No matter how close you are, or how long you’ve known each other, chances are that at one point or another, you’ve found yourself frustrated or at odds with your friends.
In some cases, it’s so menial that you decide never to bring it up, and just move past it.
Other times, it might result in a fight or some ongoing tension, but your friendship is valuable enough that you still find a way to forgive and forget.
In some sad cases, however, one particular conflict might result in the irreparable end to a lasting friendship.
Redditor Maximum-Function561 found himself shocked and hurt when his oldest and closest friend seemed to make it clear that he didn’t want him in his life any longer.
The original poster (OP) was even more surprised, however, when this same friend and his ex-wife came back into his life asking a pretty considerable favor of him.
A favor he was in no way willing to oblige.
Wondering if he was being petty, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA For refusing to pay for a former friends daughters college?”
The OP explained why he was less than sympathetic when a former friend and his ex-wife came to him for help.
“I (37 M[ale]) had a friend ‘Roy’ (37 M) when I was in high school.”
“We were friends for years prior to graduating and remained friends some years after.”
“I considered him my best friend.”
“At one point he had a daughter, May, and I became her Godfather at his and his partners request.”
“At the time I was still living with a bunch of friends from high school.”
“One of which was my roommate Taylor and his brother Jordan.”
“Roy split with his wife during this time, and since I was his closest friend, I convinced the other guys to let Roy move in.”
“Jordan had never liked me from the get go, and attempted to drive wedges between my friends and I.”
“He did this whenever I wasn’t around, and I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten until it was too late.”
“He’d make shrewd comments about my girlfriend being out of my league and my career amongst other things, and the few people who remained my friends told me in more detail that he lied about me (like saying i had trashed the kitchen, when it was really him), and despite them trying to defend me, their words fell on deaf ears.”
“I was unaware, but apparently even Roy believed Jordan.”
“Our lease was ending near this point and Jordan, Taylor, and Roy had plotted behind my back to kick me out.”
“We lived in a 5 bedroom and one of our roommates was leaving, but because of Jordan, many of my friends were uncomfortable moving in with me.”
“So they decided to kick me out to bring 2 new people in, informing me about a month before the lease ended.”
“I was betrayed, and hurt, most of all by Roy, the person I considered a brother.”
“After I got kicked out I struggled on my own for a while.”
“I was 24 at the time, and I had a decent job, which is the only reason I made it on my own, even if it was just barely.”
“That career set me up well for my future, to the point that I now live very comfortably, to say the least.”
“Flash forward about 6 years later, and Jordan drunkenly told Taylor and Roy that he had purposely gotten me kicked out, and that devolved into him spilling his guts about the situation.”
“Turns out he was jealous of my girlfriend (who is now my wife) and how ‘easy’ my life looked.”
“Roy and the others attempted to reconcile, and though I tried, it never felt right.”
“I remained low contact.”
“That brings us to now.”
“May graduated and they asked me to help pay for her college since I’m her godfather.”
“I refused, based on the events of over 10 years ago now, and the fact that I hadn’t been treated like her godfather in over a decade.”
“He, his family, and my mother all seem to think I’m in the wrong.”
“My wife is pissy they have the balls to ask.”
“I genuinely don’t feel like I am but I’m sick of being pestered by so many.”
“So Reddit, AITA For refusing to pay for her college?”
Fellow Redditors weighed on on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to pay for May’s college tuition.
Everyone agreed that Roy did, indeed, have a lot of nerve asking the OP to pay for May’s tuition after the past way he treated him, with many pointing out that Ray’s request was inappropriate and asking a lot regardless of the state of their relationship.
“I’m with your wife here.”
“They have a lot of nerve.”
“NTA.”- SatisfactionNo1910
“NTA.”
“Never heard of a godparent being asked to help pay for college, especially when they haven’t been involved in the kids life.”
“F*ck them.”- RichS816
“NTA.”
“Plot spoiler.”
“You can tell by the way that they have behaved towards you in the past that these people don’t like you.”
“They just like the idea of your money.”
“The only way that you would be TA would be if you gave in to their BS.”
“Even then, you’d only be being TA to yourself.”- Defiantly-Single
“NTA.”
“The fight is pretty inconsequential, that’s a hella weird ask, even of an aunt or an uncle much less a godfather.”- reluctantdonkey
“NTA.”
“Being middle finger to your fake friend.”
“If Roy was a real friend he would have talked to you about/ asked about all the lies that Jordan was telling.”
“And he would have been open and honest to you about not renewing the lease with you instead of only giving you a month notice.”- judgingA-holes
“With friends like this, who needs enemies?”
“NTA.”
“Your wife sees through the BS.”- Polka-Dot-Empress
“NTA.”
“Godparents paying for college is not thing.”
“You’re supposed to make sure the kid is raised Christian and possibly take in the kid if the parents die.”- elcad
“NTA.”
“They do not have the right to ask when they did something so horrible without even apologizing.”-Ok-Organization-5497
“NTA.”
“Your wife understands.”
“Real friends don’t desert you, and then come asking for serious money, after not having contact for years.”
“Strange how they asked you for money once they realized you weren’t the person they thought you were.”
“Jeesh.”- Capelily
“NTA.”
“You don’t owe Roy or his daughter a damn thing!”- TheLeadSearcher
“NTA.”
“Not only did they never confront you on what Jordan said, they believed him because honestly, they were probably jealous of you gf at the time and now they are jealous you married her and have money.”
“These are not friends.”
“These are leaches.”
“And even if you were involved in Mays life like a godfather should have been, you are not required or obligated to pay for her school, let alone when you haven’t seen her since she was EIGHT!”
“Your wife sounds like an incredible, amazing woman.”
“Listen to her and you should be as upset as she is.”
“Your mom needs to back off right now before she drives a wedge between herself and you and your wife.”
“She should be supporting you and it’s making ME (a stranger on the internet) so mad.”-MixConscious6299
“There’s a famous quote that some older guys I know repeat to me fairly often.”
“They say, ‘A happy wife makes for a happy life’.”
“It’s true, even though I’m not married.”
“Dude, your wife is not happy with them.”
“You’re absolutely right for not paying college tuition for your goddaughter, but I think your wife wants you to never talk to them again.”
“NTA but it’s time to go NC with those a**holes.”- Ok-Ebb4485
“NTA, f*ck Roy.”
“Godfathers don’t pay for college unless they are rich uncles with no kids.”
“Betrayers get nothing.”- ChronoMonkeyX
“NTA.”
“They were fake friends for kicking you out.”- CJforMVP
“He does not consider you a friend he lost and is regretful.”
“You are just someone that he can use for his own gain.”
“Sad to hear it but you wife is correct to be pissed.”
“You have a wife that has been with you all this time and saw what they did to you.”
“A true friend would not have believed those lies without solid proof and then conspired with them to have you kicked out of the house.”
“Ignore him and his family.”
“Block them!”
“You mom is a bleeding heart and has no skin in this game.”
“Tell your mom that you will not talk about this with her anymore and if she brings it up tell her No.”
“Stop talking to me about it.”
“It’s over.”
“NTA.”- BoBoChew
A godfather certainly has the right to offer to pay their godchild’s college tuition if they want to, and are in a position to do so.
But they should never be expected to, under almost any circumstances.
Perhaps the most perplexing aspect of this whole, unfortunate situation is that Roy actually thought the OP was going to say yes.