With each passing year, our appearance is bound to change.
Our hair might get a little grayer, more and more wrinkles might appear on our faces, and our weight might fluctuate.
While some people embrace aging gracefully, others feel more and more self-conscious about their appearance the older they get.
Sometimes even going so far as to take measures to prevent their appearance from changing too much.
The wife of a recent Redditor was interested in a popular cosmetic procedure.
Something the Original Poster (OP) was firmly against, and made no effort to hide his opinion on the matter.
Even so, the OP’s wife still went and got it done, resulting in the OP taking drastic measures to make sure she would never do it again.
Wondering if he went too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA: My (28 M[ale])wife (27 F[emale]) wants to take my vehicle to get botox after she lied to me about it.”
The OP explained why he refused to give his wife their car keys on a recent occasion.
“A year ago my wife (27) went out and got lip injections after I asked her not to and was upset because it’s not something I like at all in a woman.”
“She lied about what she was doing and did it anyway.”
“Then a few months after that, she went and got Botox for her forehead and nose. This is after we talked about lying about the lip injections and how I hate these kinds of things on women.’
“Nobody escapes time and age.”
“Now, tomorrow she is asking to take my vehicle because she is getting botox AGAIN apparently for the same places, forehead and nose (Something makes me think it’s more than that).”
“I denied her my vehicle because I feel I would be enabling her behaviors, and I also do not approve or condone what she’s doing.
“She seems to think I’m a complete d8ck head because of this.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
While neither the OP nor his wife came out looking particularly good to the Reddit community, the general consensus was that the OP was, indeed, the a**hole for not allowing his wife to use the car.
Many felt the OP shouldn’t have lied to her husband about getting Botox, even though they agreed that the OP ultimately had no say in what she chose to do with her body.
“ESH.”
“Your wife lies to you.”
“You feel like you can have a final say on her body and indulge in childish behavior.”
“What you both need in your relationship is honesty and better communication.”- Embarrassed-Owl8229
“ESH.”
“You’re the AH for forbidding her from getting it done. It’s her body, after all.”
“You’re not an AH for not liking it and not letting her use your car.”
“She’s also the AH for lying.”
“She will find a way to do all those surgeries (and who knows when she’ll stop).”
“You have to decide if you still want to be with her or decide that it’s too much for you.”- PlateNo7021
“It doesn’t sound like you were ready for marriage.”
“You’re not compatible with each other if you can’t talk this out like rational people.”- CareApart504
Others, however, couldn’t get past the OP’s controlling behavior of his wife, and he had absolutely no right to withhold his car keys so she could get Botox.
“YTA.”
“Your car, your rules, right?”
“But maybe have an open conversation instead of using your car keys as a remote control for her decisions.”- CompetitiveMoose9
“YTA.”
“She shouldn’t have lied, and I was very close to ESH.”
“But…you are being unbelievably judgmental.”
”Enabling her’?”
“She is well within her rights and doing nothing wrong by opting for some tweakments.”
“You’re very focused on what you like, what you don’t like, what you don’t approve of.”
“I see no consideration for how she feels about herself or what she likes.”- happybanana134
“YTA.”
“And a manipulator at that.”Â
“Your wife shouldn’t even have been put in a situation where she had to lie to you.”
“Because it’s her body and her choice.”
“Yes, you can express your opinion and concerns, but that’s it. If she still wants to do it, you SUPPORT her.”
“You offer to drive her there and back (if you can).”
“You are partners, aren’t you?”
“What’s the point then of having a partner in life?”- BreadfruitOk945
“YTA.”
“It’s her body, it doesn’t matter what you consider seemly for women.”
‘She is an adult. She doesn’t need your approval or permission.”- Pleasant_Birthday_77
“I understand disliking the plastic surgery fake look.”
“However, that’s not fair. You are basically saying she is not allowed to do so.”
“‘enabling’ her choice to get treatments done by lending her your car?”
