Blending a family doesn’t come without its set of challenges. It is particularly complicated when money is a tension point.
Redditor throwawayberrio encountered this very issue with her husband. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for convincing my husband to only include our kids in his will?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained.
“My (43F) husband is in his seventies and has been suffering from a myriad of health problems. Meanwhile, our youngest child is 3 years old and we have a total of 5 kids ranging from 3 to 17.”
“He’s pretty much an absentee owner in his business now. His older three kids are in their thirties. They all decided not to go to college but all are employed right now.”
“I will be fine when my husband is gone because I know how to run his business and our homes are all paid for but I want my kids to be able to get the independent head start in life.”
“Where they can have their own money and spend or invest it in a way they liked.”
His relationship with his older kids is different.
“No offense, but his older kids already had their chance to decide what they want to do with their lives and I’m sure if the asked my husband he would have been able to help.”
“However every time his older three kids tried something they were adamant that their dad have nothing to do with it and they generally have a combative relationship with their dad.”
“After his latest health scare, I realized I had to bring up estate matters with my husband.”
So, they had an honest conversation.
“We sat down and talked and I said that overall if our kids were to split his assets 5 ways as opposed to 8 ways that would be more money for themselves and while it could never replace him if God forbid he wasn’t able to guide them into adulthood, it would be more beneficial to them than their siblings whose windows of exploration are gone.”
“My husband said he has always had a strained relationship with his kids and he’s been there enough throughout their childhood, trying to get them to value their education but they all ended up taking unstable paths and in the end, that was their doing.”
“More discussion followed but yesterday we sat down with his lawyers and had his will amended so that his older three kids get a very small lump sum (around $300), leaving our kids and myself as the primary beneficiaries.”
“My husband and I have been the most important people in each other’s lives and I’d do the same for him.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was the a**hole.
“I would say ageist but this sounds like a selfish thing to do. Like, what caused the strain?”
“Unless the kids are monsters I would want my husband’s kids looked after. That’s family.”
“OP and HER kids get all? And there’s no ulterior motive? I’m sorry OP but this sounds really selfish.”
“Besides my dying husband would leave me to pieces. Sorry if I sound holier than thou but in my opinion just let ur Husband decide his will. YTA.” ~ Happy-Investment
“Agreed. YTA. He already failed his older children and now they’re being cut out of the will.”
“Ironically, they’ll probably contest it so that all the money you think you’re taking from them will go to lawyers and you and your children will have to deal with years of toxicity.” ~ breadfruitbanana
Others shared their personal experiences.
“I’m in a similar situation although the age difference isn’t as much. When my fiancé and I met he had two, I had two and we had another together. They’re 30, 24, 13, 10, and 7. (The oldest two and youngest are biologically his).”
“We drew up a will and I fully expected my two bio that are his step kids to be excluded, because they’re not his…”
“His view? Nope. Uh uh. The portion allotted for the kids is split evenly 5 ways.”
“Treat all your kids the same or don’t pretend that you love them all the same. The audacity of asking ‘Am I an AH for benefitting at the expense of my stepchildren’.” ~ TerrifiedSquid
Many argued she might have other intentions.
“Now I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger but… I’m sure you can fill in the blank.”
“Let’s recap. You married a man way older than you. Had 5 children with him.”
“Now to put the final plan in place you’ve convinced him after he had made up his mind to split things evenly between all his children to just leave it all to you and your kids.”
“You belittle his other kids’ lives because who cares about them right? It’s all about making sure you get what you want. And the evil plan comes full circle.”
“Not gonna lie the tid bit you threw in about how you’d do the same for him made me giggle.” ~ Thick_Skin_5746
“Are you seriously asking?! HUGE YTA!”
“They are his kids… how do you think they feel he married someone so much younger that is now going to ‘run’ his business and only make sure you and your bio kids are taken care of.”
“I hope his kids sue you to oblivion and that their birthright of their dads business and a huge chunk of that money. You are the worst kind of person for doing this.” ~ Various_Assumption26
Some Redditors added that not everyone has the same aspirations in life.
“YTA. Should the younger ones get a bit more to cover college and their early years? Maybe.”
“But the older ones should still get something (and something more than the 300 that you’ve said) because just because they decided not to do college they still have other aspirations such as kids of their own (kids are very expensive), owning property or even just being able to see the world or having money for emergencies.”
“As someone in their 30s I find it shocking that you think all of our opportunities are over when we reach 30.”
“If your husband wanted to cut them out and he came up with the idea himself because the relationship is bad – that’s one thing. But it sounds like you have influenced and infiltrated here. His poor kids.” ~ Fantastic_Park
At the end of the day, it is her husband’s decision. But Reddit was pretty clear in their condemnation.