When planning a wedding, sometimes the happy couple can make some seemingly bizarre choices.
It’s their day, they get to do what they want.
Maybe they want to parachute in.
Maybe they want to disinvite half of the guest list at the last second.
None of it has to make sense to the attendees.
But the happy couple should probably prepare for fallout regarding certain plans.
Case in point…
Redditor Present_Concern4789 to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my sister she is an idiot if she thought her actions at her wedding wouldn’t have consequences?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Quick backstory, my bio dad died when I was young and my mom remarried when my sister was 8 and I was 10.”
“We are now in our late 20s.”
“Stepdad focused a lot of his time providing for us so I never got close to him but I am grateful for him.”
“I am engaged and my sister is going to marry in about a month.”
“My wedding will be in a year.”
“Both of us are close to our mom though.”
“My sister who I will call Noelle, f**ked up in my opinion.”
“At first I was on her side but now I just feel bad for stepdad.”
“Noelle isn’t going to have him walk her down the aisle and give her away.”
“I understand this is her decision and when that came out I helped my mom and stepdad understand that it was her choice.”
“The turning point happened last week when she told us that he would not be sitting at the family table.”
“When asked her why she made it clear he wasn’t family to her.”
“Again her right but damn he is the reason we had such a good childhood and are debt free ( he paid for college and worked a ton).”
“I knew this would result in them not going to the wedding and they informed my sister of that.”
“She called me upset and was ranting about how it was her wedding.”
“That she was being abandoned.”
“I had enough and told her she was an idiot if she didn’t think her actions wouldn’t have consequences.”
“She called me a jerk and hung up.”
“I am unsure if I was a jerk and I feel guilty since I am now closer to my parents since I promised he could walk me down at my wedding.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Imagine telling the guy that raised you, paid for your (and siblings) education in full no questions asked, kept a roof over your head, and made your mum happy. ‘Ha, you’re not family get f**ked.'”
“She couldn’t have made it any worse if she said ‘You’re lucky I’m even inviting you to my wedding.'”
“I bet she’s still expecting a gift.”
“I hope he isn’t helping her pay for it either.”
“Though she would probably frame it as ‘letting him pay for her wedding’ and he should be grateful to be sidelined on the NOT family table to witness the spectacle of her ungrateful a** getting married.”
“Side note. If someone paid for my education in full no strings attached I’d probably let them watch me give birth if I thought that would make them happy.” ~ throwawaybullhunter
“My dad didn’t marry my stepmom until I was a full-grown adult and she definitely didn’t pay for my education but I’d still have her sit with my dad if I was getting married.”
“This just seems like she didn’t get enough reaction out of him for not having him walk her down the aisle so she’s twisting the knife in any way she can.” ~ seanchaigirl
“If she decided that he is not family she shouldn’t have accepted it in the first place.”
“NTA, she is reaping what she was sowing.”
“He did what he could to establish his place as a family, she took it but then kicked him out.”
“Not having him walk her down is one thing, not having him at the family table is quite another.” ~ SeeMeImhere
“If somebody paid for my college tuition fee and living expenses so I could be debt-free and financially set up, they could sit anywhere they want in my wedding especially when they are not blood-related.”
“They would be considered as family because they were not obligated to do that for me and the least I could do was treat them well and respect them.”
“Your sis, for lack of a better word, is super selfish and entitled.”
“If I were your B[rother] I[n] L[aw], I probably would look at her so differently because she kicked people to ditches like it’s no big deal.”
“I would always wonder if it was going to happen to me as well, lol.” ~ fattyonfirereborn
“You are seeing things very clearly and have very appropriate compassion for everyone involved.”
“Not having stepdad walk her down the aisle was very much sister’s prerogative, and you helped your mom and stepdad understand and accept that.”
“Insulting this man who cared for you both and provided you with a good life and with the (education) means to build your futures, was completely mean and unnecessary on your sister’s part.”
“Your mom and stepdad are perfectly right to not attend, and you have tried to help your sister understand that.”
“She may not be as quick to understand as your mom and stepdad were.”
“That’s not on you.”
“You’ve helped as much as you can; your sister will need to live with the consequences of her actions and words.” ~ swillshop
“I think you know you’re NTA.”
“But I’m confused by this, honestly.”
“Did your sister ever express that she didn’t consider stepdad as family before?”
“This seems like it was out of nowhere kind of.”
“She’ll have to live with the consequences of this choice I guess.”
“I can understand opting to not have him walk her down the aisle, but excluding him from the family table altogether is way out of line.” ~ lihzee
OP came back with some answers…
“Not really, she has always idolized our dead dad and was upset when she hit a milestone and he couldn’t be there.”
“I think this came out full force on this issue that she decided to reject stepdad completely.”
“We both didn’t have close relationships but that was due to him working like 60 hours a week to provide.”
“I understood not walking her down but the table was basically a f**k you to him.”
“I sadly think the damage has been done and even if she retracts what she said it can’t be undone.”
“The plate is broken and duck tape won’t fix It.”
Reddit continued…
“To be fair, I can’t even see the point of excluding him from walking her down the aisle, either.”
“He was the functional equivalent of a father.”
“Sure, you can memorialize the deceased dad, maybe have stepdad carry a picture of him down the aisle.”
“But the sister is being needlessly cruel and exclusionary, for no reason (allegedly, S[tep]F[ather] and she had a good relationship growing up).”
“You can’t be disloyal to a dead guy, but she seems to think so, or that bio dad would know or care that this guy (who stepped up and took care of her) was in his place.” ~ Duke_Newcombe
“I mean, that really sucks, and weddings can definitely kick up all kinds of intense feelings that catch us by surprise.”
“They’re high-stakes, high-visibility events and people can lose their minds a little under that kind of pressure.”
“But you’re right – she can decide not to have your stepdad walk her down the aisle and still expect your mother to attend.”
“But she can’t seat him apart from his wife without risking both of them deciding to stay home.”
“Unless you’ve left quite a lot out, he poses no physical or psychological threat to her or her guests, so there is no justification for this kind of exclusion.”
“Her feelings are her feelings, and I fully get that she’s missing her dad especially hard right now, but lashing out at stepdad for existing is not going to make her feel better.”
“It’s only going to push your mother away on a day when she’ll need her presence and support the most.” ~ DiTrastevere
“NTA because you’re not wrong and she seems to think mistreating her stepdad is ok.”
“She doesn’t have to see him as her dad and doesn’t have to give him a dad-like role, but he’s been your mother’s husband and supporter for what sounds like almost 20 years and to not put him with her at the reception is really rude and hurtful.”
“It is her wedding and she’s allowed to do this, but she has to know how it will make your stepdad AND your mom feel and understand that they are allowed to react to these emotions.”
“She is being an AH by treating them this way.”
“How would she feel if someone put her husband at a family table but then stuck here in the back?”
“Do you think she might understand if it was explained to her that way?”
“Like if you asked her how she’d feel if she was seated at the family table at your wedding but her husband wasn’t because ‘He’s not my brother, just my sister’s husband?'” ~ thaliagorgon
“I think your sister needs some counseling.”
“She might just be a jerk.”
“But she also might not have processed her grief over your dad dying and it’s welling to the surface now because, for a bride especially, your wedding is a day when you think a lot about your dad and your relationship with him.”
“What you said was self-evident, and it needed to be said.”
“But you might want to suggest she get the help of a neutral professional to process her complicated feelings about losing your dad. NTA.” ~ Aylauria
Well, OP, your sister has every right to do as she pleases with her wedding plans.
But she has to accept the consequences.
You were just being truthful about how you felt.
Good luck on your big day.