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Woman Livid After Boyfriend’s Mom Baselessly Claims She Slept With His Father Before Dating Him

Photo by Obie Fernandez/Unsplash

When you’re a parent, letting go can be the hardest job of all.

Eventually your kids will grow and have lives of their own.

They’ll make friends and find significant others

And when they do, there are ways to go about it, ways to not.

Case in point…

Redditor Specialist_Cancel761 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for banning MIL from my life after she said I slept w/FIL?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“So, for context. I met my M[other] I[n] L[aw] and F[ather] I[n] L[aw] before I met my b[oy]f[riend] because I used to work for them.”

“He happens to be autistic (Asperger’s).”

“And I noticed shortly after starting the relationship that everyone in his family always treated him like he was unable to do things on his own.”

“And pretty much tried to influence him into doing the things they wanted him to (career wise, job wise, quitting hobbies they considered childish, etc).”

“I told myself I would never do this, and I would always treat him like the adult he is.”‘

“So I encourage him to make his own decisions and I can tell he’s grown a lot in the past 5 years of relationship, in fact I feel we have both grown up.”

“Back to his mom, I always noticed she resented that I became such an important person for her son.”

“And that he started taking my opinion/input in matters so much in consideration, but I always tried to be friends with her, talked to her in her own terms and pretty much be close to her.”

“But as it usually happens, it became more a ‘pretend to be nice to your face and then trash talk about you behind your back’ kind of situation.”

“Things really went down when my bf let me borrow his car to go on a 4 day college trip and when she found out she went ballistic cause he never lends her the car to go anywhere.”

“She started screaming and saying that I was just a manipulative *itch who had slept with half our town before we met and even his father.”

“And because his father wouldn’t continue the relationship I started dating the son.”

“This is of course, a lie.”

“My bf had a big meltdown from hearing this and when I came back from the trip he asked me to move in with me for a while, because he didn’t want to be around her.”

“This was months ago.”

“I haven’t talked to her again, blocked her on every social media and started going to therapy.”

“My bf is ok now, and he is now on speaking terms with her.”

“Now we are moving to a house of our own (we were at my parents) and his family is pushing for us to have a good relationship with  my MIL again.”

“But to be quite honest I don’t want her in my life anymore.”

“I understand she’s my bf’s mom and she’s always going to be in the picture.”

“But I can’t get past the fact that she would say the things she said, knowing how much those things would hurt her son, just because he let ME borrow his car and not her, because he doesn’t trust her.”

“So obviously I’m still mad.”

“But everyone in my bf’s family says she’s a good mom.”

“That this was just a mistake she made, and that I should let it pass and fix things with her.”

“AITA for never ever wanting to talk to her again?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. Sounds like she’s jealous and threatened because you’re taking a huge part of her identity away (her autistic son).”

“She was heavily invested on keeping him helpless because it garnered her attention and sympathy and you’re showing everyone that he’s capable.”  ~ DarkAthena

“Congratulations on moving out soon.”

“I’m autistic and was in a similar boat to you for a long time.”

“In order to move out and find my own place, I basically had to plan everything in total secrecy.”

“I even packed most of my stuff in the middle of the night when they were sleeping just because I knew that they’d try to convince me not to leave, interrupt me, or possibly even sabotage me.”

“My family only realized I was truly moving out when I told them that the moving trucks would be arriving to pick up my stuff.”

“There ended up being a big fight, and I refused to talk to them until the trucks arrived and everything was packed up and ready to go.”

“As I was about to leave I simply told them that I was a adult, I had figured out how find a apartment, set up all my finances, worked with the realtor, landlord, and bank on my own, and I’d made sure everything was already taken care of, so obviously I could handle being independent.”

“I also told them that I didn’t need to have a relationship with people who were rude to me and didn’t believe in me.”

“I told them that if they wanted to have me in their life, they needed to learn how to treat me with respect, because people deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.”

“I told them that if they couldn’t have a healthy relationship with me, then I wasn’t interested in having any relationship with them, because no one deserves to be looked down on or abused.”

“Then I told them that they could think about their answer for as long as they wanted, but either way, I was leaving to make a good life for myself with my dog.”

“And I’d live a good life on my own, whether or not they were in it.”

“To my surprise, my mom actually apologized.”

“I think that it finally sunk in that she would truly lose her child if she didn’t treat me differently.”

“She asked what she could do, so I told her to get therapy to help change her behavior.”

“And reminded her that if she treated me poorly again, I was okay with not talking to her because all people deserve to be given with respect and kindness.”

“And I deserved that too.”

“In the end, I’m now living a good life.”

“It’s been 2 years since I moved into my apartment, and my mom is still in therapy and she’s made progress (although it was quite rocky for a while).”

“Things aren’t perfect between us, but they’re a lot better than they used to be.”

“We talk every so often on the phone to catch up, and she recently told me that she’s actually proud of how far I’ve come and how independent I’ve learned to be.”

“I think that some part her always doubted me because I’m on the spectrum, but after seeing me living on my own for 2 years and doing well.”

“She had to admit that I’m a capable adult.”  ~ Repossessedbatmobile

“My MIL is this way and it’s exhausting. Even with her adult kids.”

“My spouse has previously moved in with his parents because it was closer for a medical treatment he was receiving.”

“He came home after the 6 weeks and it was always like he forgot how to do dishes or laundry or cook.”

“She basically instilled in her 30-something son that he was incapable of everything, meanwhile he was able to do it at our home no problem.”

“And then when he was there it was a ‘I have to take care of my son. I need to pack a lunch bag full of snacks, and I need to do all of his laundry all the time. I have no time for taking care of myself.'” ~ ToePickPrincess

“This happens so often with parents and their autistic children.”

“The parent loves the feeling they get from taking care of their (grown up) child.”

“It makes them feel appreciated but what they don’t realise is this happens at the expense of the child.”

“And then when someone (OP in this scenario) comes in and helps the child become more independent (something that should be the parents’ goal) it makes them feel like they don’t matter.”

“And like they’re not needed anymore, which usually results in a lot of hostilities.”

“These situations are basically shit for everyone involved.”

“And of course OP is NTA.”  ~ floweringbirds

“NTA. Boy tough situation.”

“Does your BF support your position?”

“And props to you for seeing past his Asperger and treating like everyone should, as an adult!”  ~ MD7001

“NTA for not wanting a relationship with someone who is verbally and emotionally abusive.”

“Definitely discuss boundaries with the bf before moving into the house though.”

“Don’t want to come home from work one day to find bf and MIL having coffee at the kitchen table.”  ~ Emergency_Ad_5935

“NTA. Be tolerant for as long as your boyfriend is.”

“Maybe someday he will cut her off on his own, maybe she will bend his ear their whole life.”

“It’s sad but some people won’t cut toxicity out of their lives because they share blood.”

“I hope she doesn’t do anything like that to you again.”

“Also, are his mom and dad still together?”

“She just accused you of her husband stepping out on her and is just like, mad at you?”  ~ WTFrenchToast1

OP came back with a little more info…

“I use the terms MIL and FIL even though we’re not married because it’s easier to write and because it’s the literal translation to the words suegra/suegro in Spanish, my first language.”

Well no matter what she calls them OP has some issues to workout id she’s gonna stay in this family.

Reddit seems to strongly have her back.

Hopefully everyone can calm down and have a peaceful conversation about the future.

Keep us posted OP…