It’s true that when parents are in their first year of parenting, they’re going to run into situations they never expected.
More than likely they’ll have someone in their immediate circle who even accuses them of being too careful with their baby, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
But Redditor No_Buy_4881 didn’t think she had the typical kind of problem that many parents face with food, like raising a picky eater or navigating food allergies.
Rather, when her father-in-law showed an unusual interest in her breast milk, the Original Poster (OP) worried she had a very different obstacle on her hands than the average.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for calling FIL a pervert?”
The OP had concerns about breastfeeding around her father-in-law.
“I have a seven-month-old baby boy. I’m breastfeeding, but he is currently weaning.”
“I’m convinced that my Father-in-Law (FIL) is being weird about my breastfeeding and not in a ‘that makes me uncomfortable’ way.”
“I made the baby popsicles from my boob milk a few months ago, and I shared a picture of him trying them in a family group chat, with a caption that they were made from frozen breastmilk to help with his teething.”
“FIL replied that, ‘I’d love to try one of those,’ with a hearts as eyes emoji.”
“I said, ‘WTF (what the f**k), they’re made from breast milk.'”
“He said he didn’t notice that caption.”
The final straw was when the OP baked muffins for her baby.
“Today, I baked the baby some muffins. It’s a recipe that called for a half cup of breast milk, so I made them per recipe.”
“My FIL came over unannounced and said, ‘Oh yum, someone’s been baking.'”
“I told him, ‘Those muffins are for the baby. They’re just fruit, flour, and breast milk. I have a normal cake we can have instead.'”
“I then left the room to wash my hands, came back, and one of the muffins was missing.”
“I asked my husband and he had no idea, so I asked my FIL, and he said that he ate it.”
“I said that’s disgusting. I told him they were the babies and contained breast milk.”
“He doubled down and said it’s okay because ‘breast milk is vegan’ (note, no one in this story is vegan).”
“I told him he was a creepy pervert and to get the f**k out of my house.”
The family was rattled by the incident.
“My husband is baffled by the whole thing and was convinced it was a misunderstanding, even though I explicitly said they’re made with breast milk.”
“My FIL said I’m a d**k because I’d made loads of the muffins and the baby wouldn’t miss out.”
“Then my MIL was blowing up my phone until I asked her if she was really okay with FIL drinking milk that came directly from my breast, as I think she didn’t get the whole story.”
“My sisters say it’s f**king gross and that my FIL is a weirdo.”
“AITA for what I said?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were thoroughly grossed out by the father-in-law’s behavior.
“Breast milk is the only form of sustenance MADE expressly for human consumption. But that is not even the point; the point is he is fetishizing it, which is the creepy part, especially given his comment about the Popsicles. I highly doubt he ‘didn’t see the caption,’ given she told him NOT to eat the muffin and he did anyways.” – BeesandBeans69
“NTA, OP. He knew those muffins contained your breastmilk and were intended for your baby because you told him.”
“His kinks should not include you, your bodily fluids, or literally stealing breastmilk foods from his grandchild. I don’t even believe after this he didn’t know the Popsicles were breastmilk pops.”
“His comments and behavior are beyond inappropriate. You are his daughter-in-law (DIL). Kinks belong in the consensual adult realm, not being inappropriate with your DIL and pushing them on her.” – amagivictoria
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update about the family supporting her.
“I asked my husband what he thought I was mad about (he was in the room but on the other side and occupied with the baby), and he said he didn’t realize that his dad actually ate the muffin. He thought I was p**sed because he was messing with them.”
“He also didn’t remember the group chat incident but agreed that both incidents together are creepy.”
“I called my MIL to ‘clear the air,’ and she revealed that my FIL has always been ‘very interested’ in lactation and she actually only fed my husband for four months and always behind a locked door, AWAY from him!”
“Apparently he also moved jobs after a woman complained that he kept intruding on her pumping in a designated space in the office, too!”
“I’ve told them FIL is not welcome around me and have asked for the key to our house back.”
“I shared the concerns about him tampering with my milk (and contaminating it) and also that if his own wife wanted him locked out while breastfeeding, then I’m entitled to that, too.”
“The comment that hit my husband the hardest was the one about FIL getting off for years on the memory of eating the gross AF baby muffin.”
“My husband said he won’t be able to look FIL in the eye again after this.”
Reddit continued to weigh in with the added information.
“NTA. FIL clearly has a lactation fetish that has become an unhealthy addiction. Not to kink shame, but he obviously has demonstrated he lacks the self-control to respect other people’s boundaries. (The example of him having to leave his job due to him intentionally and repeatedly intruding on a coworker while she was pumping is a major red flag).”
