Parenting a child through continued bullying at school is concerning and difficult.
Because the parent can’t witness the problematic incidents, their frustration grows, and yet they’re expected to be a calm and supportive role model while attempting to navigate the whole situation.
That confusing swirl of emotions was the driving force behind one Redditor’s recent experience with her daughter.
The mother, mamabear_aita on the site, described it all in a post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP) started with a title that showed just how far things went.Â
“AITA for Saying I Don’t Care that a Little Girls Grandma Died?”
OP began with some context.Â
“So I [35-year-old female] have 5 kids, all internationally adopted as I am infertile. This in particular is about one of my daughters [9-year-old female], I will call her Zoey as it starts with the same letter as her real name.”
“Zoey just entered 4th grade, she’s going to school in person this year.”
And 4th grade has proven difficult.Â
“Well one girl (I’ll call her Cat) has been picking on Zoey a lot. I’m not one of those moms who makes a huge fuss over every little squabble.”
“Cat has picked on Zoey for being adopted, being Asian and started rumors that she has the virus.”
OP began by working off experience.
“Every time Zoey tries to tell her teacher, her teacher either brushes it off as a ‘conflict’ or says that Cat is dealing with a lot and not to mind her even though that is very hard for Zoey.”
“I have learned with one of my older kids to document every incident of bullying that happens to my child, I just write down the date and what they say happened in a notebook. It usually turns out to be nothing.”
“I have done this for what Zoey has said about Cat.”
But one incident brought things to a new level.Â
“Well last week was the final straw. I got called by the nurse that Zoey had fallen out of a tree at recess and hurt her arm and she had to go to urgent care. I picked her up as soon as I could.”
“When we got in the car she said what really happened was Cat told her if she climbed up the tree she would let her sit on the class bean bag or something like that.”
“When Zoey did it Cat began shaking the other end of it. When Zoey fell out of the tree Cat ran away.”
“When her teacher got there she tried to tell him what happened but he scolded her for climbing up there (granted he didn’t know how bad it was) and took her to the nurse.”
This time, documenting in the notebook was not enough.Â
“Her wrist was broken because I guess she tried to catch herself from falling and ended up twisting it backwards. After she was home with my husband I marched into that school p*ssed off.”
“I ended up having a meeting with the guidance counselor and her teacher. Her teacher kept trying to call it a fight or conflict (giving them equal blame basically) or saying that she shouldn’t have climbed the tree in the first place.”
OP and the teacher turned out to be on different wavelengths.
“Then he said that in the beginning of the year Cats parents told him that her grandma died over the summer so cut her a little slack.”
“I said I didn’t care and she should still be punished.”
“He seemed shocked that I said I didn’t care. We had all this week off so I’ve taken a little time to cool off and now I’m not sure if I’m TA for saying that.”
“AITA?”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked to provide feedback by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
An overwhelming majority of Redditors sided with OP and offered full support of her viewpoint.Â
Many simply disagreed with the teacher’s logic.Â
“NTA You didn’t say it to her face, her troubles doesn’t mean she gets a free pass on your daughter. They should be teaching the child empathy.” — RemindMeImGolden
“Losing a grandparent doesn’t turn a child into a bully or racist. You spoke truth. NTA” — brecollier
“NTA the whole narrative that ‘bullies are the real victims’ is a line of sh** and Cat needs to be shown some consequences. Good luck OP and I hope Zoey gets to feeling better real soon.” — orphan-girl
“NTA I lost both of my parents at 6 five days apart. Neither myself nor my sibs tormented any of our classmates” — minezjoy
“NTA Little Zoey is lucky to have a mom who stands up for her!” — Less_Seaworthiness_7
Others advised OP to address the situation further.Â
“NTA. Teacher has proven useless, go up to the principal and of they’re useless, go up to the super etc.”
“Just because her Grandma died could of been understood for a bit, but it’s been consistent she’s a racist and a bully.”
“While a bit extreme I’d personally also look at other schools (if possible).” — RonnieDeVille
“Definitely not the a**hole and you should speak to the principal right always. This is bullsh**. If this were my child that little f***wad would be getting expelled.”
“She could have killed your daughter. This is not normal behavior for a child.” — Ilovebreaddddd
“NTA, escalate this matter up the chain!!” — loxpoxmox
“NTA. You need to escalate this. Your daughter’s teacher has allowed her to be bullied repeatedly because some other child’s grandmother passed away.”
“Your child doesn’t deserve to be bullied.” — cara180455
And a few made some speculations about the people involved.Â
“NTA, you would’ve been TA if you had said it to the girl but since you didn’t say it to anybody in the family you definitely aren’t.”
“Cat’s parents are probably racist d*****bags and she might not even know any better so keep that in mind, but that behavior is not acceptable.” — YaItsGibby
“NTA and the teacher is probably racist too! I say this as someone who has had a lot of racist teachers!! I was always given ‘equal blame’ when I was provoked and even when I did nothing wrong, but this is far worse.”
“Your child is a victim of physical racist bullying with severe harm to her developing body which could have lifelong consequences.” — Gloomy-Pain-3036
If the Reddit commentary is any indication, OP will rest easy at the very least. And at most, the whole situation is far from over.Â