When it comes to going out to eat, finding a place that will please everyone is often a hugely frustrating challenge.
Some people might simply not like certain types of cuisines, while others might have strict diets or severe allergies which might limit their choices.
People’s taste and dietary restrictions can pose an even bigger challenge when it comes to catering.
Redditor landofsunshine1‘s allergies had proven to be so problematic, that she’d taken to simply bringing her own food to catered events.
And she’d received approval from her brother to do the same for his wedding.
But when the original poster (OP)’s new sister in law took one look at what she’d brought to eat, she accused her of ruining the wedding.
Wondering if she had in fact done anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for bringing eggs to a vegan wedding?”
The OP first explained how her brother and now sister-in-law’s dietary restrictions posed a considerable problem to her own dietary restrictions at their wedding.
“So my (21 F[emale]) brother (26 M[ale]) got married last weekend.”
“He and my new sister-in-law (SIL) (26 F) had known each other for a few years now, and naturally I was invited to the wedding.”
“She had been vegan since she was 12 and had also converted my brother in recent years, so they decided to make the wedding vegan.”
“Basically, this meant that all the catering was vegan food, even the alcohol, and they used petals from their garden instead of plastic confetti and things like that to make the wedding as eco friendly as possible.”
“I have no problem with any of this and think it’s great.”
“Anyway, the problem is this.”
“The issue I often have with eating anywhere is that I have multiple allergies.”
“Peanuts, soy, sesame and a mild shellfish allergy as well.”
“The first 3 I named are very serious and have landed me in hospital in the past became of cross contamination, so I’m really weary.”
The OP thought she came up with a solution to this problem, and got her brother’s approval, but things took an unfortunate turn when the bride saw what the OP was eating on her big day.
“I talked to my brother about if there would be anything safe for me to eat at the event, but because they’re using a local neighborhood ladies business as the catering service instead of something professional, I did not feel comfortable enough that there was absolutely zero chance of me having a reaction.”
“Especially because the allergens were ingredients in many of the dishes.”
“It felt too risky, so I said I’d bring my own food and he agreed that was the best option.”
“I’ve done this with plenty of such events in the past and it’s never been a problem.”
“The wedding day arrives and it comes time to eat.”
‘Everyone is digging into the food, and I pull out my tupperware quite happily and dig in when I see the bride staring at me with horror on her face.”
‘I had bought a homemade sort of salad box which had 2 eggs on top, and she literally just stared at me in disgust the entire time we ate without saying anything.”
“After the meal is finished, she pulled me to the side and said I ‘ruined her meal and her appetite’ and ‘ruined her day’ and that I’m clearly ‘a selfish person because I can’t even go one meal without animal secretions in a vegan wedding’ and that it was seriously disrespectful because the fact it was a vegan wedding was the main focus.”
“In my eyes, I bought my own food because they weren’t able to provide me with something which was safe to eat, and it’s not like I brought a steak.”
“I had 2 eggs in a big salad and she must have been specifically staring at my food to even realize they were there.’
“However I’m beginning to wonder if I’m the a**hole because my brother also said it was in poor taste and I should have brought something else.”
“So what are your thoughts, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat split, they generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for bringing eggs to her brother’s vegan wedding.
Just about everyone felt that the OP was only thinking of her own health and safety, and that her SIL overreacted.
“NTA.”
“While I understand having dietary restrictions and it being her day, you have unavoidable dietary restrictions, in that you are severely allergic to some foods, some of which were listed in the ingredients.”
“You talked it out and got permission to bring your own food.”
“You did your due diligence.”
“From there, it is the responsibility of your brother to mention to his new wife what is going on.”
“NTA, not remotely.”- SaifurCloudstrife
“Sorry, the focus of her wedding was veganism?”
“Not that she was making a commitment to the person she loves? “
“She’s an a** for that comment alone.”
“But you’re NTA, if they were unable to cater for you, they have no right to take offense of what you made yourself.”- Hellsbellsbeans
“NTA.”
“Your brother seems like he dropped the ball, though.”
“His wife seems pretty overbearing and he should have spoken up.”
“If there were going to be limitations on what you could bring, he should have said something in advance.”
“You were not in the wrong for bringing your own meal.”- Motor_Crow4482
“NTA.”
“Were there guidelines or restrictions on the food you were allowed to bring?”
“Were you made aware of them? “
“Was anaphylactic shock preferable to eggs?”
“The bridezilla was looking to make an issue, no matter what you did she would have had a problem.”
“It sucks to suck.”- unionmom4
“NTA.”
“Unless they specifically asked you to make a vegan meal, it makes complete sense to not necessarily make your own food 100% vegan.”
“Also, by the sound of it, you are deathly allergic to 3 common replacements for animal products.”
“Making vegan food if you’ve never done it is not super easy anyway.”
“It makes sense you didn’t think that it would’ve been a problem.”- LiaraTsoni1
“NTA.”
“They didn’t have food for you to safely eat and you brought your own food instead of making a fuss and demanding they catered something special to you that went against their beliefs.”
“I don’t know if other vegans or vegetarians will feel differently but all the vegans and vegetarians I associate with and am friends with are tolerant of people with other diets and can tolerate if someone eats meat around them.”
“I feel you’d only be the a**hole if you knew eating that in front of her was gonna trigger her that bad or she explicitly outlawed you bringing that and you did anyway.”
“Thats not what happened here so NTA.”-pythonidaae
Though there were a few who felt that the OP should have thought more carefully, as she knew that rest of the guests at the wedding would be eating vegan food, though some felt that the bride still overreacted.
“Probably an unpopular opinion, but for me YTA.”
“I also have a ton of dietary issues, ones that often clash with vegan food like soy.”
“I’ve had to bring my own food before, and if I knew I was specifically going to a vegan wedding then I would bring a vegan dish for myself.”
“It’s a single meal.”
“It’s not hard to make a single vegan meal.”
“You were already like 90% of the way there with a salad.”
“Use walnuts or lentils instead of eggs.”
“Boom, done.”
“Another way to think of this is like a wedding having a dress code.”
“If you know beforehand that the couple don’t want anyone else to wear red and you show up in a red outfit, then yeah they might be mad at you.”- DolphinRx
“Soft YTA/ESH.”
“You were apparently aware that all of the catering would be vegan at the wedding and that this was therefore something important to the bride and groom.”
“Insofar as it sounds like there was something vegan you could have prepared yourself without harming you for one day, I think in your position I would have brought something vegan.”
“Obviously your health dietary requirements take precedence and you are NTA for bringing your own food.”
“\Especially since you did the right thing and checked.”
“But YTA for not making that food vegan if you could have done so.”
“With that said I agree that 1) your brother should have mentioned this when it was agreed you would bring your own food 2) your SIL clearly overreacted to say it ruined her day. Hence ‘soft’ YTA/ESH.”- State_of_Flux_88
One could say the OP could have thought more carefully about packing those eggs, as she was well aware that she was going to a vegan wedding.
But it’s pretty sad to think that even seeing the OP eat an egg was enough to ruin her wedding.
Particularly as the OP needing to be rushed to the hospital for accidentally eating soy or peanuts would have doubt been a much bigger distraction.