“Botox is an anti-aging treatment and will not cause that anyway.”
“Also, if you seem to come across as someone who says looks aren’t important and it’s vain to care ‘no one escapes time and age,’ however if that’s truly the case, you should love your wife whether she looks like that or not.”
“If looks really don’t matter?”
“Seems like maybe in the past, you’ve made your opinion on that clear, and that’s why she felt like she had to lie?”
“That seems like the bigger issue here rather than her using your car or getting it done in the first place.”
“The fact you feel like it’s some kind of inappropriate ‘behavior’ when in reality for most women it’s a way of taking care of themselves makes it seem like the way you expressing your views is not by expressing- but trying to enforce compliance.”
“YTA.”- ShreddedApplez
“100% YTA.”
“She’s completely within her rights to do what she wants, she’s an adult, she has autonomy over her body.”
“You ‘not liking’ this in women is not an end to the story.”
“You don’t get to tell her what she’s allowed to do, and denying her access to your vehicle because it’s ‘enabling her behaviour’ is absolutely gross intent.”
“You clearly don’t want an equal relationship. You want someone you can dictate.”-AnalFistingWalrus
“YTA.”
“the way you talk, I assume she has to lie to you every day in order to do anything in her life.”-vegemitepants
“Where is ‘her’ car?”
“If she does not have one, then why isn’t ‘your’ car a shared car?”
“Also, you are welcome to your opinions on botox, etc., but that’s where it ends.”
‘You don’t get to decide what she does with her body.”
“Period.”
“YTA.”- Plane-Thing-8072
“YTA.”
“She wouldn’t be lying to you if you didn’t have the audacity to think you can forbid her to do whatever she damn well pleases with her own body.”
“If this is a boundary, then have a serious conversation about the future of your relationship.”
“Otherwise, take all the seats.”
“Not your body, not your choice.”
“Period.”- theresbeans
“YTA.”
“She’s a grown woman she can make her own choices on her body.”
“You made your opinion clear. That’s all you can do.”
‘You must accept what she wants to do with her body or leave her. Those are your only two options.”
“Cutting off her transportation is extremely controlling and a way to try to force her to do what you want.”- Illustrious_Bird9234
“YTA for controlling what your wife is doing with her body when ‘you don’t like that look’.”- zaubervoll
“Yikes bro, this is controlling territory.”
“Get some therapy.”- emollii
“If you are in a position where you can withhold a means of transportation and therefore free movement from your wife then there is an imbalance of power, and she is at your mercy.”
“This is NOT healthy behaviour and you should rethink that.”- jollycanoli
“YTA.”
“Instead of ‘getting over her lying to you multiple times,’ you should try communicating WITH her about why she doesn’t feel comfortable telling you the truth.”
“Maybe actually make an effort to hear her side of things and understand.”
“Sounds like you’re just preaching and demanding and commanding.”
“Also, are you making comments about how hot other women are?”
“Do they happen to be younger?”- Dangerous_Prize_4545
“YTA.”
“Her body, her choice whether you like it or not.”- QHAM6T46
“YTA for trying to stop her.”
“She can do as she pleases; however, she shouldn’t have lied.”
“Honestly my partner and I have discussed Botox and surgeries, and he said he doesn’t want me to get any and I have straight up told him if I feel it is necessary, I will be getting a tummy tuck and breast reduction after we are done having kids.”
“He said that it’s reasonable even if he’s not fond of the idea.”
“Sometimes your partner isn’t going just to follow your lead, dude.”- Fun-Complaint-8363
The OP has every right to wish his wife wouldn’t get Botox.
Where his rights end, however, is telling her what she can and cannot do with her own body.
One can’t help but feel that if the OP made a point of how beautiful his wife was already, without Botox, and made her feel even more beautiful, this whole thing could have been avoided.
Acting like he’s in charge of her, however, instead could very possibly put their marriage in jeopardy.