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Mom Balks After ‘Overweight’ DIL Blames Her For Her Weight Gain While Living In Her Home

Portrait of Caucasian woman holding baked cookies

Why do people ask questions that no one ever really wants an answer to?

So many people put themselves and others in so awkward positions by inquiring about touchy personal subjects.

Then, when people don’t get the answer they want, it causes serious drama.

There are just some topics that need not be broached!

Case in point…

Redditor Agile-Satisfaction75 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for telling my D[aughter] I[n] L[aw] she eats much more than me so of course she is bigger?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I’m so tired. My son and my DIL are staying with me to save money.”

“I cook, and we have a serve-yourself policy.”

“The thing is, she will eat a lot more than me.”

“For example, I made chicken, I would eat only one chicken breast, and she would have three.”

“Basically, she eats a lot more than me, and I don’t substitute for lower-calorie stuff.”

“I’m not going to use skim milk instead of cream, for example.”

“She is overweight and has been going on about how it doesn’t make sense that I am much smaller.”

“I asked if she was joking, and she confirmed that she didn’t understand why she was gaining weight.”

“I told her that she eats a lot more than me, so of course she is bigger.”

“This started an argument about how I was shaming her and not being a good host.”

“My son wants me to apologize, but I find it ridiculous, and this is common sense.”

The OP was left to wonder:

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“Yes, OP probably could have phrased it better (but I think the lion’s share of that one rests with DIL – don’t fish for compliments with dynamite).”

“The rest is that DIL feels embarrassed and insecure, but instead of expressing that she needs gentler communication about these topics because she has her own issues, she’s trying to punch the world back into her rosy view before the glasses were knocked off.”

“Making OP state, she was wrong and is sorry does nothing to teach DIL to self-soothe/learn to properly communicate/avoid sensitive topics herself to avoid this, to begin with.”

“What a stupid argument, doubly so as they’re biting the hand that feeds 3x.” ~ Additional-Try-8313

“Well, firstly, I’m in the camp that OP doesn’t have to apologize.”

“But I just want to point out that no one is saying OP needs to say she’s wrong… just apologize for the fact that she had hurt her feelings.”

“But I am a petty AH.”

“People seem also to be missing the fact that daughter-in-law offends OP first.”

“OP is clearly conscious about her portions.”

“To have someone in front of you shovel down three entire chicken breasts and then squawk at you about how you guys should be the same?”

“That’s offensive, too.”

“I’d have answered back probably a lot harsher.”

“But that’s where I say I know I’m an AH, so what’s my opinion really worth here? You know, lol.” ~ BraveShowerSlowGower

“INFO… do you like your DIL?”

“On the surface, pointing out the obvious doesn’t seem like it should be cause for concern, but you sound like you don’t like her, and it’s often not what we say but how we say it.”

“There’s a nice way to say it, ‘Hmm, I’ve noticed you have big portions, could that be contributing?’ and a mean way, ‘LOL, are you serious?? It’s obviously because you eat like five times more than me. No wonder you’re ballooning up. How do you not see that??'”

“I don’t know which you did, but the fact you don’t want to apologize for hurting her feelings isn’t a good sign.”

“Also, consider that people (especially those who are overweight+) are really, really bad at gauging how much they eat.”

“Her mind probably has her jumping through all sorts of hoops. ‘Well, I ate a little bit more at dinner, but it’s just chicken, plus I saw OP eat a small snack earlier, so it definitely evens out.'”

“She probably has no idea how much she’s actually eating.” ~ Right_Count

OP responded…

“I like her in general. We aren’t besties but have been good for a long time.”

“I don’t want to apologize since I don’t think I did anything wrong.”

“It’s literally just a fact.”

“I had to make adjustments to how much I make so everyone has enough food.”

“That’s just how it is.”

Reddit continued…

“For many years, I had lifted weights and did cardio regularly, and as a result, I’ve always been pretty fit.”

“Years ago I worked with a group of women that seemed to always be on a diet that just wasn’t working because they ate too much and didn’t count the calories that they drank.”

“A LOT of calories.”

“At the time, I was preparing for a bodybuilding competition, and the comments on my body and what I was eating were endless.”

“I finally got sick of it and said, ‘That’s enough about me. Would you like to talk about your body and what YOU eat?'”

