In the United States, it’s common for extended families to live all across the country, so when it’s time for the family to get together, someone will inevitably be hosting a few family members.
Sometimes making those hosting arrangements can get pretty stressful, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor TheLandofPears was planning to host her brother, sister-in-law, and nephew in her home for the Thanksgiving holiday and made arrangements for them to use one of her children’s rooms.
But when her mother criticized her for not taking it a step further and giving them her master bedroom, the Original Poster (OP) worried she wasn’t being accommodating enough toward her family.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for having my brother and sister-in-law stay in our daughter’s room when they visit [for two weeks] at Thanksgiving?”
The OP recently bought a home that was the perfect size for their family.
“My husband (26 Male) and I (26 Female) recently bought a house. It’s a four-bedroom, three-bathroom home. It’s a large house, and the bedrooms are decently sized.”
“We have three kids, so each of our kids gets a room, and they all share the upstairs bathroom.”
“My daughter is 8, my oldest son is 6, and our younger son is 4.”
“My husband and I have the master bedroom and bathroom on the first floor.”
The OP decided on the best way to accommodate family visiting for the holidays.
“My brother and his wife, along with their one-year-old son, are visiting for Thanksgiving for two weeks. We told them we would give them our daughter’s room, as it’s the largest and has a queen-sized bed.”
“Our daughter will just sleep in one of our sons’ rooms, and our sons could stay where they are or sleep together, whichever they prefer.”
“We were planning on making it look really nice in there for them by giving them new sheets and bedding, making sure that all of my daughter’s things are put away, etc.”
But the OP’s mother did not think those arrangements were good enough.
“Anyway, my mother says that my husband and I are being extremely rude and inconsiderate for not giving them our master bedroom and bathroom.”
“She said it’s just not right that they will have to share the upstairs bathroom with our kids while they’re here.”
“I honestly did not think we were being inconsiderate at all.”
“My brother was very happy when I told him they could stay with us because they wouldn’t have to pay for a hotel or Airbnb. He didn’t seem at all like he minded they would be in our daughter’s room.”
As the comments started to roll in, the OP updated the post with more information.
“My parents and my brother and his family both live across the country. My sister and her husband, along with my family, live within 30 minutes of each other.”
“We decided that we were having Thanksgiving here. So my sister is having my parents stay with her. To put it nicely, my sister is a suck-up and always has been with my mom.”
“So she offered for my parents to stay in their master bedroom, and my sister and her husband would stay in their other bedroom.”
“I feel like that bit of information might be pertinent to this, just because I think my mom is basically implying that my husband and I are not being as accommodating as my sister is towards them.”
The OP clarified that her daughter, most importantly, was comfortable with the arrangements.
“My daughter and I talked and she told me she is fine giving up her room for the two weeks. She is so excited to see them and she said it’s not a big deal to her.”
“My oldest son has a twin bed in his room and my youngest has a bunk bed in his room from when the boys were together in our old house. I am giving my brother and sister-in-law our daughter’s room since it’s largest and has a queen bed.”
“I am probably going to have my two sons just sleep together in the bunk bed and then put my daughter in the room with the twin bed, so she at least has her own space and privacy.”
“Lastly, yes, two weeks is a long time, lol (laughing out loud). But my brother and I are very close and we only get to see his family about once a year. It’s a sacrifice and of course, it can be stressful. But my whole family is so excited for them to be with us.
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that the OP was only being an AH to her daughter, not to anyone else.
“The only reason I would have said YTA is due to your consideration towards your daughter, not towards your family.”
“But given that your daughter seems totally fine with it, and she will still have her own space, you’re NTA at all. You’re being helpful in every way.”
“They don’t even have to share the bathroom with your kids all the time; they can go use the downstairs guest bathroom.” – SpecialK623
“YTA, that is your daughter’s room, they can sleep on the couch or floor in the lounge room.”
“Residents come before guests, so your and your children’s comfort is more important in your own home than your brother’s or SIL’s.”
