Wedding dress shopping is one of the most exciting moments of a bride’s wedding planning season.
But sometimes the loved ones the bride has graciously invited on this journey with her let their opinions sour the mood.
This happened to Redditor Wrong_Piano_9011.
A disagreement between the Original Poster (OP) and her future mother-in-law drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for telling my future MIL she has no says in my wedding dress choice?”
She went on to tell her story.
“I [Female age 25] am getting married next year to my fiance, Jack [Male age 26].”
“His mom is excited for the wedding and has been very involved.”
“I’m currently looking for a wedding dress and my future MIL insisted on looking with me.”
“I had no issue with that until recently, when we went shopping and she kept criticizing every dress i tried on and kept saying things like ‘no that’s not for US’, ‘WE can do better’.”
“I was getting irritated but kept it inside to not cause any drama.”
“At some point, i tried on a dress and immediately fell in love. I looked at the saleswoman and told her it was the one that i wanted”
“My future MIL did not agreed and was like ‘Are you kidding? I don’t want that one, she’s not pretty’”
“I tried to remain as polite as possible and told her that although I was thankful she volunteered to come with me, it was still MY future wedding dress and therefore MY choice and that i was gonna choose that one whether she liked the dress or not.”
“She started crying and told me that I was being ungrateful for everything she’s done for me and called me selfish. She then left and took a taxi home.”
“When I told my fiancé what happened, he said I should’ve been more understanding because as he was her only kid, it’s her only chance to live this.”
“I do feel bad because maybe I could’ve been nicer, but I also feel like I should be able to choose the dress I want.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“This is your red flag. Your fiance is always going to take his mommy’s side. You have to decide if that’s the battle you want to fight the rest of your life.”
“NTA.” – oksccrlvr
“NTA, BUT if your Future Husband won’t stand up for you, this could be a terrible marriage.” – NewtoFL2
“NTA. Why is the mom so dramatic? It’s your wedding and your dress. You have to wear it, not her.”
“Also why is your fiance is saying you should be more considerate about her feelings? This doesn’t make any sense here.”
“Kinda a red flag/toxic trait to make you feel bad instead of staying on your side.” – demkun
“‘it’s her only chance to live this.’”
“Huh? What’s “this” exactly supposed to refer to? And how in the world is “this” more important than your only chance to live your wedding? NTA” – SchighSchagh
“NTA”
“I would not let her come to any more planning sessions either. She thinks she is in control. Put up boundaries now, or it will get worse.” – oaksandpines1776
“NTA. What’s next?”
“‘This is her only son’s honeymoon and coming with us is the only way she’ll feel happy’ or ‘this is her first grandchild, overruling your parenting decisions is the only way she’ll feel good.’”
“Have a stern talk. You need to solve the problem in your home first.” – Silly-Difficulty-215
“NTA Your wedding. Your dress. MIL gets prime spectator seating, but that’s it.” – Shibaspots
“NTA”
“She seems to think it’s HER wedding when it’s obviously YOURS.”
“At some point, you needed to say something, and I think you did it nicely.” – Paevatar
“NTA.”
“It sounds like she ruined your whole day, and your significant other should not be blowing off his moms manipulative waterworks.”
“You need to have a serious talk with your partner. This is a window into how your whole marriage could go.” – ZestyShoePrint
“Your fiance is a total AH here. I’m a 61-year-old married man, and he better ‘get with the program’ that he is marrying you…NOT HIS Mother.”
“You two should get couple’s counseling before the wedding to ensure firm boundaries are agreed upon and that he has an understanding of their importance.”
“Otherwise this will NOT end well…especially once children become involved.” – ConsitutionalHistory
“NTA. Why is bf acting as if the wedding is about her? You need to think about that.” – MerlinBiggs
“If the experience she wants to ‘live’ is that of crapping on the bride and her choices, it’s one she can have all on her own. NTA.” – south3y
“NTA”
“MIL was visibly overjoyed all along, which can be heavy to endure… But in the end, she started trying to emotionally manipulate you. That makes her an AH.”
“Good for you for standing up.” – brisemartel
“NTA”
“It’s your day. It’s your wedding, it’s your dress. It’s all about what you want.”
