It’s so easy to hurt someone’s feelings.
And it’s incredibly easy NOT to.
Sometimes, people don’t realize they’re being cruel.
And that can cause others to lash out.
This is especially true when it comes to partners in love.
Nobody knows how to cut deeper than the person who holds your heart.
Case in point…
Redditor Big_Theory7747 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for commenting on my partner’s lack of a hairline when he keeps making comments about my weight?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“We had a daughter last year, and I’ve put on about 30 pounds.”
“Now, even though I’ve gained weight, I don’t think I’m fat.”
“My legs have just gotten thicker.”
‘Anyways, my husband keeps making comments saying that I haven’t stopped eating since I’ve gotten pregnant.”
“Yesterday, I was preparing a bottle for our daughter when he said, ‘Why don’t you move out the way, you don’t see you’re big?'”
“He tried to play it off after and said he was just talking about my butt.”
“It really hurt my feelings, so I said, ‘At least a fat person can lose weight, but your hair is never gonna grow back.”
“For context, he’s 27 but the front of his hair and the middle have thinned out a lot.”
“He’s very self-conscious about it to the point that he won’t leave the house without a hat, and he’ll turn back around if he realizes that he forgot to take it with him.”
“He’s been angry at me since I made the comment, but I felt like if he keeps talking about my weight, then I can talk about his hairline.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared everyone involved was the A**hole.
“It isn’t just about whether or not these comments are hurtful to OP.”
“They’re going to be internalized by her daughter and may cause serious issues with her body image, relationship with food, and relationships with others (as she is learning that this is an appropriate way for a woman to be treated by someone who purportedly loves her) later in life.”
“Marriage counseling, STAT.” ~ disgruntled-rabbit
“If it’s too hot, then get out of the kitchen.”
“Tell him that his remarks hurt your feelings; it doesn’t matter if he’s just joking.”
“If he doesn’t want you to slap back with something, he shouldn’t have remarked on your weight.”
“Note: Many men lose their hair.”
“There are a lot of sexy bald men and a lot of sexy thick women.”
“We need to stop making them insults.” ~ Darkling82
“I’m going to add to this: breastfeeding makes most people retain weight on their midsection.”
“No matter what you do, going to the gym won’t do much.”
“You are hungry no matter how mindful you try, and if you cut back on calories, your supply takes a dip.”
“I experimented with calorie intake from 1,800 my pre-pregnancy daily to 2,500 my breastfeeding minimum to 3,000 my maximum.”
“I worked our 5x a week but could not shake off the remaining 15 lbs.”
“I slowly weaned, and as my supply dipped, my appetite decreased, and weight loss happened.”
“It’s not instant, and unless you’re fully weaned, you still hold on to weight.”
“This is how most people are—those who lose weight over it aren’t the norm.”
“Post-partum is already so so hard on women, coupled that with motherhood and household management, having unsupportive partners who push your buttons is not at all helpful.”
“Is OP being petty? Absolutely.”
“Was it deserved? Sorry, yes.”
“There’s only so much you can take.”
“Post-partum weight gain isn’t easy to remove.”
“A lot of hormonal factors are in play.”
“It’s not going to be forever, yes, but all things considered, the husband should’ve been more understanding.”
“Maybe he should carry a baby full term and also feed it.” ~ dominiquetiu
“NTA. Speaking as someone who has had weight problems and has done the weight loss fight, losing weight isn’t as easy as a lot of people think it is.”
“And you just had a baby.”
“Your body is recovering from supporting two people.”
“Your husband needs to do less criticizing and more helping.”
“That said, also speaking as someone with very little hair, your comeback was perfect!”
“He needs to understand how hurtful his comments were and, if he is going to dish it out, he needs to be able to take it as well and, if he can’t, he needs to keep quiet.” ~ bamf1701
“NTA. Agree with this!”
“I hate people who can dish it out but can’t take it.”
“Oh, and suddenly, it wasn’t meant to be hurtful when they were being shi**y to you, BUT they sure can’t take even a SMIDGEN of what they dish out.”
“DO THIS EVERY TIME UNTIL HE LEARNS OR LEAVES!!”
“DO NOT TOLERATE THIS BEHAVIOR!!”
“I’d quit doing so many things for him, but I return what energy I receive.” ~ Bestheatherever
“ESH- Why are you two being so mean to each other?”
