A person’s disability can greatly transform or impact their quality of life.
And it can do the same for the people in their immediate circle.
The “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit pointed this out to a 31-year-old man who had called out his wife for making a poor judgment.
Redditor AITAquestion11 was arguably upset for a justifiable reason.
But there was more waiting for him when the Original Poster (OP) reached out to the subReddit.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for how I reacted when my wife made me spend the night at my in-laws’ house when I wanted to go home?”
The OP’s and his wife’s relationship recently changed.
“I became wheelchair-bound 16 [months] ago due to a spinal cord injury.”
“I’ve struggled a lot during those difficult times. I went to therapy and that’s when things started getting easier.”
“I started learning to adapt and function like anybody else. I try to be independent.”
“My wife supports me a lot. She helps with heavy work that I’m incapable of handling.”
Then the OP’s wife said she wanted to have a girls’ night.
“We’d visit her family from time to time only for a few hours.”
“Yesterday she wanted us to go visit her family. And asked if I could spend the night there because she had friends come over for something like a girl’s night in.”
“I told her it’s okay, I’d just be in my room sleeping, since I go to bed at 10.”
“But she tried to convince me to stay with her family so the girls could have more privacy and might be loud. [She said] that her friends have done the same thing by getting their husbands out of their houses on GNIs (girls nights in).”
“I already told her I can’t sleep anywhere else other than my room. She dropped it and we went to visit her family.”
But apparently, that wasn’t the end of the conversation.
“At my in-laws, she was with her mom in the backyard while I was taking a nap in the living room.”
“She left while I was sleeping. My brother-in-law told me she wanted me to spend the night with them.”
“I was mad. I just wanted to go home and sleep in my room.”
“I don’t like spending time away from home and sleeping in another place. I literally lose sleep if I’m not home.”
“I kept calling her and sent her a text telling her to come to pick me up.”
“My mother-in-law convinced me to stay eventually, but I couldn’t help but feel mad.”
“I stayed up all night till she showed up in the morning. We didn’t talk till we got home.”
The wife didn’t think it was a big deal.
“I asked her why she ignored my opinion and made me spend the night away from home, causing me to stay up all night, knowing I wasn’t comfortable.”
“And she started arguing with me, saying it was not a big deal and that I’m overreacting. Her friends wanted some space, and it was unreasonable of me to be mad.”
“I lashed out at her because I felt like she made the decision despite hearing my opinion and being inconsiderate of my feelings.”
Others sided against the OP as well.
“She called me unbelievable and called my parents to try to explain to me that I overreacted.”
“My parents said I was being pushy and overdramatic. That it wasn’t like she left me at the store or the park.”
“They said I was being annoying and whiny and have no appreciation and respect for my wife’s wishes.”
“My sister said my wife probably was tired of looking after me and wanted me out of the house, so she could relax and enjoy her time without looking after me.”
“[My wife is] not talking to me and wants me to apologize for reacting this way.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some Redditors were concerned about red flags.
“NTA, yikes. Those are some massive red flags from both your wife and the rest of your family.”
“I know the stakes were fairly low in this particular scenario, but the fact that they used your inability to drive to physically trap you in a situation you didn’t want to be in… that’s every disabled person’s worst nightmare.”
“What’s worse is that it seems premeditated; your wife couldn’t convince you to do what she wanted willingly, so she manipulated the situation to where you no longer had a choice. That’s terrifying.”
“There are plenty of other red flags, like your wife calling your parents to bring them into a disagreement that’s none of their business, your wife/parents invalidating your feelings by calling you ‘overreacting’ and ‘overdramatic’, and your sister implying that you are a burden.”
“As bad as these all are, I can’t get over the concept that they would use your disability to manipulate and control you.”
“I would be fuming if I were you. And if my wife/family continued to push back and deny that this was a horrifying thing to do, I would question whether I feel safe around these people.” ~ blahdefreakinblah
“As a disabled person myself, (currently wheelchair bound and have to use a stairlift), it is my worst nightmare to be stuck anywhere else. Add the fact that many disabled people have anxiety about staying other places because of their disability and this woman (OP’s wife) is a disrespectful and discriminative wife.”
“I can’t imagine staying anywhere other than home because everywhere else feels like everything is 10x more difficult.”
“The fact that OP’s family is agreeing with how the wife acted is making me so angry. If my family acted like that (which they never would), I would be so so so so mad at them that I wouldn’t be able to look at them never mind speak to them.”
“They used his disability to their advantage to get what they want because he wouldn’t agree. She could be arrested for negligence and abuse of a disabled person not to mention all the civil lawsuits going around because people discriminate against the disabled.” ~ Blue_icecream88
“‘That it wasn’t like she left me at the store or the park’.”
“No, it IS like she left you at a store or a park.”
“It doesn’t matter where she left you, she intentionally used your disability against you for her own gain. And barring some extreme circumstances, that is completely unacceptable.”
“Any validity she may or may not have had about your unwillingness to leave for girls’ night (and I don’t think she has much, it’s your home too) is completely lost by the fact that she abandoned you somewhere and used your limited mobility against you.”
“She failed to treat you like a person. What she did is out and out abusive.”
“NTA.” – RedoubtableSouth
“Exactly. I don’t see why OP’s wife and her friends couldn’t get some adjoining hotel rooms and have girls’ night at a hotel? Then OP could have stayed in his home with the things he needs to manage for himself, and his wife could have her fun too.”