While it's often portrayed as beautiful and fun all the time on social media an in entertainment, parenting isn't always such a cakewalk.
Sometimes parents need a break, whether it's in the form of a literal break, date night, or a nice snack, agreed the "
Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
After a particularly hard day at work, Redditor No-Cheek2572 decided to order herself some food after her children went to bed.
But when her ex called her selfish for doing so, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she had been wrong to treat herself and not her children.
She asked the sub: "AITA for ordering food when my children are asleep so I don't have to share?"
The OP ordered herself some food at the end of a hard day. "Occasionally when my four children (9 Male, 7 Male, and twins 5 Female) go to bed, I'll order myself a little something from Ubereats or DoorDash after a hard day so I don't have to share with the kiddos." "Usually, since I'm always the first one to wake up, I'll put the packing beside the indoor trash can and take it out to the outdoor trash can in the morning." The OP's usual plan backfired this time. "My children ended up waking up first that morning and saw the takeout food packaging." "They woke me up, asking me what I ate and if they could have some." "I told them there was none left and I ate it all last night, and I thought that would be the end of it." Then the OP's ex got involved. "After I dropped them off at their dad's for the week (my children stay at their dad's house one week out of the month rather than just doing weekends), my children's father ended up spamming my phone with text messages, accusing me of misappropriating my children funds he sends every month." "My CF (Children's Father) gives me 100 dollars for each child a month, which is 400 dollars a month. When it comes down to it, it isn't much, but I'm fine with it because he usually makes up for it by buying the children what they need when an issue arises." "Nothing is court-ordered. He basically told me that if I put him on child support, there'd be no reason for him to take the children because he'd already be supporting them that way." The OP clarified that the food had come out of her own money. "I have a job as a daycare worker and use my own money I make myself to buy Ubereats/DoorDash food." "He also accused me of being a bad mother because I rather order food for just myself without thinking of my children who were with me at the time and that I should've just waited until they were with him for the night." "I had a really bad day that day and just wanted to do something to cheer myself up, and sometimes food does the trick for me." "My kids had tilapia, broccoli, carrots, and rice for dinner, and I ordered some Chick-fil-A." "If I were to order something for everyone, it would've cost a whole lot of money that I wasn't interested in spending, and if I were to share, by the time my food got back to me, it would've just been the food wrapper." "So do y'all think I'm the a**hole?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in: - NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some empathized with the OP's need for a break and a little food therapy. "I literally shoved an entire Cadbury creme egg in my mouth when my kid walked into the room today, so I wouldn't have to share it or explain what I was eating, where I got it, and why no, you can't have some." "This is a reality of parenthood, and in no way is OP the AH. You're a single mom with four kids, for f**k's sake. ENJOY YOUR TAKEOUT! You've earned it!" - Mryessicahaircut
"Dad should take them for three weeks and then revisit his silly thoughts. I guarantee he would change his way of thinking." "Kids are endless pits. Endless! There are times I’m lucky to get four bites of food. When they’re in the midst of a growth spurt, food feels like a luxury to me. Because in those spurts, my kids could out-eat a sumo wrestler." "My littles are, and always will be, my priority. However, sometimes we parents need and deserve a break." "OP, you did absolutely nothing wrong! Nothing! Your littles ate and are well taken care of. You had a bad day and needed a break. You didn’t eat in front of your kids. You did not deprive them of anything. Honestly, it feels like they were trying to manipulate their dad into taking them out." "I have three littles who are 13 months apart. We absolutely love our littles; however, we each had hidden stashes of food. Sometimes, we would make special meals when the littles went to bed (like thick juicy steaks or crab legs)." "It didn’t mean we didn’t love our littles. It didn’t mean we wanted our littles to starve. We just wanted a nice quiet meal where we could enjoy each other’s company. A meal without a million little questions or little hands reaching over our plates." "We needed downtime to relax, recharge, and talk to one another uninterrupted. We just wanted to spend time together and enjoy our meal." "The only AH that I see here is your ex. $100 per little, per month, is nothing. He’s lucky you haven’t taken him to court. If he wants to continue treating you so badly, then a formal order might be necessary." "Your ex could’ve used this as a teaching opportunity to explain that sometimes adults have bad days and need a break. There are different ways people can unwind. For you, you needed to eat a special treat. There is no shame in that." "NTA, OP. Not even remotely close." - BooBooKittyKat1
"If your kids are well fed, then NTA. Nothing wrong with a treat as long as they occasionally get one, too (doesn’t need to be the same as yours). If they are not well-fed, YTA." - Octavia9