“INFO: Has he always been negative about your appearance, or is this something new?”
“You have a young child. You both sleep-deprived and snarly, maybe?”
“Whatever it is, you need to get to the bottom of it and stop sniping at each other.”
“It’s not fair to you or your daughter.” ~ HRProf2020
OP responded…
“No, he hasn’t always been like this.”
“Overall, he’s usually loving and not mean-spirited.”
“He just keeps making these little comments about my weight, even though he knows that I’m insecure about the weight gain and that I am actively trying to lose it.”
Reddit continued…
“OP, please listen to this.”
“We’ve had four kids and my wife put on weight every time.”
“She’s very petite, so even 10lbs would be noticeable on her… except I didn’t notice.”
“To me, she was just as beautiful (and hot) as always.”
“Only now that our youngest is almost ten and she’s the slimmest she’s ever been done I realize that she was a bit chunkier after the kids were born.”
“I’m the kind of guy that notices everything (well, almost), but I didn’t notice that, and it took looking at photos from each pregnancy to realize she had extra weight after each one.”
“My take on this is, if he really loved you, the extra weight – after pushing a whole actual human out of your hoohaa – wouldn’t make any difference at all.”
“The fact that he makes these snide remarks, knowing it upsets you, speaks volumes.”
“Because I know what it’s like to lose it when someone hones in on your weak spot, I’m going to go with NTA.” ~ gooderj
“Yes! Exactly! What if OP chooses not to care about the weight, thinking time spent with her family is more important than gym/diet time?”
“Is he going to jab her sore spot for years?”
“He’s proved his virility with a newborn daughter.”
“Does he need a ‘hot’ wife to prove that, too? Why is he focusing on the hair loss?”
“There’s an insecurity issue that needs to be spoken about along with the downright meanness.”
“I call NTA.” ~ likeablyweird
“NTA. He started it. You finished it. Don’t apologize.”
“His feelings are not more important than yours.”
“He’ll either realize how profoundly cruel he’s been to his wife, the woman he’s supposed to love, or he will double down.”
“In which case, you should probably reconsider if you want to be married to a man who thinks he can routinely insult and demean you.”
“And think long and hard about your daughter watching this dynamic, thinking that this is how SHE should be treated by her partner going forward.” ~ Cursd818
“JAH- justified a**hole. The comment from you was rude, but his comments are repetitive and thoroughly uncalled for.”
“Classic fragile masculinity–wants to dish it, but he can’t take it.”
“Your line made me laugh, by the way, because you are 100% correct.” ~ PomoWhat
“ESH (for this specific response alone; I feel there’s a lot more to this; see below).”
“Responding in kind was an AH move, but he absolutely deserved that.”
“But the bigger question is why is he demeaning your size when you are happy with your body as is, and the reason you have gained weight is because you made a literal person – his child, to be precise.”
“Has he done this with other stuff?” ~ Sloppypoopypoppy
“You had a baby 1 year ago. It’s not bloody easy dropping the weight.”
“It took me two years to lose it after having my wee boy.”
“And not once did my husband ever mention anything about my weight other than I was beautiful and didn’t need to lose anything.”
“Absolutely disgusting way to talk to his wife who just gave him a child NTA. He deserved the comeback.” ~ Independent-Tea8516
“ESH. Sounds like both partners might benefit from learning some communication skills.”
“Insulting someone and then passing it off as a joke is not funny.”
“Anyone who saw the Golden Globes got THAT lesson with the opening monologue.”
“Don’t start this in your marriage.”
“No one benefits. Learn to communicate. BOTH of you.”
“There is no reason to be hurtful, but it takes talking to EACH OTHER (not some social media platform) to make that change.”
“It really is worth it.” ~ WTH_JFG
OP came back for a moment…
“I see a lot of people in the comments asking if I gained the weight after the pregnancy.”
“It was during the pregnancy.”
“People are also saying I can control my weight and I should be going to the gym.”
“I do work out when I have the time.”
“Finding time to go to the gym is very different for a father than it is for a mother.”
“Yes, I know two wrongs don’t make a right, and when I calmed down, I realized I should’ve handled it in a better way.”
“Thanks for all the feedback.”
Well, OP, most of Reddit seems to be behind you.
It sounds like some therapy may be in order for both of you.
Situations like these can fester a lot of resentment and hurt feelings.
And then that could carry to your daughter.
Best to get it all out now.
Good luck.