Parents and children don’t always have the perfect relationship.
What some parents feel owed is astounding.
Case in point…
Redditor SouthRanger7084 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for using my money won in a lawsuit on my college funds/expenses?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Context: I (20 Female) am going to school at a university. This is important for context.”
“My mom has not ever really supported the fact I wanted to go to a bigger school as she went to community college.”
“About 2 years ago I was in a car accident and I decided to sue the person responsible for the accident.”
“The damages were over $10K, medical bills over $30k).”
“My vehicle was beyond repair and insurance only offered me $1,500 after it was all said and done.”
“I tried everything and I am left with severe neck and back pain.”
“I also have trouble with strength in my arms and legs.”
“The driver drove drunk and hit me going at an unreasonable speed.”
“My car flipped over multiple times and I needed surgery after.”
“Recently, we went to court.”
“And although I only asked for $55K, the judge required him and his insurance company to pay $150K for damages, medical, and personal relief as well.”
“I just got the first part of the check on Monday and my mom insisted I give her the entire check ($25K) so she can have some spending money.”
“After I told her no and that I would be using it for college expenses as I still have three years left, she told me I am not responsible enough to handle it.”
“I explained I am meeting with an accountant on Friday and we are going to open up an account specifically for this.”
“And I won’t touch the money unless I absolutely need to.”
“She still didn’t like that and called me the a-hole for not giving her the check.”
“Her biggest reason after I talked to my grandma was ‘I gave her life. I’m entitled to something.'”
“I am really considering cutting off contact with my mom if she continues to behave this way because I want to better my future.”
“So AITA for this?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. One, you’re an adult.”
“Two, you were the injured party, not her.”
“Three, for someone who claims that you’re not responsible with money, she wants $25k for spending money.”
“Besides, if you give her any of that money, she’ll try to drain you dry.” ~ Kitsumekat
“Four, per your replies OP the guy’s insurance paid for all the past medical expenses.”
“So it’s not like it would be ‘paying her back or anything like that.”
“Five, you need to keep control of that money because there’s no telling how much you’re going to need it in the future.”
“Besides educational expenses, you’re almost certainly going to have complications stemming from this for the rest of your life.”
“Whether major or minor, which is almost certainly a factor in why the judgment was set so high.”
“The judge is trying to look out for your future.” ~ calliatom
“This very much!!!”
“Back problems NEVER go away or heal 100%.”
“My mom was hit by a drunk driver in 1984 when my older sister was 7, and the back of her seat got slammed by the giant microwave.”
“Her back problems are low-key but everlasting. It only gets worse with age.”
“NTA OP but scrimp every dime away you can and use it for your foundation, and not on cabana boys and rum for your mom.” ~ Throwawayhater3343
“I really want to emphasize reason number two.”
“The damages are to make you whole for the pain and suffering you endured and continue to endure.”
“For your diminished quality of life.”
“As a practical matter, money cannot really compensate for lost health, but still.”
“Your mother hasn’t lost a damn thing. She’s not entitled to a single penny.” ~ Publius246
“Exactly NTA!”
“If you wanna buy her a nice gift or take her to dinner for being a cool mom that’s up to you, but calling you an a** for handling this responsibly is not normal parenting behavior.”
“She wants to spend it on herself instead of your education.”
“My mom would’ve said that she’s concerned I would use the money too soon and that she’d prefer to be in the meeting with the accountant. Period.”
“She’d want to supervise my spending but not take it and that matters.” ~ Investigate_Love8699
“NTA. Your mother is a greedy a**hole.”
“I can’t imagine how much you have suffered as a result of the accident.”
“That is 100% your money. You are being smart by saving it for college.” ~ tatersprout
“Truth! Keep that money out of reach OP.”
“Don’t leave any checks or debit cards lying around.”
“You don’t ‘owe’ your mother for giving birth to you.”
“Everything she did was because she CHOSE to get preggers, CHOSE to raise you, and CHOSE to live the way she has.”
“Now she wants some spending money?”
“That reeks of irresponsibility.”
“Spending money as soon as you get it is the BEST way to ensure you never have any real money. NTA.” ~ kevwelch
“Yes, OP needs to make sure mom can’t back door her way to these funds.”
“Open a bank account somewhere mom doesn’t know about.”
“Keep future settlement checks private.”
“NTA go to school.” ~ Dennis_Ogre
“NTA, it’s your money to do what you want with.”
“The fact that you’re planning on using this money to fund your education shows a great deal of responsibility on your part.”
“If you’re living at home it may be time to think about moving out.” ~ Plane-Character-5932
OP gave some answers…
“Thankfully, I don’t live with her.”
“But I was smart in having the check sent to my job and they hand-delivered it to me in my office (work in a nursing home) so I got to receive it.”
“My legal residence is still her house. Unfortunately, I can’t get that fixed.”
“Mail carrier will have the checks until I work again and I gave them my number/schedule so it should only be brought when I’m there.”
Reddit continued…
“NTA. I’ve been in car accidents – thankfully not as serious as yours.”
“It is important to know that you will likely have health issues for the rest of your life – and need treatments down the line.”
“Therefore this money should be used towards your future – to invest.”
“Or for school so that you don’t have debt and won’t have loan payments in the future, so you can rest/get treatments later on.”
“It should be completely reserved for this.”
“If you start thinking/talking like this, it can communicate a boundary that it is not just ‘yours vs hers’ but for a specific future purpose.” ~ kg6396
“NTA, work on getting your legal address changed.”
“I don’t understand why you can’t get that fixed but good job having the check handed to you and you only.” ~ DubsAnd49ers
OP wanted us to know…
“My living situation is on a case-by-case basis.”
“Where I’m staying currently, I won’t be able to come back after I move to college.”
“I won’t be in the same dorm every year I’m in school either so I’m kinda couch hopping until I on my own can afford something.”
“I don’t want this money going towards an apartment or house. Just college expenses.”
“I can make enough to at least pay for groceries and about $200 of rent outside of my bills.”
I simply can’t afford a $750 rent payment every month which is what it would be in my college town.”
Reddit continued…
“NTA. You are an adult and aren’t required to give money to your parents.”
“It sounds like you are a responsible person considering you’re hiring an accountant and wanting to use the money for furthering your education.”
‘Your mother shouldn’t feel entitled to your money, especially for the reason she stated.” ~ Ragingangel13
“NTA, do NOT let her guilt you into giving her a dime.”
“You didn’t choose to be born and you don’t owe her anything for existing.”
“College is a much better investment than spending money anyway.”
“Stick to your guns and keep your greedy mother away from your money!” ~ coldgator
“Holy cow NTA!”
“I am so sorry you had to go through this!”
“You have no idea what future health problems you could face as a result of this accident!”
“You keep every penny. Your mom can pound sand!”
“I hope you have a great college experience!” ~ pfashby
OP…there are no words.
Though Reddit had plenty of thoughts.
This is a messy situation.
Good luck and good healing.