Having people in your family with very different beliefs than you nearly always results in drama eventually. For a woman on Reddit, things came to verbal blows with her fiancé’s very conservative, Christian cousin began bashing her parenting choices.
She wasn’t sure about how she handled the conflict, so she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by MiddleMathMama on the site, asked:
“AITA for telling my fiancé’s cousin that she’s the most judgmental mom I know?”
She explained:
“My fiancé has a cousin, Tiffany, that became a first time mom about a month ago. Her and her husband got married because she became pregnant. They’re honestly a cute couple and I see nothing wrong with getting pregnant before marriage. She however is a Christian, and so is most of my fiancé’s family, so their situation was kind of a rushed matter.”
“My fiancé and I also have a 1 YO daughter and we’re engaged before we got pregnant but life happens, you know? We’re not in a rush to get married. The only people in my fiancé’s family who have a problem with this is Tiffany and her immediate family (my fiancé’s aunt, uncle, and other cousin).”
“Tiffany is the type of person to post her beliefs all of Facebook. Before she was a mom it was mostly judgmental religious or political posts. Since she got pregnant she has taken every opportunity to post about her parenting style and why it’s the only correct way.”
“She doesn’t call anyone out specifically, but will conveniently find articles that support her parenting style and add her own two cents which is always her bashing on moms who do anything different.”
“The other day the Tiffany and family come over to my Fiancé’s parent’s house while we were also visiting. At one point the rest of the family goes outside but I stayed in to get my daughter calmed before her nap and Tiffany is nursing her baby. She gets out her nursing cover and begins hating on moms who nurse in front of other people without one (which I did).”
“This some how turns into a rant about parenting choices she disagrees with. Moms who sleep train are cruel (I sleep trained), moms who let sons wear makeup is abuse (fiancé’s 3yo nephew was there wearing nail polish), parents who keep their babies away from unvaxxed people are stupid sheep (FSIL and I both don’t let her unvaxxed family hold our babies), the list goes on.”
“Throughout this whole ordeal, I was silent. She finally looks at me and says ‘don’t you agree?’ with a slight smirk on her face. Now I could have ignored the bait but I took the opportunity to say ‘Frankly no I don’t. I parent the way I see fit and let other parents do the same. Being a mom is hard enough without other moms tearing you down. You’ve only been a mother for a month and you’re already the most judgmental mom I know.'”
“And then I left to put my daughter to sleep. By the time I’m done she and her family are gone. My fiancé’s family all ask me what happened. They said they agree with me but I should have held my tongue. My fiancé thinks it was necessary.”
“Later, she posted a nasty Facebook status about me without saying my name and her family were bashing me in the comments. I don’t really care and feel justified about what I said. I might be the asshole because I could have been the bigger person and not have caused unnecessary family drama.”
People on Reddit were then asked to evaluate who was in the wrong in this conflict based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And pretty much everyone thought OP was well within her rights to say what she said.
“NTA Princess needs to take it down a notch, after all she was tempted by Satan and road a horse bareback. I can tolerate the odd holier than thou person but not someone who has living proof she road bareback against her religious principles. Tiffany is a hypocrite, all you did was point it out, politely.” —highwoodshady
“I think this is largely why she’s so judgmental. She’s ashamed and trying to hide the fact that she’s only married because she got pregnant.”
“If OP is stuck alone with her again and she does this, I would look very concerned and ask, ‘You seem really unhappy. Are you okay?'”
“NTA btw. Anti vaxxers can eff all the way off with their self righteous stupidity.” —Wooster182
“NTA. You were actually really polite in your delivery from the sounds of it, which is way better than I think most people would react. She sounds like she’s insecure about her own parenting skills and choices, and self validates by putting down others. You’re doing a great job, continue doing what you’re doing, and don’t stoop to her level. She’s desperate for that.” —grindelwaldd
“NTA.”
“Posts like these always remind me that this sub is ‘Am I the A-Hole,’ not ‘Did I make the absolutely best decision.'”
“While I’m sure this sub will agree that you’re NTA, don’t let anyone convince you that you’re the AH for standing up for yourself and not letting that nightmare’s big mouth just run over you. Did you create some drama? Yeah sure. Does that make you an AH? Not at all.”
“Kudos. You sound like the kind of even keel person that’ll raise a cool kid.” —Cloud_King_15
“NTA. And you were 100% correct. Dont sit there and let people bash u and the ones you love. Good on you for standing up for u and ur nephew. Religion is not an excuse to be a dick!!” —breesreviews
“NTA she asked for your opinion and got it. You didn’t ask for her opinion and got it anyway. Btw there’s this handy feature on fb where you can post only to your friends but exclude certain people in your friends list. And mute certain people as well.”
“Some people are just not worth getting stressed over.” —_SeleNyx_
Hopefully OP’s straight talk will ward off conflict in the future.