“It’s one thing if his wife consented to breastfeed him in privacy, although I would be concerned about how much she was pressured into doing this, and if he was depleting her milk supply for their own baby… However, it’s completely different when he is blatantly stealing from other family members!”
“It would be totally different if he accidentally ate the muffin BEFORE you explained the ingredients. But he was warned and took what he wanted anyway, directly violating your consent.”
“You are completely within your right to enforce stricter boundaries since he has shown he cannot respect them.” – howdoyoulikemeownow
“I’m assuming the husband just doesn’t want to believe his dad is such a creep. Even if that’s the case, though, you’re definitely right. The husband should be furious, and it’s concerning he doesn’t believe/back his wife. Like, if it was just the muffin thing I can at least see him trying to tell himself there was a misunderstanding. Which, still, he should believe his wife.”
“Not to mention, based on the FIL’s response to being called out on taking a muffin, he obviously knew what he was doing. The fact he had his random vegan excuse ready just shows he came prepared to push back on being called out a second time. And, even if anyone here was vegan (as OP says no one is), this wouldn’t be vegan. She explicitly told him she did not want him to have the muffins/anything made with her breastmilk. Not only not giving consent, but explicitly denying it.”
“Add in the family chat, and there’s no denying the FIL’s creepiness. I just don’t see how the husband isn’t getting this, no matter how much he may not want it to be true. It’s not like the FIL missed the caption that the popsicle was made of breastmilk, and sent heart-eye emojis along with a message about how he’d ‘love’ to try that random popsicle. He wasn’t even subtle about being creepy. Based on that comment alone, if I was OP I wouldn’t want the FIL around (at the very least while I was alone).”
“And even if you removed the creep aspect of it, you don’t eat food that doesn’t belong to you if someone tells you not to. Especially baked/cooked, and even more so if it’s purposefully for the baby. And then you add in the breastmilk thing, where there’s a limited amount, and it can take a lot of effort and even pain to produce, and it’s that much more of an AH move (solely on the merits of eating the muffins).”
“OP is most definitely NTA. But the FIL is clearly an AH and a creep. The husband needs to get his sh*t together and handle his inappropriate dad so that OP doesn’t have to keep dealing with this.” – KWhiskers
Others pointed out that the OP had not given her father-in-law consent to eat the muffins.
“There’s nothing inherently wrong with an adult consuming breast milk, so to me, the two major issues are 1. that OP asked him not to eat the muffin and he did it anyway, and 2. the fact that he’s making his clear breast milk fetish OP’s problem.” – syrioforrealsies
“NTA. How hard is it to NOT eat boob milk muffins, dude?”
“The OP wrote, ‘FIL said I’m a d**k because I’d made loads and the baby wouldn’t miss out.'”
“This is… not the argument he thinks it is. Why is he tracking how much breastmilk you produce, and why does he think he still has the right to it? The entitlement is off the charts.” – crockofpot
“Even if these were totally normal muffins without breast milk and she said to him please do not eat these and then he ate one, he would be the a**hole. The added layer of obviously being fixated on her breast milk is just an extra ew gross yuck element to this situation.” – whale_and_beet
“Breast milk is a form of nutrition for the baby. It is designed for the infant (and actually changes in response to a growing infant’s needs, it’s amazing) and there is indeed nothing sexual about breastfeeding a baby.”
“A grown man seeking ‘nutrition’ from an unrelated young woman’s breasts, however, is absolutely sexualized.”
“As well as completely disregarding a clearly stated boundary. ‘Don’t touch my muffins,’ should be clear enough in this case.” – btn3nikki
“NTA, ain’t no way. Do not back down or be gaslit into believing otherwise.”
“Sure maybe he didn’t see the caption regarding the Popsicles, which not sure I believe given the context, but to knowingly then take a muffin after you told him they were for the baby and made using breast milk and even offering to make some normal muffins is beyond weird.”
“It’s not even a minor thing it’s quite obviously a pervy and creepy thing to do more so because he’s your FIL.”
“People have all sorts of kinks or fetish but that’s one thing between consenting adults and absolutely unacceptable when that person is the FIL. It definitely comes across as being a perverted or sexual thing in nature and is absolutely disgusting to essentially make you a part of that as a result of him doing what he did.”
“(Apologies if this makes you even more uncomfortable than you already are.)”
“I would be absolutely enraged if I was the husband in this scenario and could see why you’d also be absolutely infuriated as well.”
“You should absolutely put your foot down and make sure your husband and MIL understand why this is a problem and totally unacceptable. I’d hope your husband would already see why it’s a problem and be supporting you, but who knows.” – Fluffy-Committee-131
The subReddit was thoroughly creeped out by the OP’s father-in-law’s behavior and fixation on breast milk. It was clear that there was something more going on, and they agreed that if the mother-in-law needed to breastfeed behind a closed door, the OP deserved the same.