Relationships between kids and parents can be very fragile.
It’s all intended to be close and perfect.
But that is not always the way.
Case in point…
Redditor Layzay374 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not buying clothes for my mother and leaving her at the store?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So my (18 F[emale]) mother (33 F) has a huge love for shopping.”
“Her closet is a burst of colors and it’s cute but it’s also troubling.”
“At least once a month, she’ll call me at the store and ask me to come and give her money.”
“I’d say no but it’s literally after she gave her stuff to the cashier and they ring up the cost.”
“She doesn’t bring money to the store.”
“She’ll wait in the front of the line or keep calling me until I come with the money for her.”
“Either that or she stays in the back of the line.”
“Anyway, she’ll blow up my phone.”
“I used to ignore her but one day she pulled this sh*t while I was at class and the police got involved.”
“Not security, the police (made a scene as usual then proceeded to leave saying her daughter aka me will pay).”
“I had to get leave and save her a** by paying.”
“It’s freaking annoying and I really don’t want her getting in any trouble with the police again.”
“And it caused a lot of tension in the house when she got back.”
“I didn’t mind paying after that because her totals are like 40ish.”
“But TODAY when she called me, her total was a fat 300 bucks.”
“She was at the front when I just entered.”
“She called me over to pay and the cashier said 306.”
“I told her to put the clothes back because that’s ridiculous.”
“She started a scene and I just left the store because I wasn’t in the mood to deal with that.”
“She came home mad obviously calling me hurtful things.”
“I’m a college student who relies on my part time job.”
“I have the money but not that much money.”
“AITA for not paying for her clothes and walking out?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. It’s entirely inappropriate that your shopping addicted mother take your money to feed her habit.”
“She wants new clothes she needs to pay for them.”
“ETA: Let her get in trouble with the police.”
“It might be the only way she learns.”
“Also: did I read the ages right, your mother had you when she was 15?” ~ Aunty_Fascist
“OP You Are NTA, and you need to get out of there ASAP!!”
“Inform your mother that the payments stop now.”
“You will no longer allow her to take food out of your mouth to pay for her spending habits.”
“Do so in writing and get it notarized.”
“You are not legally responsible for her, and have zero interest in becoming so.”
“From now on if she can’t or won’t pay for what she wants she must do without.”
“Keep a few notarized copies with you, for the next time the cops come to you.”
“When she starts blowing up your phone turn it off or temp block her number, or send an image of the paper telling her that you won’t cover her spending.” ~ Betrayed_Orphan
“Oh, OP – this is definitely not normal.”
“My advice: let your phone die and then claim that your phone died and you had no way of knowing she was trying to reach you.”
“You are 18 and in school.”
“She’s a grown a** woman who can buy her own s**t.” ~ sjyffl
“NTA. She is using you as her personal ATM machine.”
“Look up financial abuse.”
“Honestly, I think that next time, you should just let her face the police.”
“It sounds harsh, but she needs to learn that you do not exist to fuel her impulses.” ~ BlackCatLuna
“OBVIOUSLY NTA!!!”
“Your mom doesn’t have a love for shopping, she has an addiction.”
“Talk to your family, try to persuade her to see a therapist.”
“Stop paying for her clothes (whether it’s 20, 40 or 300 bucks).”
“She/The places where she shops can always put the clothes back if she can’t pay for them.” ~ 1st_of_July
“NTA. Stop playing her game. Don’t go.”
”Let the police deal with her, if necessary.”
“Certainly don’t leave school or work to buy her anything.”
“And if you’re busy and she’s calling, just turn off your phone.”
“Your mother is an adult and needs to start taking care of her own purchases.” ~ teresajs
“Why are you even putting up with any of this in the first place?”
“Even for just something in the 40 range?”
“NTA, but you ARE being TA to yourself.” ~ No-End3167
“Astonished this is the first comment saying that OP is the AH to themselves for continuing to allow this s**t.”
“That should have been a one-time occurrence, every time after that it’s ‘tough luck mom, bring your own damn money next time.'”
“Especially since it’s massively inconveniencing the people behind OP’s mom in line when she does this time and again.”
“Allowing that behavior to continue might in and of itself make this an ESH post.” ~ Jorgenstern8
“NTA. Your mom has an issue you can’t fix.”
“Don’t enable her.”
“Tell her very clearly that you won’t be coming to pay her shopping totals and then… DON’T!!”
“Turn off your phone and do not cave.” ~ lutheresque
“You need to go to Experian and the two other credit bureaus online.”
“You’ll need your social security number and you’ll need to set up passwords that you won’t forget!”
“See if someone has taken out credit cards or loans in your name.”
“If yes, print or screen shot this information.”
“Then ‘lock’ each credit bureau.”
“There will be instructions on the website on how you do this.”
“This will prevent anyone from using your personal info to secretly take out a credit card or loan in your name.”
“If there are credit cards or loans on your credit report, then respond back and folks here can figure out your next steps.”
“Because you may be legally required to pay debt on those loans or credit cards.” ~ where_are_the_bats
“NTA! But you know that already.”
“Your Mom has a serious problem and that is shopping.”
“She is looking for fullfilment in buying ‘stuff.'”
“She is looking for instant gratification.”
“You are enabling her actions every time you bail her out.”
“If you don’t want this to happen anymore, you need to stop paying period.”
“I would not come running every time she does this.”
“If you continue, you have no one to blame but yourself.”
“It is ok to say no to your Mom.”
“She is only saying hurtful things to you because she knows it will hurt you.”
“I would also let her know that you are not capitulating to her mean and childish behavior when she doesn’t get what she wants.”
“I would let her know that if this behavior continues it will come to a point that you will want to no longer be around her.”
“She is coming across like a bully by saying mean things to you.
“She is your Mom and should not be treating you this way.”
“But to be honest, you two seem more like sisters than mother and daughter due to the closeness in your ages.”
“Mom needs to grow up!” ~ Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
“NTA.”
“You have been reinforcing this behavior because she gets what she wants.”
“It will only get worse because it works.”
“When you stop (made a good first step) it will get worse before it gets better.”
“That’s called an extinction burst.”
“STAND YOUR GROUND.”
“You do not owe her.” ~ jinxdrain
“NTA. I’ll throw some unqualified Reddit psychoanalysis at you.”
“Your mother had you when she was very young herself.”
“It is common in these cases for mothers to see their teen/young adult daughters as a girlfriend/peer instead of their child.”
“And you end up having to be the responsible one.”
“You shouldn’t feel guilty and she needs to shop within her means.” ~ jsodano
“NTA She needs help!”
“And how did the police get involved was she trying to shoplift?”
“My uncle who really bad bipolar disorder would buy everything under the Sun bankrupted himself over it.”
“With that being said, buying like she is can be a sign of serious mental illness which sounds like this is the case with her.”
“And it is beyond unacceptable for her to take money from you like that.” ~ Narrow-Excitement-23
OP needed to add…
“Edit- I’ve never seen her wear these clothes before.”
“Not one. It’s always fancy dresses that no one is allowed to touch.”
OP… it maybe time to have a serious chat with mom.
You are not the parent.
And Reddit has you.
Keep smiling.