Movies and TV shows can depict perfect families where everyone is loving, understanding, and supportive. But reality is a lot messier.
All families go through periods of strain and miscommunication, but some families are toxic. While people hope parents prioritize their children’s health and well-being, it’s not always guaranteed.
A daughter struggling with her mother’s bullying turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after confronting her mother.
Poisonousrat312 asked:
“AITA for yelling at my mom for humiliating me over brain surgery?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I [18, female] snapped at my mother today after she made a comment about what happened when my brain was swollen.”
“For context, around 2020 ish when I was fourteen I had a sinus infection go to my brain after my sinuses filled up. I was sick for around two weeks and begged my mom to take me to the ER.”
“She would tell me that if I went, I would need to get shots in my butt. I wasn’t scared of needles, however I was majorly self l-conscious as every teen is.
“So I would go home and use remedies like the neti pot and vapor spray. It got to the point where I couldnt hold anything in.”
“Eventually she took me to the hospital while I was out of it—like blank stares and not responding—and they told my mom I was dehydrated and wasn’t taking my meds properly and sent me out.”
“I peed my pants on the way out and after cleaning me up, I had ‘seizure like activity’ as the doctors call it and mom took me to a different ER which sent me to a bigger hospital.”
“After a couple months, I got out of the hospital and am now doing fine besides mild migraines, but the doctors said that if I waited for another day I would be dead or brain dead and my life would be over.”
“Now my mom talks about this, but bends the truth. She says I was just acting depressed, that I never asked to go to the hospital, and makes sure to tell them that I wet myself in public.”
“This would happen MANY, MANY times and this recent time she mentioned it, I finally said something about her refusing to take me to the doctor in the first place despite me being clearly physically unwell.”
“I also mentioned the fact that she admitted she knew I had a sinus infection to the doctors.”
“After the people she was talking to left, she snapped at me saying that I don’t understand how hard the ordeal was for her and that I make her sound like a horrible parent.”
“I leave it to you, Reddit.”
“Was I an ignorant brat when I brought up what I did or was my anger justified as it made me feel embarrassed every time she’d talk about it?”
“In my opinion she brings it up to gather sympathy from strangers.”
“I have told some people an edited version of what happened when they asked about my scar (a literal headband across my head), but she tells everyone all my surgeries—10 in total—and people always looks at her like a hero…”
“Its kinda like Munchausen syndrome but with actual illnesses and surgery. Whenever it’s brought up, people look up to her like she’s such a saint and it gives me a weird twisting feeling.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I snapped at my mother for bringing up the fact that something humiliating happened to me when I was sick and I feel like an a**hole.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA, she was a horrible parent. Truth hurts, sorry, mom.” ~ wolf_genie
“Not just was a horrible parent. The mom tries to make her child look bad in front of people and tells them OP wet herself. She absolutely IS a horrible parent.” ~ Dollys_Nemesis
“Like there is no reason for mom to bring up any part of the story anyways. She’s doing it to reinforce the false narrative and cover her shame.” ~ Suspiciouscupcake23
“If she lies about you in front of other people, you have the right to correct the lie in front of those same people. NTA.”
“If she doesn’t want you to correct her, then she can stop lying.” ~ ScarletNotThatOne
“Tell your mom in front of her next audience, ‘Peeing in my pants is embarrassing, mom, but not as embarrassing as being a mother who almost let’s her kid die because she refuses to take them to the doctor/hospital. I was so sick that I peed myself and had a seizure because you didn’t take me to the doctor sooner’.”
“Truly, you don’t need to be embarrassed about being sick and for how your body reacted to your being that sick. Your mother should be horrified that she let it get to that point, after you begged to go to the ER and she refused. NTA.” ~ fallingintopolkadots
“Yeah, even twisting the story, I can’t fathom how she thinks any part of it makes her look like a good parent. And what kind of a**hole friends does she have that they are cool with her trying to dunk on her child?” ~ PokeyWeirdo12
“‘When I almost died of encephalitis, I had a major seizure that caused incontinence… it was the most scared I’ve ever been’ would be a good way of correcting her.” ~ FiestyMum
“She’s trying to rewrite history and make herself both the victim and the savior.”
“Problem is she’s neither, just a bad mother who doesn’t care that her failure to act almost killed you and she’s try to spin the narrative and embarrassing you in the process.”
“I’m glad you stood up to her. Going through hard ordeals is something we sign up for when we decide to have children.”
“She’s not special and her using your pain is frankly disgusting. NTA and I’m so glad you’re well now.”
“If she doesn’t like being called out, she should stop telling this story. She’s only making a bigger fool of herself.” ~ forgetregret1day
“NTA—your mom neglected you until you almost died, OP. She doesn’t want people to know about that part of the story. I would tell everyone every time it was brought up.” ~ Brickthedummydog
“NTA. Your mom’s neglect almost caused your death, and she has the audacity to lie in public and try to humiliate you? I would put her on blast every time she opened her mouth.” ~ WeirdnessWalking
“My mom was like this. Any time I was sick she thought I was faking it. Still does now and I’m 58!”
“She did some truly f*cked up things. But according to her, I don’t remember things correctly. If I try and tell her that her version is incorrect, alone or with others, she tells me I’m wrong.”
“And she wonders why we don’t talk.”
“Accept the fact that you won’t get acknowledgment of her neglect. And continue to rectify the story every time she tells it.”
“Whats her point either way telling the story? Does she intend to weaponize it? NTA. Tell her to keep your medical history out of her mouth.” ~ IntrepidElevator4313
“Holy sh*t! NTA! Your mother is clearly the negligent a**hole here. She ignored your pleas to go to the ER. And is now trying to rewrite history and make herself look like a good mother, when in fact she was a negligent mother.”
“The truth makes her look very bad. But she is the one that chose what she did and if people are told truth they will be shocked and disappointed by the truth.”
“I’m sorry you had to go though all that I hope you continue to get better and are doing well.” ~ Shankyo1
“WTF‽‽ Unbelievable. I’m sorry you went through this.”
“You are NTA for telling the truth. Your mother handled the situation horribly, and now wants to keep her ego intact. A good mother would admit her mistake, apologize and do everything in her power to make things right.” ~ spacejalapeno
“She WAS a horrible parent! You were in medical distress and she scared you out of going to the hospital! Now she’s using your medical ordeal as a means to humiliate you by lying about it. NTA.” ~ burner_suplex
“Tell her if she continues to tell the story you will tell it like it really happened every time. Why does she even need to keep bringing it up? I’d be so ashamed that my child could have died I would never be able to talk about it.” ~ Decent_Front4647
“That’s horrid. I’m really sorry. You are definitely NTA. As the others have said, she was extremely neglectful and now she is selfishly shaming you, gaslighting you, and using what happened to make herself look good.”
“The whole thing is gross. And you’re the one who actually has to live with the consequences, both physically and mentally.”
“Do you have someone healthy and supportive in your life who you can talk to about this? Who can help you set boundaries with her, or help you get into a different living situation (if you’re still living with her), or whatever?” ~ nsparadise
The OP provided a brief response to the feedback they received.
“Thank you all for the support. I was raised by her, so she kinda knows how to ‘control me’ in sorts.”
“I still live with her (everything is expensive, so I’m saving up to move out), but if she ever kicks me out or goes too far, I can go somewhere safe.”
I really appreciate all the kind words and validation.”
The OP was reassured that their mother’s behavior wasn’t acceptable.
Redditors stated over and over that she had a right to defend herself against deliberate attempts to belittle and demean her.
Hopefully she can remove herself from this unhealthy relationship.