A mother of two whose husband tragically died has moved on and recently remarried.
Her new husband agreed to move into the house she formerly occupied with her late husband, but the transition wasn’t easy.
When she responded to a situation involving an in-law that resulted in drama, she turned to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment.
Redditor This-Veterinarian435 asked:
“AITA for kicking my former MIL from my house?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I am 35 newly wed to a 37 M[ale]. I have 2 kids from a previous marriage.”
“My past husband, let’s call him Sid, died 2 years ago in a fatal car accident; however, before dying, he changed our marital house to my name.”
“Long story short, our relationship at that time was hitting rock bottom because of finding out that he cheated on me multiple times and lying about work trips only to find out he was spending nights with his mistress, so I was done and wanted a divorce.”
“But he came back begging for me to stay and promised to change so I told him I’ll only stay with him if he legally rights our martial house in my name.”
“He agreed and actually did change it and that happened 6 years ago.”
“The 4 years before his sudden death he truly did get better and god knows that I forgive him with my whole heart and Im not stating what he did in the past out of bitterness, Im just stating to explain how the house became my property.”
Cutting to the present, the OP continued:
“My new husband I met at work and last September and we got married 3 months ago. He’s very good to my kids and very respectful of Sid’s memory and knows that the house is mine.”
“I refused to leave the house so he agreed to move in. The problem now is Sid’s mom. For the past 2 years she has been visiting regularly and I had no problem because I did understand that’s her grandkids.”
“However, since I got married and even before because my husband moved in before marriage, she still visited us and even stayed for the night. I tried bringing it up to her to that Im now a married woman that is entitled to privacy and so does my husband however she brushed me off.”
The situation did not seem to improve.
“Last week though she visited, without informing, saying she’ll stay tonight. I’ve honestly had enough I told her kids be having an exam tomorrow and we are not ready for visitors tonight I’ll call her when we’re okay with having a visit.”
“She didn’t budge and we started fighting she insulted my husband saying he’s living on another man’s property I talked back saying that this is my rightful property that I earned after enduring lots of sh*t for years and that’s was between me and Sid.”
“I threatened to call the police if she didn’t leave so she left. Now Sid’s sister called saying Im cruel for kicking my former MIL [mother-in-law] out and that I do not deserve to have this house and Im separating a grandmother from her grandkids (even tho I said many times that we can visit her at her house and that Im okay with her visiting but not every 2 days)”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA in the slightest.”
“Regardless of any context about past relationships, in every context when a relative ‘declares’ they’re staying in the house no matter what you think, the answer is ‘No you don’t, and you don’t step foot back in this house until you acknowledge whose house it is, whose kids they are, who gets to set the rules, and apologize.'”
‘Now Sid’s sister called saying I’m cruel for kicking my former MIL out and that I do not deserve to have this house.’
“Great, now you know you don’t need to take her calls anymore. One more problem you don’t have to deal with.”
“Focus on you and your family. You don’t need bitter people making your life harder by being entitled.” – Irish_Whiskey
“NTA. Doesn’t matter how the house became yours; it is yours. Your MIL is not entitled to invite herself to stay anytime. You are not ‘separating her’ from her grandkids, you are just asking for a normal amount of consideration from visiting family.” – ParsimoniousSald
“It’s fascinating to me how ‘Call first so we can arrange a mutually beneficial time’ can be translated to ‘separating from her grandchildren.’”
“Just no. Nope. No. No no.”
“And now she has to dig herself out of the hole she just made by disrespecting you and your husband so thoroughly … to the point of having to threaten police to get her to leave.”
“NTA. Stand your ground.” – WhizzoButterBoy
“NTA, keep to your boundary of not allowing visits without a call first to see if it suits your schedule. SIL is only taking mom’s side because if MIL is bothering you and her brother, MIL isn’t at her house bothering her.” – becoming_maxine
“That house would be exclusively yours after your ex-husband’s death, regardless of whether he had signed it over to you previously. Legally, morally, and spiritually, a married couple’s property equally belongs to both of them. That house was always yours as long as you and Sid were married. Your former in-laws have no legs to stand on and never have. NTA.” – Chickeybokbok87
“NTA. You set a boundary and followed through with it. Even if you guys were on the BEST of terms, just showing up whenever she wants and expecting to stay the night is freaking cringe worthy. Hold your ground and die on this hill.” – duckoffthanks
“NTA you have every right to set boundaries and enforce them!!”
“That said, it may be that she is still grieving her son, and being with her grandkids makes her feel close to him, and now there is an ‘interloper’ living the life her son should have had (not trying to be mean, just thinking what might be going on in her head). Don’t know your or her circumstances, but grief therapy may be a good idea for her if this is the case.”
“It still does not excuse her from overstepping your boundaries, though. It seems to me that you have been very understanding and nice to her, but at some point, you need to put your foot down for you and your family.”
“Good luck!” – doozy_doodle_321
“NTA- it is your home. MIL can’t respect you or your husband she is no longer welcome in your home ever. You can set plans for her to meet the grandchildren and that’s it.”
“Communication between Sid’s sister could also end. Your house, your family your rules they either accept them or have no contact. You do not need to justify anything to Sid’s family.” – Honeybee-18
“NTA, it’s your house, so you decide when to invite who. Maybe try to be understanding that there are lots of emotions attached to it, though it sounds like you already are pretty understanding.” – xRocktaz
“NTA – It’s like a friggan invasion. She can call or text and ASK PERMISSION to visit, like a normal person. And how far does she live that she demands to stay the night??? No. Give her the names of some nearby inexpensive motels for her pre-approved visits.”
“This woman needs to learn what boundaries are. And the sister needs to stop enabling this stupidity – she is only helping to cause more strife between everyone.”
“It is not cruel to have (and enforce) simple, realistic boundaries. And the massive jealousy that you have the house (that it feels like they thought should have gone to THEM??? Because who else would get it if he died – HIS WIFE WOULD, by law!) is ridiculous.” – C_Alex_author
“Even if the house had been solely in her late husband’s name, unless there was a will that specifically bequeathed it to someone else, it probably would have still gone to OP as the surviving spouse.”
“It would have taken a fairly deliberate set of choices on the late husband’s part for MIL or SIL to have any claim to the property. Choices that he did not make. Not only that, but that he made in the opposite direction, to specifically invest full ownership in OP.”
“But the whole house thing is a strawman argument on the former MIL part, really.”
“This is really about OP continuing to move forward in her life, instead of being frozen in time by her husband’s passing. That and MIL needing to accept that life goes on.”
“OP is NTA.” – hard_tyrant_dinosaur
Overall, Redditors agreed that it was fair for the OP to set boundaries with her MIL and that doing so did not indicate she was trying to form a wedge between her children and their grandmother.
Hopefully, they will be able to sort this out and move on before the relationship is strained further.