“Then you said, ‘My daughter and I talked and she told me she is fine giving up her room for the two weeks.’ YTA again for that, as it never should have been a conversation.” – Difficult-Problem696
“I kind of think YTA because you are kicking your daughter out of her room.” – Nutsack_Adams
“YTA for making your daughter give up her room for people she didn’t invite (unless she is happy with the idea).” – TheResistanceVoter
“YTA to your daughter. For one you’re having a married couple stay in a child’s bed.”
“That’s your daughter’s room. You don’t have an extra room. You don’t have a room to offer. They can stay in a hotel.” – ChristianUniMom
“Why isn’t your mom concerned about your daughter giving up her room for two whole weeks?? That’s just nuts.”
“Is your daughter really okay with this? Does she understand that she’s basically going to be camping out in her brother’s room for two weeks without privacy?”
“And, no, NTA for not giving up your room. That’s just weird.” – HeddyL2627
Others agreed the OP was NTA but considered her to be NTA on all counts.
“I don’t see the efficiency of you moving out of the master bedroom and perhaps into your daughter’s room and then she has to move out to her brother’s room… Now, that sounds like a complicated musical chair bedroom version.”
“Nah. This arrangement seems fine. I thought your daughter kicked a fuss about it. Moving one child is better than the whole household. Tell her she’s a great sport and get her an ice cream from me, please.” – Duckduckdewey
“NTA. Sorry, I’d never give up my bedroom, especially when people are at my house. I need somewhere I can go have privacy and all my stuff’s in my room.”
“Sleepovers and moving about rooms is fun for kids and you’re giving your brother somewhere free to stay, so nah, you’re good. More than accommodating!” – aliibum
“NTA. You have offered a completely reasonable room for them while you host for two weeks.”
“If your mother feels so strongly about it, she can host them and give her bedroom to them.”
“The people involved have no issues, but the person who isn’t impacted by this setup has the most vocal opinion. She can shut the f**k up about it if it’s not her home and not her arrangement.” – HeirOfRavenclaw
“NTA. I wouldn’t feel comfortable staying in someone else’s master bedroom and would refuse it or at least attempt to.”
“Temporarily relocating your daughter and making the room up for them is already you being a fantastic host.”
“Your mother is a busybody who should keep her nose out of your business, and you should just laugh at her and tell her that she’s wrong.” – heartohere
“NTA. Your mother is crazy. If I was expected to give up my bedroom whenever I had guests, I would literally never have guests.”
“Two weeks is a bit of a long stretch, however, so good luck with that.” – MasterK999
“NTA. I am sure when you visit your parents, they will give up their master bedroom for you and your family. A family staying for two weeks and not having a hotel bill or food bill for that matter… they should feel lucky.” – Raptor007
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a final update.
“I wanted to say thank you for all of the feedback, everybody! I genuinely was worried that I was being inconsiderate or not a good host. So thank you for the resounding NTA feedback.”
“I think my mother is just being extra delusional and wants to have a say in every single thing that goes on in the family.”
“I’m going to stick to my guns and just tell her that if she is seriously that concerned about it, she could always get them a nice hotel or Airbnb.”
She also wanted to address the skeptical Redditors who didn’t believe all of her story.
“I would like to put one final edit out there: I have seen a bunch of comments pop up saying that I’m full of ‘horses**t’ as it simply cannot be possible that I am this young with a house and children.”
“I would like to leave you with this: Anything is possible if you put your mind to it.”
“My husband and I came from broke homes, and I mean BROKE. We met in high school and (oops!) had a child at 18. We didn’t make that the end of our life, though.”
“My husband was an apprentice HVAC tech and has been doing it for 10 years. He is now a project manager at a large company.”
“I balanced being a stay-at-home mom with getting my Bachelor of Science in Biology with a focus on Genetics. I work in a lab at a university currently, and I’m pursuing my Master’s degree.”
“We bought our first home before we turned 21. It was a cute little two-bedroom. We sold that this last year and put money into our new home.”
“All that is to say… you can break the cycle. Sending my love to all of you internet strangers.”
Seems like the OP has this in hand. We wish the family well on during their visit.