For all the joy that children bring into this world, one could argue that the best moment of being a parent is the moment you learn you’ll become a parent.
After all, rewarding as being a parent is, it also comes with an almost endless array of challenges.
Beginning with what to name your child.
Redditor Beginning_Date1924 and her husband were thrilled to learn they were becoming first time parents.
Making matters easier, they also came to a firm agreement on what their first-born’s name would be if it was a boy.
Upon learning it was a girl, however, they found themselves back at the drawing board, after the original poster (OP) flatly refused her husband’s alternative suggestion.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for rejecting the worst name ever for our offspring?”
The OP explained why she wouldn’t even consider her husband’s suggestion for their soon-to-be-born daughter’s name:
“So, my husband (38 M[ale]) and I (36 F[emale]) are expecting our first child, a bouncing baby girl due in a few months.”
“We were both over the moon when we found out the gender, but now things have gotten . . . complicated, to say the least.”
“See, when we first started talking about names, the ‘boy name’ was immediately decided: Stuart Jr., after my husband.”
“No problem there, it’s a classic name and carries family meaning.”
“But, for a girl, things got murky.”
“My husband suggested Stuarta.”
“No, you’re not having a stroke.”
“Apparently, his logic is that since Stuart ends in ‘t’, we can just add an ‘a’ to make it feminine.”
“I tried explaining why that doesn’t quite work, how it sounds more like a furniture brand than a human name, how she’d be endlessly correcting people and explaining its origin.”
“He’s adamant though, says it ‘honors’ him while giving our daughter a unique name.”
“I’ve suggested alternatives: feminine names that maybe share a similar sound or meaning to Stuart, names he’s mentioned liking in the past, even just going back to the drawing board entirely.”
“But he’s fixated on Stuarta.”
“Now, I love my husband dearly, and I understand wanting to honor family.”
“But I can’t imagine subjecting our daughter to a lifetime of awkward stares and endless questions about her ‘unusual’ name.”
“I also worry about potential bullying and the impact it could have on her self-esteem.”
“So, Reddit, am I the jerk for refusing to budge on Stuarta? Is there any compromise I haven’t considered? Help a soon-to-be mama out!”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to name her daughter “Stuarta”.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s husband was being selfish, as he wasn’t thinking of the child or his wife regarding the name, merely himself. Many emphasized that, regardless of the name, the name of a child needed to be a mutual, unanimous decision, and others wondered why, knowing the child was a girl, she couldn’t be named after the OP.
“NTA.”
“For the sake of your daughter, stand your ground on this one.”
“Also… this is a rather narcissistic mindset for naming your kid.”- drunkolive99
“Maybe a girl should be named after you?”
“He gets Stuart Jr, and you get a name that honors you for a girl, and that isn’t Stuart.”
“Seems fair and saves a daughter a lifetime of having a dumb name.”- allsilentqs
“NTA.”
“Tell him he only gets one kid named after him, so if he goes with Stuarta now, he’ll never get a Stuart Jnr.”
“And how come it’s so important that he be honored but not you?”
“See how he feels about naming a future son a male version of your name.”
“Remind him that baby names need a yes from both parents, or it’s a no.”
“You both need to be able to live with whatever you go with.”
“Even if that means both of you missing out on the one you want most.”- princess_ferocious
“‘Hey I’ve got a good idea’.”
“‘Stuart…a’.”
“NTA.”
“I’m speechless.”
“That’s absurd.”
“Normally I’m all for compromises in a relationship, but dear God no.”
“Don’t budge.”
“You can’t subject your daughter to that.”- Betelgeuse8188
“NTA.”
“This isn’t a Will and Jada situation where you can name your kids Willow and Jaden to reference yourselves because those names existed before their parents used them.”
“Stuarta isn’t a thing.”
“We do an unlimited amount of vetoes in our house for kid names.”
“All of our kids have had names by the time we need one for the birth certificate.”
“Y’all will get there.”
“It is just really hard.”- Itchy-Confusion-5767
“NTA.”
“Stuarta sounds like a pharmaceutical product.”
“I can hear the commercials now.”
“‘In some cases, Stuarta can cause headaches, rashes and even death’.”
“It doesn’t have a decent nickname.”
“And no, adding an ‘a’ doesn’t make it feminine in all cases; this is one of them.”
“I’d go for Stuart as a middle name.”- TemptingPenguin369
“So do you guys have absolutely zero female relatives who should be honored with a name?”
“No worthy females at all who this child could be named after if it’s?”
“Stuarta?”
“Awful embarrassing will lead to bullying doesn’t sound nice.”- Ok_Imagination_1107
“Why does the name of your daughter have to honor him?”
“Narcissistic much?”
“Besides, the name is absurd and will set her up for bullying.”
“It sounds like your husband really doesn’t want to have a daughter.”
“The name feels like a punishment for being a girl.”
“NTA.”- Thecatisright
“NTA!”
“There is a HUGE difference between wanting to honor family names in a new child and being SO F*CKING PIGHEADED AND SELFISH that you would saddle a child with a lifetime of ridicule just to get your name into theirs.”
“Suggest that you husband just change his name to a (bonus points if it sounds nonsensical) masculine version of YOUR favored name for your baby.”
“Because if he isn’t willing to at least consider that then it’s just his egotistical selfishness that is talking.”- pandora840
“NTA.”
“Naming a child is a two yes and one no situation.”
“Means you need two times yes for a name to be it and one no to make sure that name is not the name you choose.”
“Works both ways if you’d ask me.”
“Also, I am not a fan of naming the first name of a child after a parent.”
“Because then the child will always be compared to their parents and need to fight harder to be their own person.”
“I have less problems with the middle name being connected to someone else (parents, grandparents) because that is only a formal name and not used in everyday business.”
“Why is he dead set on Stuarta?”
“I mean, there are so many beautiful names, but he only wants to name his daughter after him?”
“Why not after the mother?”
“Like <your name> junior.”
“It is a bit misogynistic to only want to name the baby after the father.”
“Whose last name will the baby get?”
“His as well?”
“Maybe you could find a way, like name the baby with the same first letter as your husband (Stella, Sally, Sanne, etc).”
“Make sure the baby has a middle name (if she shares the same last name as her father).”
“Because it will be annoying for simple things like mail and stuff.”- Pollythepony1993
“NTA and just wow.”
“Your husband is so fixated on this child’s name having to be a honorary to him that he will subject your daughter to a life of misery?”
“I grew up with a sh*t name and I hated it, but it was definitely not as bad as Stuarta.”
“Don’t let him put it on the birth certificate without you.”
“Why should he even be honored?”
“You are growing the child.”
“His contribution is he came and didn’t miss.”- Tall-Negotiation6623
“I’m assuming your daughter will carry your husband’s surname, so why does she have to have a first name to ‘honor’ him too?”
“What are you?”
“The incubator?”
“A surrogate?”
“You get a choice in this; in fact, you’re carrying her. You get the first choice, and it’s about time women started recognizing that and advocating for ourselves.”
“However, I also agree with the rule ‘2 = yes, 1 = no’.”
“Don’t give in, for the reasons I stayed above and also because Stuarta is a really stupid name.”
“NTA.”- leftmysoulthere74
There are those who feel a commitment to carrying on the family name, which we can’t hold against them.
What often goes unspoken, however, is that it’s carrying on the father’s family name that is considered important.
Seeing how the OP’s husband seemed intent that his firstborn child, no matter the gender, needed to be named after him, it’s safe to say this is a man bound and trapped by tradition.
It will most definitely be in his best interests to grow with the times a little bit.
For what it’s worth, more and more females are named “Stuart”, not “Stuarta”, with each passing year.