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Mom Called ‘Heartless’ For Refusing To Drive Teen Daughter To Cheating Ex-Husband’s Wedding

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Marriage and divorce and remarriage.

That can be a whole lot of drama.

When a family breaks up, it is never easy.

It’s especially difficult when there is lingering heartache.

Case in point…

Redditor southerngallyl wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for refusing to take my daughter to my ex husband’s wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My (42 F[emale]) ex husband (45 M[ale]) and I were together for 20 years.”

“We had a beautiful daughter together, Joceline (14 F).”

“We got a divorce 5 years ago due to infidelity on his part.”

“I was devastated.”

“He was the love of my life and he betrayed all of the trust and loyalty we had built up.”

“To make matters worse, he ended up in a relationship with the woman he cheated on me with.”

“They got engaged one year later and are set to be married in two weeks.”

“Honestly, I still am heartbroken over my divorce.”

“It’s hurtful to me that we were together for 20 years, and he could just go fall in love with someone else, as if I was nothing.”

“However, Joceline was only 9 when we divorced, and he’s a great father so I would never want to come in between their bond.”

“Joceline loves his fiancée as she’s very sweet to her, but she doesn’t know the reason why her dad and I divorced.”

“I want to tell her when she’s a bit older and he doesn’t want to tell her at all.”

“Anyways, I compromised with him that Joceline could come to the wedding.”

“But that he would have to provide the transportation to and from the wedding.”

“As I want no part of it.”

“I don’t want to drop my daughter off at his wedding.”

“I don’t want to see all the decorations and the happy guests, it’d just be too much for me.”

“I didn’t tell him all of that obviously, but he agreed.”

“Today he calls me and asks if he can ask for a huge favor.”

“It turns out that his future in laws are flying in the morning of the wedding, and he has to go pick them up, therefore he can’t pick up my daughter the day of and wanted to ask if I could take her.”

“I said absolutely not and asked why he can’t pick her up the day before when she gets off of school.”

“He said he doesn’t want to make the drive twice, and that he will likely not have time as he has to prepare for the rehearsal dinner.”

“I asked why can’t the bride pick up her parents.”

“He said she’ll be getting her hair done and won’t be able to.”

“I laughed and told him there was no way I’d take my daughter, and that he’d have to figure it out.”

“Boy why did I say that.”

“My daughter ran downstairs crying, face beet red 10 minutes after my conversation with her dad, calling me terrible and accusing me of not wanting her to spend time with her dad.”

“I told her that’s not the case and she demanded to know why I couldn’t take her.”

“I couldn’t give her an answer and she ran upstairs crying.”

“Now I’m getting messages from his family calling me ‘heartless’ and ‘cold’ and a ‘*itch for trying to ‘ruin his special day over a relationship that is long over.'”

“My family understands my point of view.”

“But I feel terrible that I’ve upset my daughter.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Should I just put aside my feelings and take her?”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA… but I also think your daughter is old enough to know the truth about her father otherwise you will be the bad guy going forward.”  ~ runningaway67907

“Seriously. They didn’t know until the day before the wedding what time and day the bride’s parents were flying in?”

“And if the parents plans were so last minute, then they can figure out how to get from the airport to the wedding.”

“Also… now I’m thinking… why aren’t the bride’s parents coming in the day before?”

“They’re not going to the rehearsal dinner?”  ~ Charliesmum97

“My guess is he did know for a long time that the bride’s parents would arrive the day before and it would clash with him picking up the daughter.”

“But he waiting til last minute to tell OP so it became her problem.” ~ CaptainZitchdog4463

“OP, you’re letting ex ruin your relationship between you and your daughter.”

“I don’t think he does it on purpose, but it is really convenient to him.”

“Moms are allowed to have feelings, too.”

“And it’s good for a kid to see a mother standing up for herself and handling her feelings with honesty and grace.”

“Don’t force her to believe that her mother puts her selfish a** before her daughter.”

“That doesn’t only hurt, but also affects a kids adult life and creates trust issues.”

“Tell her, that you love her and will never get between her and her dad.”

“Tell her, that even though, you’re still hurt and this would be too much for you to take.”

“Explain, that people can be more than just plain bad or good.”

“Your ex was a bad husband, but a great father.”

“Reassure her, that her feelings are valid but that she’ll never have to pick sides.”

“And then, apologize to her for letting her in dark for so long.”

“This matter affected her life, too.”

“She deserves the truth.”

“NTA, but talk to her.”  ~ Snackgirl_Currywurst

“This exactly!!!!!! I wish my mom had done this.”

“But now at 40, she’s gone and I’m left with so many questions, confusing stories and I’m just so damn lost.”

“OP tell her.”

“Also, that’s not a good dad to pit a child against her mom, rub mistress in mom’s face, and marry her.”

“Make kid have a relationship with her built on lies.”

“We need to stop allowing men to just be bare bones to be considered a good dad.”

“Had YOU done this people would call you a bad mom.”

“So would he. Screw him.”

‘He’s messing with you both. Gross. NTA.”  ~ Mumof3gbb

“Exactly. A good dad would say sorry I can’t get the in-laws I need to go get my daughter.”

“A good dad would have wanted her with him in the lead up to the wedding.”

“A good dad would figure his crap out before telling his daughter it’s mom’s fault.”

“This isn’t actually a good dad.”

“The daughter of a good dad is secure in her dad’s love and knows she’s important enough to him that nothing can come between them. NTA.”  ~ ReactionEuphoric5362

“Even in the 21st century, not everywhere has Uber… Dad and new wife are the ones having to fix this and mom is definitely NTA.”

“But Uber may not be an option where they are.”

“And I don’t understand the mental gymnastics.”

“They had an agreement.”

“He breaks it, but she’s the AH according to the family?”

“He can’t to come get his own daughter for his wedding, but mom is the bad guy?”

“Seriously twisted logic there.”  ~ MCKillerBunny

“NTA. She’s 14 so she’s most likely going to want to start dating in a year or so.”

“Best to tell her the truth so that she can learn how to be a strong woman that respects her self.”

“Also it’s not helping her by hide what awful people her cheating father and his home wrecking fiancé are.”  ~ Relevant_Juice_5375

“This. I found out my father had an affair accidentally after idolizing him and letting him control much of my life for years and it was devastating.”

“I wish my mother would’ve told me herself so instead of vilifying her because I was too young to understand without being told, that we could’ve healed together.”

“My relationship with my dad is fine now but my mom is my best friend and my rock.” ~ Medium-armadillos

“NTA, but 14 is old enough to understand cheating.”

“I would tell darling daughter that while I love her and I love that she has a good relationship with her dad and her future stepmom.”

“I can’t handle seeing their wedding when they started dating while dad and I were still married.”

“Then I would ask her if she has any ideas as to how she can be at the wedding without me having to see it.”

“Sometimes teenagers are incredible out of the box thinkers.”  ~ Scstxrn

“All of his relatives who are sending you hate messages.”

“Why can’t one of them take her?”

“Why can’t the future I[n] L’[aw]’s Uber from the airport?”

“You told your EX that transportation was his responsibility.”

“He claims to want your daughter there but he is putting literally everything and everyone ahead of her.”

“Then, he calls her right up to make it your fault.”

“Dude is an extreme AH. NTA.”  ~ Bitter-Conflict-4089

Well OP, Reddit understands your feelings.

You shouldn’t have to put yourself out there like that.

Hopefully this can all be resolved without your daughter’s or your feelings hurt any further.

Good luck.