"Don't, like, 100% of parents hide in their closet to eat some M&Ms because they don't want to share the one selfish treat they got that week?" "This dude needs to shut his piehole and pay more support." "NTA." "UPDATE: I've enjoyed reading all the Stealth Snack techniques y'all use! May the Keebler Force Be with You and the Nestle Odds Be Ever in Your Favor." - Porcupine_Tattoo
Others were more concerned about the amount of child support the OP was receiving. "NTA for ordering food for yourself at all." "Soft YTA for not having decent child support arrangements. There is a reason child support is easy to calculate (most states have calculators that very quickly give you an idea of what it should be)." "I am sorry, but no incidentals make up for a measly $400 a month for four kids. You realize the ones that are hurting because of lack of child support are your children. Especially if they are with you 75% of the time." "Please do what’s right for your kids here. You are depriving your children of much-needed support." - DCEtada
"This dude gives you $3 per day per child. I’d say YTA for not pursuing him for more child support which your children deserve." "Tell him he pays $3 per child per day." - vac_roc
"I feel like non-custodial parents don't get the "everydayness" of kid expenses." "Like when the kid has to make a poster for school, and you have to run out to the drugstore for posterboard and magic markers at 10 PM because the little darling never mentioned it." "Like when it's your turn to bring treats or drinks to soccer practice." "Like when you have to put gas in the car to take them to their friend's house or their activity or school because they missed their bus." "Like when they spill cherry KoolAid on your 'dry clean only' ivory blouse." "Et cetera. Et cetera. Et cetera." "And when the long-delayed and often very small child support check arrives, the other party gets all judgy because you spent $3.49 on a bottle of toenail polish and got your car vacuumed at the car wash (to get up all the pretzel and chicken nugget crumbs...)" - MyCatPostsForMe
"Controlling a** is a controlling a**. OP needs to go to court and get proper child support. Then she can just tell him to shut the f**k up when he thinks he can tell her how to spend her own money." - Veteris71
Some were miffed about the OP's secret culinary excursions, however. "YTA. The fact your kids are asking about it suggests they aren’t getting enough to eat or are getting lower-quality food. If that’s not the case, why aren’t you happy with whatever you’re feeding them?" "The amount of child support you’re getting isn’t relevant, they’re your kids, too, and you have a responsibility to feed them. They complained to their dad because they’re jealous that you’re eating better food than you’re giving them. Kind of understandable on their part." "Your stated reason for not ordering the same food for them was cost, which doesn’t imply you’re eating cheap junk and feeding them healthy food." "You’re eating chick-fil-A and making them eat broccoli. Healthier, sure, but kind of a weird example to set. Why can’t you all eat the same food together? Why are they bad for being jealous you’re eating chick-fil-A while feeding them broccoli?" "The ex’s opinion is irrelevant and is a red herring. The issues are between her and the kids. The complaints are originating from the kids. The ex knows nothing the kids didn’t tell him." "I am also a single parent, and my viewpoint is that if I can eat restaurant food, my kids can eat it too. They’re my family, and I share experiences with them. If that makes me an AH, then fine, whatever, my kids like me, and your opinion is irrelevant." - ianeinman
"YTA. Not because of the dad. Don't care where the money came from." "YTA for not sharing with your kids. I would never do that to mine. Sure, McDonald's is super expensive to feed five people, but I rather pay that than be an a**hole." - Brilliant-Neat-3444
"I think you are TA. Do you buy your kids takeout just for them and nothing for you? Of course not. You are talking about kids, for God's sake. They like to have treats too." "It’s one thing to have a candy bar or maybe some other snack you enjoy after your kids go to bed. But to order out and hide it from them... that’s selfish. You are the one who decided to have children, so don’t treat them like they are unworthy of what you think you are worthy of." - memnock_
"NTA, but I probably would've gotten them some McDonald's just to shut them up and bribe them. Four happy meals in my area come within $20. It sounds like the father acts like an a** if he can't even take his kids to a restaurant or give you enough to do so but thinks you should pay." "I'm also used to being sneaky with hiding the good stuff from obnoxious housemates, so no offense, but your evidence-hiding methods are amateur-level." "First, you clean up a small box of trash and set it aside. Then, you roll up the bag of evidence and put it in the garbage can. Then, you dump the bag of trash on top. Extra points if you tie it off and take it out, but sometimes people are too tired after a long day to do that." "I've met delivery drivers outside the front fence before just to avoid people in the house catching wind of the delivery." - PaladinWolf777
The subReddit was divided on this one, as some saw this as being about more than food, but rather a selfishness either on the part of the mother providing care or the father providing child support.
There were those who judged the OP just like the ex had done, but most could empathize that the OP deserved a break and way to wind down, not to mention additional child support funds.