“I’d never have let my actual mother, far less my MIL, have any say in what I chose to wear.” – CharmingCarmilla
“NTA, you’re completely right. It’s your dress, so you have the final say on the design you want.”
“Ignore overly controlling MIL. You’re not being ungrateful just because you differ with her opinions.”
“You’re just choosing what kind of dress you would like for your wedding (important day), it’s not something out of the ordinary.”
“It doesn’t make you an a**hole, either.” – [username since deleted]
“My dear, you could have just not told her nor showed her. Just buy it and say nothing.”
“But now, you need to have a convo with your maybe future husband. This is not just his wedding and his mom needs to take second place in his priorities.”
“If he doesn’t have your back now, it won’t get better. So you need to set that record straight. Mom is not part of your marriage, you are his priority.”
“Do not get married if this is not in stone. NTA” – wifeofamarriedman
“NTA”
“My fiancé is also his mothers only child, and while he has asked me to be considerate (her and I don’t get along at all) he also has had my back when she gets challenging.”
“Good job setting your boundaries with MIL, you did a good job advocating for yourself. On the back end, your fiancé absolutely should have informed her that behavior is unacceptable.”
“It isn’t okay for him to dismiss her behavior or your feelings about it. It isn’t your job to manage his mother, it’s his and he d*mn well needs to step up to the plate.” – ZealousidealRead98
“NTA – it’s your wedding, not hers, and you weren’t cruel about it. She can come along on the journey but her role is support and that’s it.”
“How would she like it if you joined her shopping for her MOTG dress and you sh*t on all of her dress choices….” – Zephenna
“NTA. You’re the one getting married here. You’re not selfish for wanting to choose your own d*mn dress.”
“Her “only chance to live this” happened already when she was the bride and got to choose her own dress.”
“This time she got the MIL experience, which was to come along for moral support but leave the selection of the dress to the one who will actually be wearing the dress- the bride.”
“Also, established your boundaries with MIL now or this kind of overbearing behavior will continue forever.” – passthebluberries
“NTA.”
“You just got a sneak peek of who’s actually going to be in running your life once married, MIL.”
“My EX husband was the same way.” – DogsDontWearPantss
“NTA.”
“You are getting married, you are wearing the dress, so the decision is entirely yours to make. Good on you for standing your ground.”
“I’ve heard of way too many brides giving up the dress of their dreams because of another person’s opinion.” – Fun-Independence-282
“NTA”
“Your MIL fundamentally misunderstood the situation and what it meant to “experience” all of this, and your fiancé is enabling her nonsense, which doesn’t actually do her any favours and won’t make her feel better; it’s actually going to make her feel worse.”
“The problem is that she seems to have had the idea in her head of you as a bride doll for her to dress up.”
“That she was going to play fairy godmother and help turn you into a magical princess bride for her beautiful boy.”
“And that is a lovely daydream, but that’s all it is, because you were never her Bridal Barbie.”
“You are a human being. A whole person, with feelings and a lifetime of experiences, excited for your wedding.”
“And HER excitement about this “experience” should have been about experiencing all of this ALONGSIDE you, as you make these choice for yourself…”
“…(and yes, perhaps even hear some of her opinions politely) on the journey to becoming a part of her family (and her son becoming a part of yours).”
“She was meant to be happy to be present and welcomed to be your company as you took these very exciting steps towards your wedding, to share your excitement.”
“This was not meant to be “her party” as it were . . . but for her to be a guest at yours.”
“I would sit your fiancé down, if I were you, and gently present it to him this way:”
“That it’s not about wanting to ruin his mother’s excitement, but that you’re concerned that she was maybe so excited that she forgot that she was the much-loved GUEST in this experience and not the director of the show.”
“That you very much want her to be a part of your journey, but that you’re sad that she can’t be excited for you as a bride and her future daughter-in-law as much as for herself.”
“She had her wedding . . . it would mean so much to you if she could now support you in having yours.”
“No matter how this goes, though, you are NTA.” – Sorry_I_Guess
There’s a difference between being supportive and living vicariously.