We’ve all had tense moments with our families, which can sometimes turn into lasting grudges.
Even so, most people tend to learn how to live with the frustrations their family members may cause and remain on relatively good terms with them.
Others, however, are not so forgiving and instead choose to go completely no contact with them, making the difficult decision that the only way to forgive is to let go and move on.
Redditor Euphoric-Exam509 had long had a tense relationship with his sister, finally making the difficult decision to cut her out of his life completely.
As one might expect, the original poster (OP)’s mother was less than thrilled that her two children were no longer on speaking terms, and decided to take matters into her own hands.
Her efforts were anything but appreciated by the OP, however, who instead ended up going no contact (NC) with his mother and several other family members as well.
Wondering if he was being unfair, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for leaving during an intervention I never agreed to?”
The OP explained how his mother’s efforts to bring him and his sister closer together ended up pushing him further apart from her and the rest of his family:
“This happened on Friday.”
“I’m so beyond upset right now and have gone NC for the immediate future with my Mom.”
“My (36 M[ale]) sister Jane (34 F[emale) have no relationship.”
“She’s my sister by blood only.”
“I’ll try to be as unbiased as possible here, but she did some pretty crappy things when our Father died.”
“Things like withholding information about his estate, attempting to sell his home and split the profits with his fiancé against my knowledge, not actually being physically there when he died in hospice, etc.”
“Afterwards, she would continuously gaslight me to the point that I went NC with her back in 2018.”
“My life has been so much better without her in it.”
“My mom Brenda (60 F) is not a fan of this.”
“She was divorced from my father and, even though I loved him so much, I have to admit that he wasn’t the greatest parent in some aspects (we lived with him).’
“My sister and I not having a great relationship is, mostly in part, his fault.”
“Brenda doesn’t like that her two only children have a dead relationship and is constantly trying to fix it.”
“After being in therapy, I’ve started learning how to erect and enforce boundaries.”
“I don’t like it when my Mom attempts to ‘fix’ our relationship and I call her out on it (gently) each time.”
“For example, a few weeks ago, she mentioned how she wasn’t going to name neither me nor Jane as the executor until we ‘fix our sh*t’.”
“I calmly told her I didn’t think that was appropriate to say or do and that I didn’t like how she isn’t taking into account my feelings and why I chose to go NC with Jane.”
“My wife and I flew in to go visit Brenda this past Friday.”
“My wife and I recently had a son a year ago so we wanted to visit his grandma.”
“We walked in and were met with half the family standing there (including Jane who was sitting) claiming that they were doing an intervention.”
“On my relationship with Jane. I was speechless.”
“I looked at my Wife who was just as flabbergasted as I was.”
“I said I’m not doing an intervention and this is enormously inappropriate.”
“My Mom went into this tirade of how I’m a grown adult and this behavior is childish.”
“I need to make up with my sister so we can put all of this behind us.”
“We immediately left.”
“My Mom followed us out while asking why I couldn’t do the adult thing and just talk to my sister.”
“Baby was crying.”
“We got into the car and booked a hotel.”
“I booked a new flight for tomorrow and I’m trying my best not to look upset for the baby.”
“My wife says she had nothing to do with this and would never sanction it if she knew.”
“My wife’s phone and mine have been blowing up non stop with the family accusing me of being a ‘drama queen’ and hurting my Mom’s feelings.”
“The only family member I didn’t go NC with is my Step Dad who sent me a simple apology text.”
‘With all these text messages, I’m starting to doubt myself.”
“My next therapy session isn’t until next Friday and I’m not sure how to feel.”
“AITA for going NC with my Mom?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for cutting contact with his mother after she staged the intervention.
Everyone agreed that not only were Brenda’s actions completely inappropriate, but they were also not at all an effective way of mending things between the OP and Jane, particularly as many believed the intervention showed that Brenda’s loyalty lies with Jane.
“Wow!”
“Nope! NTA !”
“That was absolutely inappropriate and wildly asinine on Brenda’s part.”
“I understand that she wants her kids to get along, but the time for insuring that they did was when you two were young, not when you are both grown ass adults!”
“The fact that Brenda did that when you had your new baby with you, essentially putting the baby in the middle of an extremely emotional and potentially volatile situation says a lot about how little Brenda cares about the emotional well being of others.”
“I would definitely send Brenda a letter (or email) explaining how that made you feel, and outlining that you will no longer be accepting contact from her unless she stops trying to ‘fix’ things.”
“If she replies with an argument, you let her know she is now no longer welcome to contact you and you block her and you move on with your life.”- MissSuzieSunshine
“NTA.”
“I feel your pain.”
“I was forced into an intervention about my sister years ago.”
“I wish I had been as bold as you to get up and leave.”
“I had to deal with years of drama and manipulation due to not going NC.”
“I am finally NC now and things are better for me.”
“Do what you have to do to protect your peace and protect your family.”
“Your sister showed what kind of person she is.”
“She isn’t going to change.”- Fair-boysenberry6745
“NTA.”
“Your mother is way out of line.”
“Interventions are not for damaged relationships.’
“Interventions are for addicts or those who are otherwise destroying their own lives.”
“But choosing to be no contact with Jane, as far as I can tell, is not harming you in the least.”
“This wasn’t an intervention.”
“It was your mother trying to impose her will on you and attempting to force a reconciliation.”
“That aside, suppose you decided to go along with it.”
“Given what you’ve shared about Jane’s character, I’m sure she would do her level best to make everything seem like it was all your fault.”
“You wouldn’t have been heard and you would have been blamed for everything.”
“How do I know this?”
“Because Jane was already present and apparently decided to go along with this.”
“She was sitting in the room, apparently wise to what was going on.”
“If I were a gambling man, I’d bet money she’s got her little spiel planned.”
“Even if this were an intervention to get you and Jane to repair your relationship, why are you the only one being ambushed?”
“Shouldn’t both you and Jane be caught off guard, instead of just you?”
“Everyone involved in this ‘intervention’ has already framed you as the bad guy, the one who needs to be fixed.”
“Props to your stepdad.”
“Sounds like he knew this was a bad idea going in.”- RighteousVengeance
“NTA.”
“You were ambushed.”
“You took it about like anybody would take it.”
“It’s interesting that Jane never said anything in your description, and makes me wonder if she knew.”
“You can always unblock people after you talk to your therapist, but it’s not okay to just drop this stuff on people and your mother shouldn’t have done it.”
“I don’t blame you for leaving.”- geth1138
“NTA.”
“You expected grandma time for your child and are met by the Family Inquisition expecting to force-fix your relationship with your sister via this intervention.”
“And she’s sitting there expecting it to work so she can keep gaslighting you.”
“If your sister were REALLY wanting to reconnect, she would do it 1-to-1 and start with an apology for the shenanigans about the estate.”- TsuDhoNimh2
Needless to say, no parent wants their children to be on non-speaking terms.
However, forcing them to make up is never likely to succeed.
Nor does the OP seem like the one who needed to be confronted, as an apology from Jane would have likely been the first necessary step to mending their fractured relationship.
Here’s hoping Brenda will consider offering an apology—if she ever wants to speak to her son again.