accountable for his actions.” –ollyator
“Perhaps you should kick your husband out, too.”
“This boys will be boys shit has to end.” –Neat-Boysenberry5333
“NTA but it’s probably too late to salvage your son’s attitude and behavior.”
“His dad needs to stop giving him money so he actually has to get a job and support himself.”
“He will probably still be an a**hole but maybe a job in the service industry could open his eyes to the way the other half lives.” –Masters_pet_411
“This is absolutely unhinged behavior on his part; let him try stuff like this with his friends and they’ll most likely kick him out much faster.”
“Unless he’s been piling his sheets up and peeing on them, then I have to assume he’s been doing it while they’re on the mattress, in which case his mattress should reek by now.”
“That’s not something you wash out, that’s something you replace a mattress over.”
“If he can stand to sleep in a cloud of fumes just to spite someone else, then he’s not right in the head.”
“I’m not gonna call you the A-H since it sound like you’ve tried to change this behavior, but as long as his father keeps taking up for him, he’s not going to change.”
“Daddy’s safety net will always be there.”
“A better question is why you’ve stuck around this long with a man who’s actively trying to create a monster out of your son?”
“Does your husband do similar things? “
“Is he this spiteful and petty in his everyday life? “
“I don’t usually scream ‘leave!’ at the first provocation, but don’t beat your head against that wall forever.”- Moonchaser70
There were a few who believed that family counseling might be the best solution to solve this family’s problems.
“NTA your family needs to go to counseling separately and together.”
“You took a stand about 17 years too late it appears but if you don’t work with your husband to fix this problem one day he’s gonna do much worse and end up in a prison.”
“I would sit down with my husband and talk with non you statements telling I’m I need to fix this I would appreciate your help I believe a mutual third party to mediate would help.”
“I believe our son needs us to allow him to fail on his own so he can mature get a job and be a better person.” –Salamandajoe
No parent ever wants it to come to a point where they will have to kick their children out of the house and cut them out of their lives.
But maybe Luke living on his own, without his father’s protections, will be just the lesson he needs.
And maybe Luke being out of the house will give his father some time to reflect upon Luke’s behavior, and make better decisions going forward.