Romantic relationships are a tricky thing.
We allow someone to share our lives, our beds, our families but sometimes that sharing comes to an end.
What happens when a relationship ends but the other person isn’t ready to stand on their own?
This was the problem facing Reddittor and Original Poster (OP) wordssss72527 when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for advice.
“AITA for making my ex move out?”
He began with the basics.
“Hey everyone. I am 26(male) and I recently broke up with my girlfriend, Lisa, of two years.”
“Lisa had approached me telling me she wasn’t happy in the relationship and wanted to work on it more, but nothing I ever did seemed good enough, and it began to feel like I was ‘working’ all the time.”
“On top of that, she was flirting with a classmate a lot which made me feel uncomfortable tbh.”
Then he described the issue at hand.
“The issue is, Lisa is in her last semester of college and broke.”
“She doesn’t work, her family is unable to help, and the school she attends is already having a housing issue, so they can’t help until the next semester which is in late January.”
“Two weeks ago I gave her the thirty days notice required and she blew up.”
“She thinks she can live on campus next semester but asks that I allow her to have the extra room, but I really don’t want that.”
There was a lot to consider.
“The relationship is over and I no longer feel responsible for her, but if she moves out she will have to withdraw from her classes which will push her graduation back and she would lose all of the money paid.”
He was left wondering,
“AITA for telling her she has two weeks left and she needs to be gone?”
Having laid out the issue, OP asked the internet for some advice.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some shared personal experiences.
“When my ex and I split, I tried to keep it as civil as I could.”
“She had cheated, and had clearly fallen out of love with me, I could see the relationship wasn’t working and she wanted to call it off.”
“We lived together for another 9 months or so.”
“Really wish I hadn’t.”
“We never argued or anything but I felt that her being around stopped me from living my life a little and getting on with things.”
“I couldn’t just invite another girl home (friendly or otherwise) because I worried she’d get involved.”
“Sh*t like that.”
“Really I should have told her to pack her sh*t up and go. It wasn’t good for me”~ChuffChuff101
Others were very direct.
“She’s an adult and should fend for herself.”
“You weren’t responsible for her while the relationship was going on, you’re sure as hell not now that’s it’s over.”
“I know too many people, myself included, who let their exes leech around off them after it’s over because they feel guilty.”
“It’s not healthy for your mental.”~tbryans
“You’re giving her 30 days?”
“That’s plenty of time to call in favors, figure something out.”
Responses were suspicious of Ex’s intentions.
“NTA? This sounds like emotional trapping.”
“She may play the ‘Don’t make me lose everything’ card.”
“All the while she claims to be single but pretends to couple up around only you ( men do this too) this is a tough call but I would stick to your guns and let her do what she needs to do without you.”
“Co-dependency(spelling) is not healthy for singular growth.”
“Do you and let the past go.”~MoistTurf*ckn
While others approached the situation logically.
“It’s not your job or responsibility to support her.”
“Taking the relationship portion out of it, would you do this for anyone else?”
“No one is entitled to have someone else foot their bills for them.”
“You said she doesn’t work.”
“Sounds like it’s time for her to get a job and find a place to crash, whether it be an apartment of her own, or a room in someone else’s place.”
“Surely she has friends.”
“Or maybe the person she was flirting with?”
“It was one thing to be okay with supporting her while you guys were together, but you agreed to that as a couple.”
“She’s not your significant other anymore, the deal has changed and you shouldn’t have to have someone leeching off of you because of a lack of forethought on their part.”
“She’s not a bad person for asking, but it’s pretty freaking entitled.”
“And you’re not a bad person for saying no. It’s your house.”~veloxaraptor
“Of course you are NTA”
“Look…it sucks that she has nowhere else to go.”
“But she has no right to expect that her ex-boyfriend will continue to give her free rent, free utilities, free wifi, free laundry, free food etc etc after SHE chose to end the relationship.”
“That’s just not how the world works.”
“And if she wanted to stay, she should have communicated that to you to see if you were ok or if you could work out some kind of deal.”
“…instead of waiting until after the breakup and trying to guilt you into letting her stay.”
“Some exes are able to do this.”
“But both have to be willing and she never bothered to find out if you were.”
“She just pulled the ripcord and assumed you would continue to take care of her.”
“That was an incorrect assumption on her part.”
“This person chose to not have a job or any means to take care of herself AND she chose to end her relationship without finding somewhere else to live.”
“All of this is on her, not you.”~The__Riker__Maneuver
Sometimes relationships wither, or people grow apart, or it just doesn’t work.
We have to remember that just because the relationship ends, our feelings may not.
Endings are difficult, but they are necessary for the growth of everyone involved.