Having a baby is an exciting life event.
It is also a challenging and daunting life experience.
New parents fumble their way through everything.
It can also be a very sensitive time when it comes to emotions.
So now and again someone may say something with the best of intentions that can lead to chaos.
These are times when the truth may not set anyone free.
Case in point…
Redditor Own_Smoke3137 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not lying to my D[aughter] I[n] L[aw] about my post partum weight loss?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My son, 27 and his wife, the same age had a baby 4 months ago.”
“I recently went over to see them.”
“They seemed a bit tense, but what new parents aren’t?”
“So anyway, my DIL asked me how long it took to lose my weight and to get back to ‘normal.'”
“I said that I wore my normal clothes home, and never really gained much weight with any of my pregnancies.”
“My mother was the same, as are my daughters.”
“Then she asked if I really wore makeup home.”
“I asked why she was asking but she insisted on an answer, so I said yes.”
“She ran off crying.”
“I asked my son WTF was going on and he said she saw some pictures and didn’t believe it was him as a baby, it must be a niece because it was impossible.”
“Apparently, he said obviously it’s not impossible, you are looking at the picture.”
“So she had been snotty about it.”
“We decided it was best to leave.”
“Later, her mother decided to call me and tell me I should not go over there till I apologize and I told her that I’m not apologizing for telling the truth.”
“She told me I’m a b*tch and hung up.”
“My husband thinks this is ridiculous, but my DIL is still mad, and my son ended up staying here last night because she was insinuating that I must have done drugs to keep that skinny.”
“He’s back there but my daughter called and said he was asking to stay there for ‘awhile.'”
“It’s a mess.”
“I don’t want to apologize.”
“The pictures were in a baby book/scrapbook my eldest made.”
“My son didn’t just show her the pics.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“These first few comments are wild speculation and need to downvote.”
“There is exactly no evidence that the son/ husband is to blame.”
“DIL sounds incredibly insecure but that might well be just her.” ~ Eastofdark
“10000% – why do people automatically make assumptions?”
“Could he be a jerk? Yes.”
“But it could also be that she’s just an exhausted, still very swollen, puffy new mom who is feeling very self-conscious on her own? Also yes.”
“She could be someone who struggles with body image before pregnancy.”
“There are a billion other scenarios that don’t make the husband the automatic bad guy.”
“I had my daughter and felt amazing – no pain wasn’t tired.”
“So on the way home from the hospital, I stopped by Walmart (where I worked before being put on bed rest) to grab a few necessities.”
“My ex-husband asked if I wanted him to run in, but I actually wanted to do it.”
“I’d been stuck on bed rest prior to her birth and just wanted to do something normal for the first time in months.”
“He stayed in the car with the babe, I ran in.”
“I bumped into several people I knew and ALL of them said ‘Jeez, when are you popping that baby out.'”
“Um – 3 days ago?”
“I wasn’t a self-conscious kind of person but it was still like holy Toledo, so I look that bad?”
“Back home I go! I had a mini-meltdown in the car.”
“But he does need to get his dumb@ss home to his sad wife and brand new baby (and get the M[other] I[n] L[aw] outta there if she’s causing issues). NTA.” ~ TheBurgTheWord
“Or, hear me out, it could be that she’s insecure and still hopped up on tons of hormones due to having a baby and taking care of it.”
“That and probably being sleep deprived.”
“It can be really really hard to be rational if you have those things going on.”
“Pregnant women/new moms cry about crazy things all the time.”
“I mean sh*t, I cry about stupid things two weeks leading up to my monthly.”
“She’s probably super insecure, was going through a scrapbook because baby pictures are cute, and she now has her own baby, and then saw OP and instantly felt bad.”
“This stuff happens.”
“It could be that she just has some issues that are not even related to how her husband might be treating her.”
“NTA OP, sounds like she’s having a rough time and you’re in the crossfire.” ~ Beautiful_Hornet776
“I think there is a good chance she is very hormonal, has a severe lack of sleep, and is just dealing with the stress of having a new baby.”
“While living in a world that has photoshopped celebrities showing their post-baby body that they got back in a week like it was no big deal.”
“And a society that in general just constantly shoves insane impossible beauty standards and expectations of mothers down everyone’s throats at every corner while passive-aggressively insinuating that these standards are perfectly normal and easily attainable and if you can’t it’s because u a big ol lazy failure.”
“I would say ‘I’m sorry I had no intention of upsetting or insulting you,’ because is it fair?”
“No, but it will keep the peace and in the long run it’s not a hill to die on.”
“And she doesn’t have to apologize for what she did because she did nothing wrong. She just needs to assure her it isn’t a personal attack and she meant nothing by it.”
“Then give her space because hormones or not, OP doesn’t have to tolerate such behavior.” ~ Razzlesndazzles
“OP please go talk to your DIL in person and ask what’s wrong calmly.”
“No you didn’t lie but most women aren’t like you so she’s probably feeling bad about herself and the weight gain. (You should tell her this).”
“Reassure her it’s ok and see if you can get to the bottom of this.”
“I don’t know if your son said something or she’s just in a vulnerable state after birth but it would be a kindness on your side to help her come to terms with whatever issues she is having.” ~ Organic_Start_420
“I mean, she is giving the full story?”
“She was naturally thin and didn’t put on extra weight during pregnancy.”
“She also decided to wear makeup going home.”
“Women judging women goes BOTH ways and this is a case where a woman feels lesser because she’s seen another woman just doing her own thing.”
“It’s sad for DIL that she is this insecure but she has to deal with that insecurity herself and stop blaming other women for it.”
“OP is doing nothing wrong simply stating the truth, does not need to apologize, and it’s not on her to placate her DIL being rude about her body.”
“Like saying she must have been on drugs to be thin after pregnancy, what the f**k, totally unacceptable and out of order.”
“Like in your example – someone ‘explaining’ they had an eating disorder is no one’s business.”
“Even if an image of you with an eating disorder makes someone else insecure.”
“It is not on a woman with an eating disorder to say, ‘Oh but I was actually really ill with an eating disorder, and that’s why I was thin!’”
“This sh*t is STILL placing values and judgment on weight and bodies as if you have to explain away your own body to make someone else feel better. F**k that.”
“We are all allowed to exist and not feel the need to placate others about it.”
“I’m tired of women feeling like they can judge other women because someone else simply existing/doing their own thing makes them feel insecure or less than others.”
“It’s internalized misogyny and, as sad as it is for DIL, she is out of line and needs to be pushed to do some serious reflecting on herself – not for OP to make her feel better.” ~ faroffland
“I don’t think you did anything wrong by answering her questions truthfully.”
“BUT I think it would be really nice for you to go to her and tell her that you didn’t mean to upset her and that everyone’s body works differently and that’s okay.”
“If she responds poorly then that’s her own problem and responsibility, but it sounds like she might need support from another woman.” ~ -too-hot-to-handle-
“So she should open herself up to someone who already accuses her of doing drugs bc she didn’t gain much weight with her pregnancies.”
“She is a grown woman who at this age (27!) should know that all bodies are different and that folks respond to body changes differently.”
“I would not be going over there until she apologized for the drug use accusations.”
“The MIL already tried to ask why she wanted to know, but the DIL insisted on an answer.”
“OP def is NTA but the DIL sure is.” ~ BabeWithThePower713
Well, OP, Reddit is on your side.
You were asked a question, and you answered honestly.
It sounds like DIL is feeling overwhelmed and may need some help.
It probably wasn’t personal.
Hopefully, this will all pass over soon.
Good luck.