“She did not. That was the end of that.”

“Fat shaming is not ok, but neither is skinny shaming.”

“It’s harassment, and it’s bull**it. OP is NTA.”

“DIL needs to knock that s**t off.”

“She’s saving money by living with OP and eating large portions for free.”

“I think they all need to have a family meeting and clear this up for the sake of peace in the household.” ~ weezulusmaximus

“This is probably going to be an unpopular opinion (on Reddit specifically), but this is what is creating an extremely fragile and sensitive generation that will not be able to handle the realities of the real world.”

“If you ask someone why you’re gaining weight but they aren’t, and they respond with ‘Well, you eat a lot more than I do,’ there is zero reason you should be upset and demand an apology.”

“That is absolutely absurd.”

“Similar situation: you ask someone why they are so good at math compared to you, and they respond with, ‘Well, I went to school for engineering, and you went for psychology. I focused a bit more on math than you do.'”

“Do you think it’s fair to demand an apology for feeling like the other person belittled your education or made you feel stupid?”

“We cannot encourage mental illness.”

“She might have an eating disorder.”

“OP can definitely help by providing support for it.”

“Nevertheless, you can’t expect OP to tip-toe around DIL forever because she might not like hearing the truth, especially when it isn’t said aggressively.”

“All of this would be different if DIL was complaining about weight and OP brought up the response out of nowhere.”

“The DIL asked SPECIFICALLY about why she’s heavier than OP, to OP.”

“A direct comparison.”

“OP is NTA.” ~ Silverback-Guerilla

“But if someone asks over and over why they are gaining weight and using you as a direct example, then you’re reaction to a factual answer to a question you are literally asking isn’t on anyone but you.”

“Weight is a very touchy subject, and calling someone a beached whale is never going to be a productive statement, but we need to stop trying to bend the truth to suit people’s feelings.”

“If you eat 2000 calories for dinner and you’re not burning it off, of course, the vast huge majority of people will gain weight; that’s not an insult; that’s simple maths.”

“2000 In versus, let’s say 1000 burned, that’s a surplus of 1000, not an attack on you.”

“If DIL wants to live there, have OP cook and eat three times as much, and then demand to know why OP is skinnier.”

“Then she needs to take this situation by the horns and deal with some aspect herself to change the unwanted outcome rather than get upset that she doesn’t like reality.”

“I personally think that if you’re uncertain with people and food issues, just no one cooks for anyone else with issues in that situation.”

“If you want only full fat and they don’t, it’s not going to work.”

“Same as vegetarian, etc.” ~ Elegant_Cup23

“NTA. Absolutely do NOT apologize.”

“Why is the onus on you to ‘keep the relationship good’ by apologizing for pointing out a simple fact?”

“Why is nobody here saying that DIL should grow up, stop being so frail, and realize that it was simply a fact being pointed out?”

“In fact, DIL should apologize for needlessly throwing a tantrum while she is A GUEST that gets a CHEF!!”

“Then complains about not being a good host?”

“How about DIL gets her s**t together so she doesn’t need ‘a good host?’ Unbelievable.”

“Absolutely do not let these people on Reddit talk you into enabling this spoiled brat.” ~ Ok_Pomegranate5606

“What a horrible habit to get into.”

“DIL started the conversation.”

“M[other] I[n] L[aw] gave her a factual, un-offensive answer.”

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.”

“If OP called her a fat pig after saying she ate way more, then she would be obliged to apologize for the name-calling.”

“That didn’t happen, so no apology.”

“People like her DIL are professional victims.” ~ cawkstrangla

“Being rude and being right are not mutually exclusive.”

“You may have pointed out a fact, but you don’t have to be nasty about it.”

“Soft YTA. Don’t let this be the hill you die on.” ~ smileystarfish

“Not being a good host?”

“They live at your place, and you cook for them.”

“And she just didn’t like the answer to her own question. Don’t ask if you will be butthurt about it.”  ~ Chrol18

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

You’re doing the cooking and spending the money.

You can’t serve everyone’s nutritional whim as you’re being generous enough.

You answered the question honestly and without malice.

Hopefully, this will come to a peaceful resolution…

Or perhaps DIL could start to cook some of her own meals?